Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking me to lend her money

127 replies

IncessantNameChanger · 22/09/2022 07:56

I have a friend who I have known for a long time, over 15 years. She is lovely but occasionally flakey. Seems terrible with money. Twice she's been broke and I have offered to lend her money which she was very slow to pay back. She has sold her house and told me she put the money in a ISA.

She has just asked me to loan her some more money. I have young kids, she doesn't and presumably has a pot of cash but prefers not to dip into it? When I ask her she tells me it's still in the isa. She keeps saying to me that she would help me out, but recently she offered to babysit ( I didn't ask) so I could go to to a family event. When I went to check the timings a few days before she told me she had made other plans. Leaving me with no child care last minute. She does things and invites say 3 friends but I'm never in that inner circle. I feel like I'm her plan b.

So all things considered I'm thinking she needs to ask her plan A friends or dip into her savings. I have been avoiding her since she asked. I just don't want to as I know she will pay me back slowly in dribs and drabs but most of all I don't want to be her default when cash runs out. Why not save up? Put money aside for emergencies? I feel like I'm going to lending her money forever. I initiallysaid yes but im regretting that now.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/09/2022 09:38

Cheeky fucker

if she has money in savings or is a then she can use that

no is a one word answer

as we say on mn

sonjadog · 22/09/2022 09:40

The answer to this is obviously "no". You don't have to have a good reason not to lend money to someone who asks for it, and you do have good reasons. That you don't want to is a good enough reason. I suspect when you say "no" you won't hear from her again. In which case, is it not better to get rid of a friend who only wants you for money?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/09/2022 09:41

Say no, and next time she asks for money, think of that as your children's money that she is planning to be casual with. She probably means well but is habitually flakey, which is stressful for a non-flakey person to be involved with.

IncompleteSenten · 22/09/2022 09:42

Come on. She's taking the piss.

Say no.

Even - no, you never pay me back when you say you will and I shouldn't have to nag you to pay back what you owe. I'm not doing it again.

1987qwerty · 22/09/2022 09:43

They're building up to the big 'score' that you'll never see back. If you need an excellent just say cost of living and energy prices are cleaning you out each month.

SafferUpNorth · 22/09/2022 09:43

She's a scrounger. Just say no.

"Sorry friend, I don't have any spare cash to lend you. Times are tight, I need every penny for my kids. You seem to be having recurring difficulties managing your money. How about popping into your bank or Citizens Advice to ask for help with that?"

AnotherForumUser · 22/09/2022 09:47

Please do not 'lend' to this woman. She is no friend. She's using you. You can refuse. Even if you've previously said yes.

Thundercats77 · 22/09/2022 09:50

Do you really need a friend like her?
I like other pp have said, would when asked again say I am unable to lend her money as you need it now. If she makes you feel guilty say at least you have that Isa and leave it at that.

Mxyzptlk · 22/09/2022 09:50

TibetanTerrah · 22/09/2022 08:03

Well she has money. She'd just rather spend yours than her own and pay it back to you at her leisure.

This.

It's all part of disrespecting you.

Youdoyoutoday · 22/09/2022 09:54

The gall of some people! Don't lend her money!

Moveoverdarlin · 22/09/2022 09:55

Like someone else has said. You don’t put the proceeds of a house sale in a ISA, unless the house was only worth 20k. From what you have said, you would have to be insane to give her money. Say you got an electricity bill come in and it’s £1,894. Usually this would not be believable but it’s completely feasible now.

Sidisawetlettuce · 22/09/2022 09:56

You say she's 'lovely'. Really??
She reneged on providing childcare so you renege on lending her the money.

CaveMum · 22/09/2022 09:57

You feel used because she is using you. She’s not your friend, you are her back up and her cashpoint.

I know what you mean about struggling to make friends, but honestly no friends are better than “friends” like this.

Ignore the request, if she asks again just reply to say “That’s not possible.”, don’t say sorry - you have nothing to apologise for - and don’t make up a fake excuse as inevitably she’ll try to offer you a “solution” or will catch you out in some way.

MarianneVos · 22/09/2022 09:59

Tell her you thought you could lend the money but you've put it into an ISA instead now.

gamerchick · 22/09/2022 10:02

If you have a parasite of a friend. When they ask for money you say 'actually I'm a bit short and was wondering if you could sub me a chunk of change please'. They discard you soon after.

SquareVertical · 22/09/2022 10:04

If she's sold her house, where is she living now? Isn't that costing her? It's better to have no friends than to have friends like that. She's just using you. Any money you give her is money you can save up for your children's future, it seem she's unlikely to pay back. You need to keep saying no until she gets the message and doesn't ask you again. New friends will come along eventually, it just takes time.

Thinkingblonde · 22/09/2022 10:04

Why are even thinking of lending her money, she has her own money, she doesn’t need yours. Say no.
She’s using you as an ATM. Depends on what type of ISA she has, she can make withdrawals, it just means she’ll get less interest.

DrManhattan · 22/09/2022 10:05

Oh ffs just say no.

SuperCamp · 22/09/2022 10:07

Just be straight and direct (ish).

”it isn’t something I can do at present”.

Don’t just evade and ignore.

Why so afraid to seem difficult? She has no such fear in asking, or telling you no to babysitting etc.

TheEggChair · 22/09/2022 10:08

No, your gas/leccy has gone up to £400 pcm so you can't afford to bail her out anymore.

Tell her to cut down a bit and get another job, lots of Christmas jobs available now.

Neverendingmindfuck · 22/09/2022 10:13

You sound lovely.
Hopefully you'll find some equally lovely friends who don't shit on your kindness like this one.
She is definitely a CF of the highest order.
🤞 you find the strength to say and mean NO and block her. She's messing with your MH. Your posts ooze with anxiety. 💐

TabithaTittlemouse · 22/09/2022 10:13

Don’t give reasons or excuses (unexpected bill, cost of living etc). Just say no.

user1471538283 · 22/09/2022 10:20

Some people live like this and I am sure when you say no she will ask someone else.

She would never loan you because of course "she has no money".

Do not lend her another penny.

Derbee · 22/09/2022 10:21

You absolutely don’t have to justify yourself in saying no. If you think it’s too hard face to face, just text.

Hi User Friend, I’m not in a position currently to lend you money. Hopefully you can access your ISA funds. See you soon, Me x

Wheresthebeach · 22/09/2022 10:21

Say you can't help anymore. Don't make suggestions about what she should do (the isa) as that just opens up a conversation, with you offering solutions to her problem. Her problem isn't your problem.

Say no, and don't expect to hear from her again.

Swipe left for the next trending thread