Friend asking me to lend her money

[IncessantNameChanger]

I have a friend who I have known for a long time, over 15 years. She is lovely but occasionally flakey. Seems terrible with money. Twice she's been broke and I have offered to lend her money which she was very slow to pay back. She has sold her house and told me she put the money in a ISA.

She has just asked me to loan her some more money. I have young kids, she doesn't and presumably has a pot of cash but prefers not to dip into it? When I ask her she tells me it's still in the isa. She keeps saying to me that she would help me out, but recently she offered to babysit ( I didn't ask) so I could go to to a family event. When I went to check the timings a few days before she told me she had made other plans. Leaving me with no child care last minute. She does things and invites say 3 friends but I'm never in that inner circle. I feel like I'm her plan b.

So all things considered I'm thinking she needs to ask her plan A friends or dip into her savings. I have been avoiding her since she asked. I just don't want to as I know she will pay me back slowly in dribs and drabs but most of all I don't want to be her default when cash runs out. Why not save up? Put money aside for emergencies? I feel like I'm going to lending her money forever. I initiallysaid yes but im regretting that now.

Why has it even arisen that you have to justify to her why you don't have the cash to pay for her needs/wants - when she clearly does have the cash to pay for her own needs?!

She is wiping her feet on you and laughing as she does it.

Do not give her money that is for you and your family. I'm sure you can think of a thousand better ways to spend this money.

Honestly - No friends are better than 'friends' like this.

She's a massive CF.
I've met people this over the years and as you are discovering, the friendship is very one-sided. Avoid at all costs

Please don't give her any money, not even a quid for a can of coke!
Send her a text this morning. Deal with it quickly and easily.
"Hey friend, re that money you asked to borrow, - no can do anymore, sorry dude! Kids stuff so expensive! LOL! "

Just say no.

‘I can’t lend any money, Sarah. I’m struggling with the cost of living and have to think about my children.’

Rinse and repeat if needed.
Do not apologise or offer any further justification.

Btw, I suspect that if she is genuinely terrible with money and has sold her house she quite possibly doesn’t have loads of money saved in an ISA. She has probably paid off a lot of debt with the house sale, and now has not a lot left.

It’s still not your problem.

🎯

What huge, brass balls it must take to ask someone for something that you have sitting at home just because you don't want to use your own. ISAs aren't locked. Your money isn't inaccessible to you once it's deposited. It's only a savings account! Not a chance would I lend someone with money, money. Why would I?

She sounds like a shit mate anyway.

CF! She actually has the money but would rather tap your bank account than access her own money! She doesn't even do you any favours or invite you out with her inner circle of friends! I'd turn her down, whats the worst that would happen? Ending that friendship sounds like a blessing.

Sorry you are being taking advantage of OP it is sometimes very difficult to extricate yourself from abusive (or beginning to develop into abusive) relationships.

I would only ever lend money I could afford to never see again and I would only lend money to people who were my absolute solid inner circle, not someone who lets me down, leaves me out and returns money I have lent them before as and when they feel like it in bits and bobs! X

You have no reason to feel guilty, she certainly didn’t when letting you down for childcare.

I would give this friend a wide berth and if she asks again say that you had other plans for the money.

I'm thinking this too if I'm honest. It always seems to be a recurring issue so that's gripe 1. It's not going to be a freak one off, it's a lifestyle choice. So I'm risking lending again and again. 2 when I do lend her money she never pays when she says, so say its pay day its in fact over three pay days. 3. I'd be OK if its was say £40 for a weeks food as its easy to pay back and small enough to loose say once a year. 4 I strongly suspect that she would not repay me that kind of favour.

Yes I really do need better friends and I'm trying really hard to work on that. Joined Peanut, volunteer, arranged coffee meet ups at school but everyone seems to already have friends and not looking to make more unfortunately. I would love new friends.

Just say no.

-Why are you asking me if you have an ISA?
-Ask your other friends.
-If you don’t have the available cash, then you clearly can’t afford it.
-No, I’m not going to do that.

Its a no from me

I've lent to two friends. One didn't pay me back at all and the other, I had to fight to get it back.

You don't trust her so follow your instinct and say no. It doesn't sound like it's for anything desperately urgent. Say your leccy bill has come in and is far more than you expected so you won't be able to.

Next time say no.

Put it back on her.

Say you're broke, with the cost of electricity/gas etc, and ask her for a loan from her ISA.

It's amazing how many CFs will quite shamelessly spin the assumed narrative (or maybe some of them even believe it themselves) that 'savings' are legitimately protected from needing to be accessed when you need money.

Just because they've moved it into their savings account, instead of leaving it in their current account - or even just allocated it in their heads - that apparently makes it untouchable, hence they need to use your money instead to buy their stuff. Outrageous.

“Sorry CF, I’ve looked again at my finances and I’m not going to be able to help you out. Hope you get something sorted” Don’t make suggestions about using her ISA, it’s not your problem to fix.

Tell her you've put any spare money in an ISA as interest rates have risen and you got the idea from her!👍. Your money's tied up.

I’ve lent friends money before, significant sums, when I know they’ve been desperate for a valid reason and I have full faith in them to repay the money (they did).

But I wouldn’t do it repeatedly for the same person who just seems to be crap with money, so in these circumstances it’d be a no from me. Would just say I have no cash to spare at the moment.

As a matter of Interest OP!

How much money did she ask to borrow?

She is really cheeky asking you in the first place. You have three DC to look after, she should be ashamed of herself. Do not be afraid to call her out on it. Just say no, and the fact she only includes 3 other friends in her circle to meet, tells you everything you need to know about where you are in her priority.

Don't even bother saying no by text or feeling you need to go back to her to justify why you won't lend her the money.

Just wait for her to ask you again and say, no it doesn't work for you, you have too many commitments to your DC and family.

Just say no, tell her you have children to raise!!! Ask her for a loan, see how she feels

No. She doesn't treat you like a close friend, treat her the same

Say no and don’t feel guilty. Do you think she felt guilty when she cancelled babysitting for you or not paying you back in time.

Surely just writing the opening post out made you realise how crazy it would be to lend her more money?

Friends don't take the piss or put you in an awkward position. Just say no, and put some boundaries in place for future piss-taking attempts.