Why do parents let their kids take toys to playgroup?

[Peanutbuttermonster]

Seriously, why?? Toddlers are too young to understand the concept of personal property / ownership, and it makes it really hard to teach them how to share nicely when the other parent turns around and says "Well actually, it is little Felicity's doll..." - I mean, why have you allowed her to bring it to playgroup? Surely it's just asking for trouble? AIBU??

YABU

There might be many reasons they take them. Maybe having their toy was the only way they could get out of the house that morning etc. There's no rule to say you can't take them.

Agree.

I know it's not always easy to avoid the potential or inevitable meltdown when they are told "no" and that's why most parents don't stop it.

But they can't do the same at nursery or school and I believe it's easier to start as you mean (or in this case will need!) to go on.

Presumably because they're really attached to it?
I think it's fine though, surely it's equally important for your child to learn that they can't just instantly have everything they want?
"No that's Felicity's doll, here's another one what shall we do next?"
That would be fine.

You're correct. It's like the park rule that if you bring your toy to playgroup, everyone gets to play with it.

I once thoughtlessly brought a balloon to the park strapped on the pushchair. Everyone wanted to play with it and it would have been my own fault had it been popped because playground is fair game!

I was always in the “No Doris, you must share with Timmy” but actually, why shouldn’t Timmy learn that he can’t have a share of everything he sees?

Toddlers have not yet developed empathy and cannot see things from another child's perspective. Forcing your child to share does not teach the social skills that we want toddlers to learn; instead, it may send many messages we don't want to send, and may actually increase how often our toddlers throw a tantrum.
www.verywellfamily.com/forcing-your-kid-to-share-4126426

We have this at mud club. Toddler will bring their own digger/spade/bucket then release it among a sea of other similar items that belong to mud club. So you’re constantly like ooh look this little pick up truck is free, let’s play with it and you get ‘NO THAT BELONGS TO MY SON SORRY’ it annoys me 🤣

Those years are way behind me but isn't it because the toddler has to go everywhere with it - my DS wasn't bothered but DD's jelly cat pig was dragged around everywhere it even went in to her swimming pool on holiday. There was equally a girl at her playgroup that owned a big stuffed toy rabbit with huge stand up ears that had a wire inside its ears so they could be moved and would stay in position- it was made in France and you couldn't buy one in the UK, due to the ears being posable all the toddlers/preschoolers were fascinated and wanted a go of it but this girl would not let anyone touch it. Some toddlers have these stuffed toys to feel secure, Dogger style, I think it is sweet, the key is to get yours to have such a toy and then they will understand more.

I've never taken my DD to playgroup so I'm not defending my own behaviour here - but what is the problem with your child learning that some things don't belong to them, and so can't be played with?

Yep, that's fine, but the toy goes in the bag when you arrive at playgroup. Unless everyone else can play with it too, which in my experience is not how it works. It causes unnecessary stress for everyone and is really inconsiderate.

Nothing at all but in a group setting, better to have toys that are ‘mine!!’ in the bag of left at home.

Actually, the preschoolers at my DDs preschool were allowed to have them by their side all day. It is not school and they don't need that level of strictness at that age

I disagree - all the toys at playgroup should be shared. How can I explain to my toddler that no, even though you were playing with the dolly first, you need to give it to Felicity because it belongs to her. But that truck? Yes, that's fine - you can have a turn with that and then it's Tom's turn. Oh no, put that teddy down - that belongs to Ivy - here play with the duplo instead. You see how confusing that would be for a three year old??

Well people do explain and they get it eventually. I mean if it is a playgroup, presumably some parents bring along baby siblings who may have attractive Teddy style toys to suck or things attached to their buggies, the toddler would have to leave them alone or at least they couldn't walk off with them.

I don't allow special toys taken out the house unless we are going on an overnight trip, as I can't take the heartbreak if something gets lost or forgotten. We play the game of 'Mr Flopsy is guarding your bedroom, he has a really important job to do'. It works.

Too much chance of a toy being lost or damaged, I'd have thought. Child puts toy down to play with something else and forgets about it. Another child picks it up, thinking it's there for anyone to play with. Toy gets collected up at the end with all the group toys. Mother forgets they brought the toy with them and leaves without it....

YABU. How are children going to learn about respecting other children's property if they're never put in that situation?

Equally, how are children going to learn how to share and take turns if they're allowed to throw a complete wobbly at playgroup when another child wants to play with their special toy? Personally, I think it's unreasonable to expect a barely turned three year old to understand the concept of personal belongings. At this age, it's more about turn taking and sharing, and when another parent allows their child to bring in a toy from home, it makes it really difficult for everyone else and you just end up with a load of angry and confused toddlers.

How old is your toddler? Mine is 2 and we are working on the concept that some toys are to be shared, and others are her/another child's "special toy" which they don't have to share.

She doesn't quite get it yet but she's getting there and I think it's an important lesson.

Personally, I think it's unreasonable to expect a barely turned three year old to understand the concept of personal belongings.

I disagree - my 3 year old understands that some toys belong to her baby sister. Equally she understands that some toys are hers, and I don't let DD2 dribble all over them.

My son is autistic, he is obsessed with his own items only. He isn't interested in 90% of other toys. I would take him to playgroups because I wanted him exposed to other children, in social settings, learn to get familiar in different places, lots of reasons. But he would only play with his own toy.

Yep, that's fine - I agree that in the context of the home or a play date, for example, these are the conversations you would be starting to have. My issue is that a play group is a different situation- the toys there don't belong to anyone and are for everyone to play with. It's the ideal environment to teach kids about taking turns and sharing, and honestly, it would be really nice to just be able to sit down and have a cup of tea and a chat while the kids play nicely, without having to deal with unnecessary and totally predictable toddler meltdowns.

My DS sometimes takes his favourite toy to nursery because he sometimes wants the comfort and it avoids a huge meltdown that would delay the school run. The nursery workers pop it in his bag once he's got immersed in something

Yanbu. Any comfort toys are left in a bag until playgroups finish.

Why are the parents there? Is a school setting? If not then personal toys are allowed.

Yes, this is fine and completely reasonable