Why do parents let their kids take toys to playgroup?

[Peanutbuttermonster]

Seriously, why?? Toddlers are too young to understand the concept of personal property / ownership, and it makes it really hard to teach them how to share nicely when the other parent turns around and says "Well actually, it is little Felicity's doll..." - I mean, why have you allowed her to bring it to playgroup? Surely it's just asking for trouble? AIBU??

Thank you!

Missing the point of the thread here.... but I LOVE the idea of a 'mud club'. I'm imagining a load of toddlers running round some woods playing in the mud. Building mud castles. Eating mud.

Also, YANBU OP!

Of course they can understand. My just-one-year-old understands that she has to give back other children's comfort teddies at nursery and at home

Also, kids are different. My DD is anxious about crowds and one of the few things that gives her confidence is her special cuddly toy in her hand

My friend was smug that her DC has no need of a comfort toy. But then, he wouldn't sleep in his own bed til he was eight.

It's easy to dismiss other people's coping mechanisms but mostly we are just doing our best...

YANBU.
I don't take DS to playgroups, but he's never been allowed personal toys in nursery. Sometimes we take things to play on the way there but it goes in his bag before he enters the building.

I also dislike people bringing toys in the park. My son is perfectly happy climbing, running around and using the equipment until a child with a bag full of toys shows up. Always results in tantrums from both sides with a mum making her child share and me making my child return the toys because they're not his. Just unnecessary toddler drama instead of nice trip to the park.

DD is 3 and I let her take a few of her dinosaurs but the deal is she shares with the other kids if they want to play with her. Never had any problems! I guess it's harder with younger toddlers though when you can't have that expectation set out.

Quite a few of the kids at our group bring their own stuff and there are never any real issues, no more than the odd tussle you get over who is playing with the group toys anyway as everyone wants the ride-on train!

Lucky you. I say enjoy it while it lasts! Three year olds are an entirely different kettle of fish.

Special cuddly toy in her hand - ok, fine. Special cuddly toy left lying around at playgroup for other children to play with, resulting in epic tantrum - not fine.

Some of my little ones have come into the care system, if taking their beloved toy out with them gives them the comfort they need in group settings then so be it. They have enough going on in their lives without me taking away comfort when they need it most.

I occasionally let my children take one toy to playgroup when they really wanted to but I made a big deal of 'but then all the other children get to play with it too' which usually did the trick of putting them off it. Most of the time when we actually arrived they forgot all about the you and I could stash it safely in a bag out of sight.

My kids did sometimes manage to sneak toys past me in coats or pockets too.

Too often 'sharing and taking turns' is used as an excuse to let children just have what they want, irrespective of who it belongs to. In the adult world no one is expected to 'share or take turns' with their own personal possessions so why do we think that children should?

And I should have said, I repeatedly felt unwelcome in neutrotypical groups so after a year we only go to SEN groups now.

You realise you're arguing that other parents should let their children be upset (at not being allowed to take their own toy) ...so that you don't have to deal with your kid being upset (when they're not allowed to play with it).

Incidentally...
If you bring your mobile to the park and I've got no battery, am I allowed to watch YouTube on yours if I want to?

Same reason they let them take toys to school. With no heads-up, and CERTAINLY no name label. Then, when the child inevitably loses the toy, they come in shrieking about it having been 'stolen' 🤦🏻‍♀️ #triggered

Three! I thought you were going to say he was one! Surely all three year olds without SEN understand ‘that belongs to Olivia’ or ‘that one’s Ethan’s’ and ‘these are the playgroup toys’?! Mine all did at that age. Including the one with SEN.

YABU, lots of children need a transitional object. Or have other reasons why they need their toy. Do you think k adults shouldn’t bring personal belongings into public spaces unless they’re willing to share? Or that they should keep items in their hand at all times otherwise it’s fair game for someone to grab?

My DD won't go anywhere without her favourite cuddly toy

Equally, how are children going to learn how to share and take turns if they're allowed to throw a complete wobbly at playgroup when another child wants to play with their special toy? Personally, I think it's unreasonable to expect a barely turned three year old to understand the concept of personal belongings. At this age, it's more about turn taking and sharing, and when another parent allows their child to bring in a toy from home, it makes it really difficult for everyone else and you just end up with a load of angry and confused toddlers.

It really shouldn’t take long for a three year old to understand the concept of belonging.
Your basically saying other parents and kids shouldn’t be able to do what they want because your kid gets jealous. It’s your job to teach him that he can’t always play with everything just because he wants to.
Even in nursery they are allowed their own toys!

@NoYouSirName I’m sure you didn’t mean it in a nasty way but the way that was phrased sounds a little like you’re picking on a 3 year old over the internet!

Not all 3 olds understand possession, especially in the excitement of a group setting where everything is seemingly fair game. Toys strewn about are communal and that’s largely the point of a playgroup. Doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with OPs toddler - sounds like fairly normal frustration to me! I can imagine most pre schoolers of that age reacting similarly.

This is the weirdest response so far.

Basically, my view is that if a child is going to bring a toy to play group, they need to hold on to it, and if not, they need to accept that other children are going to want to play with it. In my experience, this is, understandably, difficult for toddlers and so, inevitably, you end up with a situation where one child is having a tantrum because someone is trying to play with their special toy, and another child is having a tantrum because they've been told that they're not allowed to play with a toy because it belongs to someone else - a concept which, in the context of a playgroup, where all of the other toys are for everyone to play with, is confusing. It's just far easier and fairer if people just leave the special toys at home / in the bag / pushchair - or at the very least, hold on to them.

Your park / mobile phone example is odd - we're adults, so I'm not sure how it's relevant.

I think kids should be allowed to bring their toys to playgroup and not be dictated to by other parents. OP is just arguing with everyone who expresses an opposite opinion and if that's the way they are no doubt the child won't listen to any sense either.

I don't see why my response is weird at all. I just disagree with you.

my view is that if a child is going to bring a toy to play group, they need to hold on to it, and if not, they need to accept that other children are going to want to play with it

Okay, and my view is that those 'other children' need to accept that not everything is theirs and they have to ask permission when something belongs to another child.

If it's a confusing concept for your kid at the moment that's fine, but that's what you're there for - to teach them, and reinforce it, not sit at the side with a cuppa or whatever it was you said. Most people send their children to playgroups and such to learn how to socialise with other children. At some point they are going to have to learn that sometimes things belong to others, and they don't have a right to everything just because it's in their space.

Your park / mobile phone example is odd - we're adults, so I'm not sure how it's relevant

It's relevant because it shows how we seem to expect children to readily give up (or "share") everything that's dear to them, while we wouldn't be comfortable sharing certain possessions of our own. I think children should be allowed to retain some choices in the way their belongings are used, and other children need to learn to graciously accept a "no".

To learn to share? Also it's a great what time meet other parents, it was crucial for me in a foreign country with no friends to meet people

@takealettermsjones I think you raise some interesting points, and I'll certainly ponder over them.

I suppose where we may differ is that I really like the communal nature of playgroups - the fact that nothing belongs to anyone and the kids all get stuck in together. When kids bring in their own toys from home and won't share them, it really changes the dynamic and I think it results in unnecessary conflict.

I don't think that kids will have a problem learning about respecting personal belongings as they get older - we live in a society which basically revolves around private property, wealth etc. But sharing, being part of collective spaces, being generous - I think they should take priority.

"If it's a confusing concept for your kid at the moment that's fine, but that's what you're there for - to teach them, and reinforce it, not sit at the side with a cuppa or whatever it was you said. Most people send their children to playgroups and such to learn how to socialise with other children."

I think playgroups can have a number of different purposes - helping kids to socialise with others, helping parents to make friends and have a bit of a break - I don't feel like they're mutually exclusive.

Not arguing, just debating - sharing opinions, thought that was the point of this board?

Anyway, it's late and I'm sleepy. Thanks for the responses. I may not agree with all of them, but food for thought nonetheless 😊