Why do parents let their kids take toys to playgroup?

[Peanutbuttermonster]

Seriously, why?? Toddlers are too young to understand the concept of personal property / ownership, and it makes it really hard to teach them how to share nicely when the other parent turns around and says "Well actually, it is little Felicity's doll..." - I mean, why have you allowed her to bring it to playgroup? Surely it's just asking for trouble? AIBU??

IME the toys from home get abandoned when the playgroup toys come out anyway. Then they can tussle over who gets to play with the best ones of those instead.

Yeah I get what you mean and it is annoying af really. Unnecessary drama. I think toddlers generally have a radar which picks up a signal where the new flashy toy is and of course 17 children jump to it but oh wait, it belongs to Mia who doesn't like to share understandably. My philosophy is, if you're not going to share it, hide it then. Which equally means don't bring it!

With the best will in the world, sometimes the kids smuggle the toy out, or it's the only way of getting out of the house on time. Best of course if it goes in a bag on arrival to keep it safe from other children.

The other annoyance, as a former group leader, is when the toy gets forgotten, and inadvertently packed away with the group toys at the end of the session. On occasion, I was kind enough to bike back and search for it before bedtime, and I did learn that under the seat of the ride-on toys was worth checking before searching the boxes of smaller toys.

Ours wanted to take their special teddies so we used to take them but leave them in their little backpacks and put a photo of their teddies in their pocket.

Amd how are they ever going to learn to take no for an answer?

Ds took his cuddly dog everywhere with him at that age, he did right up to being 7 or 8, I even had to take it to meet him from school.

We had a high shelf in our setting and any toy or personal item brought in was put up there til home time. That way the child could see it but not play with it and no squabbles ensued. Much worse was when they brought a 'blanky' in with them. One boy used to bring in a filthy piece of fabric smaller than my thumb, he/his parents would sneak it in so we didnt have to put it on the shelf, of course one day he put it down somewhere and then wouldn't leave without it. We had a massive garden, I will never forget searching every inch of it for that tiny, filthy, rag.

Generally, l don’t think you’re BU. We don’t take our own stuff to playgroup. I think there are some situations where it would be understandable if the child has SEN, but the whole point of playgroup is so that the child can play with different stuff. Most kids can manage without an hour or two of clutching toys from home.

It does make it confusing too. My 2 year old picked up a Paw Patrol toy that she likes and a little boy said to me ‘that’s my Chase’. I don’t think it is actually his but at the time it did cause confusion!

Mud club???? What is this I've never heard of it???
If it's some sort of mud based messy play sounds hellish 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes, it’s annoying having to explain to your child they can’t play with another child’s toys but that’s the way it goes and they learn. Child bringing their special toy to playgroup and not wanting to share it is fine. Quite a scary prospect of loosing it amongst all the craziness. Different if they have friends at their house wanting to share. Then they need to get used to that but also friends need to respect sharing and taking turns too.
i get that you want to relax with a cuppa but in reality, if your kid isn’t haven’t a meltdown about not being able to have another kids toy then they will be having a meltdown about something else like wanting another kids biscuit, having a playgroup toy for the whole time without sharing it, not wanting to leave at end of session or wanting to leave and not being able to. There’s always something with some toddlers and it will pass

It’s absolutely doable to explain to a three year old that a toy belongs to someone else. Presumably it’s mostly in said child’s possession most of the time, and not lying alone in the pile of playgroup toys?

I'm a childminder. I find that when a child brings their own toy it really inhibits their interaction with others and ability to join in. They spend most of the time stressing that another child will take it. Also when we are walking around they don't have both hands free to stop their fall. I let children bring toys as I understand parents can't have the fight when leaving for work. When they come through the door I've taught them to put their toys away for the day. It takes a few weeks (I take the fight! ) but really the change in their behaviour without holding onto teddy all day is remarkable. They see the world more!

Yep I agree. My rule is, if you don’t want to keep it in the bag, then others may want to play with it. My kids are fine with that. Sometimes the thing stays in the bag, sometimes not and others can play.

Your belief that play group is an opportunity to teach sharing and turn waiting is no more valid than the other perspective; it is an opportunity to teach that some things are personal belongings and not to be taken. There’s no reason these two situations cannot coexist. I’m surprised your three year old struggles to grasp the latter concept. Sounds like you should focus on that a bit more, as other kids will always bring their own toys and that is never going to change. Other parents aren’t going to stop doing something just so your kid doesn’t throw a wobbler.

YABU. It isn’t other parents jobs to make your parenting easier.

Actually in my experience, it's the other child that throws more of a wobbly - because they don't want to share their toy. Fine, then don't bring it to a room full of other toddlers.

No, but it would be nice if they didn't make it harder, wouldn't it?

While we're at it - I'm getting slightly irritated by the notion that I should be using situations like this to teach my child about the importance of personal property (as if that isn't something that will be rammed down their throat for the rest of their life...) How about other parents use playgroup as an opportunity to teach their kids that no little Timmy, you can't have your way all the time - the dumper truck / teddy / doll doesn't need to come out with us all the time and actually, if you insist on bringing these things to a communal environment, it's only fair to share them. In the home, in someone else's home, things may be different, and obviously there are exceptions (kids with SEN etc.). But ultimately I stand by my argument that it's just inconsiderate, annoying and creates additional drama.

Personally I think YANBU - keep precious personal toys hidden in a bag etc. There will be a few cases where they have a really good reason for bringing then but a lot of the time the parent just doesn't want to have the battle of telling their child not to bring it/share it - the conversation I've just had to have with my child!

If they won't leave the house without a toy, the parent needs to work on that: not pass the parenting problem onto strangers.

Fucks me off no end when kids bring their own toys and then leave them with communal toys and the parent has the cheek to complain when another child wants to play with it.

I'll tolerate it at a sand pit, but only because there are no communal toys.

YABU. My 3yo understands that some toys are for sharing, others belong to people and he may not be able to play with them. If he accidentally picks one up, I just explain that it's another child's special toy so we need to give it back and give him the job of returning it to its owner. It's might be a bit more difficult with my 18m old but her annoyance would last for about 3 seconds until I plonk another toy in her hands.
At 3 most children already have an understanding of sharing/turn taking and special toys. You're there to supervise and play with your child, not drink tea.

Do you always know when kids have SEN?

But they shouldn’t HAVE to share their toy?

You seem to ascribed to a system of equity and turn-taking of everything. That’s not life.

And 3yo’s should be able to understand when something is not theirs

People expecting 3 yo's to behave like adults because that's not life and they don't have to share. Duh, of course it isn't. We don't see adults snatching gadgets from peoples hands saying "it's mine" unless they are getting mugged which that's done to make quick money. They grow and mature overtime. It's simple steps and stages for children at that age. Pre schools have this day in day out with turn taking, sharing etc slowly nurturing them. Taking toys with you to playgroups etc is like putting a dynamite in that environment where these stages are implemented. I've seen the same kids who don't like to share but then go on to push other children off the slide because they don't like to share the slide and want to be first on it. Some kids are naturally emotionally mature but most 3 yo's I've been with including my little one aren't like that and it takes time and practice. I've stopped seeing a couple of friends because even a 1 hour park meet up would end in tears because I don't feed my child junk and just when everyone is settled, one parent decides to crack open a packet of skittles and chocolate buttons and of course that sets off a dynamite in that environment. I'm not too precious either and if my child is offered a couple I won't take digs and say sorry we don't eat that crap. When I was little I was always taught if you have two ice lollies in the freezer and 5 friends coming over, you eat the ice lolly after your friends have gone and not in front of them. If you have enough, then of course you serve that but I have equally been to play dates where I've sat in the corner watching the host munch on stuff and not offer anything to me which is bad manners in my opinion.

I just hate the second hand anxiety when a child inevitably loses their special toy and everyone looks for it.

Sometimes I wonder about the things people have time to get agitated about.