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AIBU?

To breakup with a man for calling me a slut

115 replies

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:15

I have been with My boyfriend for four/five years
we live together

I went out with my friends at the weekend in a city away and he asked me to not post pictures as he would be embarressed his friends would see me out on social media and think I was easy
one of my friends took a picture of me and tagged me when we were out
he found it in the morning and he sent me lots of messages calling me a slut and that I looked like a prostitute
He has sent me 10 screens worth of abuse that he says I cannot think for myself and I always follow the crowd
i asked if he will break up with me and he says no

i am due back this week
one of my friends is with me and she says that the screen shots of the messages alone would be enough to get him charged with control and cohersion. He is sometimes very loving towards me and buys me flowers

i do not always want to have sex but he says that couples have sex once per week so I should - I was bleeding after last sex so I went to gp and they said everything is ok. The sex part of our relationship is not great - he is quite forceful and always touching me

he wants to marry but I am not sure
i think I have to ask him to leave my house my friend says to break up with him and not look back
it is my flat and he moving in

would i be over reacting to dump him based on one argument / text messages? Is my friend right?

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Am I being unreasonable?

465 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
2%
You are NOT being unreasonable
98%
Bintymcbintface · 21/09/2022 19:37

He forces you to have sex when you're not in the mood and is rough and forceful making you bleed.

He bans you from posting pictures online

He called you a slut when a picture was posted

He's an awful cunt get rid

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Poppyblush · 21/09/2022 19:37

Block him in every way possible as he’s abusive.

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Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 19:40

I am so thankful for all the support 😭😭😭 my friend says I should send him the thread to show him what the majority of people would think of him if they knew he treated his girlfriend like this
but i wont as i just want it over

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Happyhapoydog · 21/09/2022 19:48

For ing someone to have sex with you has a name - he’s a rapist. Get someone to be with you while he gets his things and pisses odd out of your home. He sounds awful.

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Aldith · 21/09/2022 20:13

Aldith · 21/09/2022 17:03

It wasn’t a European country. I think in all European countries a marriage would be legally binding here.

It was Nigeria

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Aldith · 21/09/2022 20:16

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 18:37

Which country was it?

Somehow replied to my own quote.

It was Nigeria

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focuspocus · 22/09/2022 10:21

Would any of your friends be willing to come and stay with you until he and stuff are gone? Once gone change the locks. If you don’t have security cameras etc think about getting some. Even if he isn’t planning on being nasty it might put him off just turning up and trying to convince you to take him back and you can ask him to leave without opening door.

I get the impression that you might be sad if he moves on easily as you say he’s so charming and good looking. He may well do so and may make a show of how he treats her and how happy they are to hurt you. Block him so you can’t see any of it.

Moving on quickly means he probably didn’t love you but was using you and has now found someone else to fill this role for him. You are escaping a future nightmare. Nasty people are often charming with others and that’s not just men. Run and just live your life.

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Helpandadvice1 · 22/09/2022 10:35

focuspocus · 22/09/2022 10:21

Would any of your friends be willing to come and stay with you until he and stuff are gone? Once gone change the locks. If you don’t have security cameras etc think about getting some. Even if he isn’t planning on being nasty it might put him off just turning up and trying to convince you to take him back and you can ask him to leave without opening door.

I get the impression that you might be sad if he moves on easily as you say he’s so charming and good looking. He may well do so and may make a show of how he treats her and how happy they are to hurt you. Block him so you can’t see any of it.

Moving on quickly means he probably didn’t love you but was using you and has now found someone else to fill this role for him. You are escaping a future nightmare. Nasty people are often charming with others and that’s not just men. Run and just live your life.

I agree he will be all over social media if he meets a new partner so blocking would be best option. He is always all over social media posting things so i think that is wise

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pinkpotatoez · 22/09/2022 12:28

Stop being so flipping feeble. It doesn't need a post made about it just common sense and a back bone. Ridiculous the amount of threads women make about this and then ignore all advice to leave

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motherofcatsandbears · 22/09/2022 12:34

He sounds vile - why are you wasting your time on him? You should chuck him out, change the locks and report him to the police. Take care xx

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ChocolateSpreadOnToast · 22/09/2022 13:00

Of course you shouldn’t show him this thread, it will only escalate further. He’s not going to turn round and say ‘oh you’re so right, I am a shit aren’t i’.

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kateandme · 23/09/2022 01:59

Do NOT show him this. Getting “other harpie woman” to gang up on him, he will not like that and it will make him angry and vengeful.

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LemonDrop22 · 23/09/2022 02:34

he wants to marry but I am not sure

You mentioned he's a foreigner here studying; he might be a visa seeker, as well as a misogynistic controlling abuser.

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LemonDrop22 · 23/09/2022 02:36

(and a sexual coercer who is so (unconsensually) rough that he leaves his partner bleeding).

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Thistlelass · 23/09/2022 04:43

You must not go back to him. Put yourself in a Women's Refuge if you have to. The workers there will help get the practicalities sorted.

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