My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To breakup with a man for calling me a slut

115 replies

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:15

I have been with My boyfriend for four/five years
we live together

I went out with my friends at the weekend in a city away and he asked me to not post pictures as he would be embarressed his friends would see me out on social media and think I was easy
one of my friends took a picture of me and tagged me when we were out
he found it in the morning and he sent me lots of messages calling me a slut and that I looked like a prostitute
He has sent me 10 screens worth of abuse that he says I cannot think for myself and I always follow the crowd
i asked if he will break up with me and he says no

i am due back this week
one of my friends is with me and she says that the screen shots of the messages alone would be enough to get him charged with control and cohersion. He is sometimes very loving towards me and buys me flowers

i do not always want to have sex but he says that couples have sex once per week so I should - I was bleeding after last sex so I went to gp and they said everything is ok. The sex part of our relationship is not great - he is quite forceful and always touching me

he wants to marry but I am not sure
i think I have to ask him to leave my house my friend says to break up with him and not look back
it is my flat and he moving in

would i be over reacting to dump him based on one argument / text messages? Is my friend right?

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

465 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
2%
You are NOT being unreasonable
98%
AnneKipankitoo · 21/09/2022 15:03

Just be pleased it has been revealed to you . Keep safe .

Report
Itloggedmeoutagain · 21/09/2022 15:06

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 15:02

I will see him later this week but will dump

I thought he lived with you

Report
aintnothinbutagstring · 21/09/2022 15:09

Well anyway - he is mistreating you, physically, emotionally and possibly financially so what's in it for you? Make sure you have the support of your friends and family to extricate yourself safely - me thinks he might not go without a fuss!

Report
Aubriella · 21/09/2022 15:12

I don't think you need to see him. Dump him by text.

Do you have any of this things? You can leave them outside for him.

Report
Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 15:21

Itloggedmeoutagain · 21/09/2022 15:06

I thought he lived with you

I am still with my friends on break away xxx

OP posts:
Report
Itloggedmeoutagain · 21/09/2022 15:23

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 15:21

I am still with my friends on break away xxx

As long as your house and belongings are secure then text him

Report
Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 15:24

Itloggedmeoutagain · 21/09/2022 15:23

As long as your house and belongings are secure then text him

Dump hiM by text??

OP posts:
Report
CakeMonster1 · 21/09/2022 15:25

Please send him packing. You deserve so much better than being with a bully.

Report
Always4Brenner · 21/09/2022 15:25

Yes if need be you’ll be safe get home change locks make sure friends with you as this happens just in case he tries to come back police called if need be.

Report
Marvellousmadness · 21/09/2022 15:26

Yabu
For the fact that you waist your time with this thread and havent dumped and blocked this piece of poop already .

Why ask for our opinion... girl if you have to ask if you should dump him i dont think you should be allowed to have a phone. Use your common sense and dignity please

Report
bringincrazyback · 21/09/2022 15:34

Marvellousmadness · 21/09/2022 15:26

Yabu
For the fact that you waist your time with this thread and havent dumped and blocked this piece of poop already .

Why ask for our opinion... girl if you have to ask if you should dump him i dont think you should be allowed to have a phone. Use your common sense and dignity please

Well, that was constructive... 🙄

Report
bringincrazyback · 21/09/2022 15:35

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 15:24

Dump hiM by text??

Yes! After the way he's treated you he deserves far worse, trust me.

Report
Noviembre · 21/09/2022 15:39

Jesus.

Do you think every other woman has a relationship like this? Is that what he's convinced you of? I tell you now, we're sat with loving partners who say "have fun!" when we go out with the friends, are not rapists, and do not threaten.

You deserve the same.

This man has convinced you this is normal, when it's very much not.

Report
PassMeThePineapple · 21/09/2022 15:45

Please leave and definitely don't have kids with him to tie you to him. Google how to leave an abuser safely. I'm no expert but I imagine there's stuff online about it

Report
9thlife · 21/09/2022 16:57

RUN. RUN far away and fast.
he’s abusing you in every way.
sex by coercion is rape.

You’re bleeding after sex as he’s forceful, is this what you want for your life?
would you want this for your friend, sister, mother, daughter?

you can’t leave the house without asking,
would you want this for your friend, sister, mother, daughter?

you can’t post pics on social media because of what HE thinks, do you think that is ok or acceptable?

he sends you pages of abuse because HE didn’t get HIS own way.
do you think this is ok?
would you want this for your friend, sister, mother, daughter?

do you want a lifetime of treading on eggshells, of being scared of what he thinks, unable to do what you want without his say so, a lifetime of painful, forced sex?

YOU DONT DESERVE THIS

Report
Aldith · 21/09/2022 17:03

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 14:46

Was it european country?

It wasn’t a European country. I think in all European countries a marriage would be legally binding here.

Report
Bananalanacake · 21/09/2022 17:06

Well done on getting rid of him.

Report
Always4Brenner · 21/09/2022 17:08

Bananalanacake · 21/09/2022 17:06

Well done on getting rid of him.

We don’t know yet if op has yet, I certainly hope so.

Report
Notanotherwindow · 21/09/2022 18:16

I had a bf who seemed normal once. For like 8 months he seemed really nice. Then got all weird and controlling and attacked one of my doctors because he was male and had seen me in my bra. Got arrested and everything. Psychos, yours and mine.

Report
Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 18:36

Ive told him its over I dont think he believes me though

OP posts:
Report
Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 18:37

Aldith · 21/09/2022 17:03

It wasn’t a European country. I think in all European countries a marriage would be legally binding here.

Which country was it?

OP posts:
Report
Always4Brenner · 21/09/2022 19:17

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 18:36

Ive told him its over I dont think he believes me though

Tell him again get stuff of his if any at your place (be careful he doesn’t trash place though) then block.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Pumpkinsnearlyready · 21/09/2022 19:23

I ended a marriage by text!
Knew no way would he talk and I wasn't prepared to have him in my life another day.

Report
ShandaLear · 21/09/2022 19:26

Given he sent you pages of abuse by text, it’s perfectly appropriate to dump him by text.

Report
Maytodecember · 21/09/2022 19:34

They are never vile at the beginning —- who would ever want to be their gf if they were?
As you’ve seen his behaviour is controlling and will only get worse. I ignored this huge red flag, stupidly I married him and within a couple of weeks regretted it. I had 5 years of hell and tears of terror after I left in case he found me. Please do NOT follow my example. Tell him to go to hell, you deserve so much better.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.