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AIBU?

To breakup with a man for calling me a slut

115 replies

Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:15

I have been with My boyfriend for four/five years
we live together

I went out with my friends at the weekend in a city away and he asked me to not post pictures as he would be embarressed his friends would see me out on social media and think I was easy
one of my friends took a picture of me and tagged me when we were out
he found it in the morning and he sent me lots of messages calling me a slut and that I looked like a prostitute
He has sent me 10 screens worth of abuse that he says I cannot think for myself and I always follow the crowd
i asked if he will break up with me and he says no

i am due back this week
one of my friends is with me and she says that the screen shots of the messages alone would be enough to get him charged with control and cohersion. He is sometimes very loving towards me and buys me flowers

i do not always want to have sex but he says that couples have sex once per week so I should - I was bleeding after last sex so I went to gp and they said everything is ok. The sex part of our relationship is not great - he is quite forceful and always touching me

he wants to marry but I am not sure
i think I have to ask him to leave my house my friend says to break up with him and not look back
it is my flat and he moving in

would i be over reacting to dump him based on one argument / text messages? Is my friend right?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

465 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
2%
You are NOT being unreasonable
98%
OneFootintheRave · 21/09/2022 13:31

Listen to your friend!

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Pansypotter123 · 21/09/2022 13:31

You say the house is yours - is it owned or rented?

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Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:32

Pansypotter123 · 21/09/2022 13:31

You say the house is yours - is it owned or rented?

Rented but in my name

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MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 21/09/2022 13:32

CovertImage · 21/09/2022 13:26

For god's sake: "My boyfriend rapes me, mauls me, has made me bleed during sex and has sent me several screens of abuse. Is any of this a red flag?"

I can't be arsed

Be fair, he does buy her flowers. Altho we didn't get the 'don't tell me to leave, I love him,' unless I missed something.

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Pumpkinsnearlyready · 21/09/2022 13:32

Look positively at it op. You realised before you married him it had dc. And the flat is yours so no hassle there!
Block and delete all his awful messages.

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Bootsandcat · 21/09/2022 13:33

Dump him. Make sure you do it in a public place. Make sure your friends are aware/ can help if there’s any issue of him moving out. Please make sure you’re safe

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Always4Brenner · 21/09/2022 13:34

Better now that years down the line physically and emotionally broke, your well rid of this abuser and mates who’d think “you were easy” hugs now get police in if need be kick him out change locks.

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FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 21/09/2022 13:34

Have a friend or two there with you when you kick his arse out of your house.
DO NOT get back with him when he promises to change, because he won't.

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Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:34

He wasnt like this to begin with and my family and friends mostly think he is ok
until what happened and now my friend has lots of concerns
he is foreign and was here to study

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Badgirlriri · 21/09/2022 13:34

Imagine if your friend was telling you this about her boyfriend. What would your advice be?

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Octomore · 21/09/2022 13:35

How low is your self esteem, and how low are your standards that you even need to ask this question?

Of course you should dump a man who calls you a slut/prostitute and sends you abuse. Of course!

After you've split from him, maybe pursue some therapy or the freedom programme. You need to work on raising your standards so you never end up with an abusive shit like this again.

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Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:35

Badgirlriri · 21/09/2022 13:34

Imagine if your friend was telling you this about her boyfriend. What would your advice be?

I would tell her to leave and never ever ever speak to him again and to spend some time looking after herself for a long while to heal

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WaltzingWaters · 21/09/2022 13:37

He sounds absolutely awful, abusive and controlling. Definitely leave him. It’s not even based on him just calling you a slut, everything you’ve said here sounds like a crazy amount of reasons to leave him!

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Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:38

Thanks posters for quick responses
i have my friends with me to help
i feel sick

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mrsrupertpenryjones · 21/09/2022 13:39

Think logically. What advice would you give to a friend if they told you this?

You know the answer... You need to get rid of this this abusive arsehole.

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MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 21/09/2022 13:39

I'm delighted he called you a slut as it seems to have been the thing you needed to fully open your eyes to the abusive horror he is. Walk away and never look back.

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SimonaRazowska · 21/09/2022 13:42

So you either do what your DP tells you

or you do what your friend tells you

what do YOU think you should do?

(Btw think your DP is way out of line and I’d have dumped him way before! )

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jeaux90 · 21/09/2022 13:42

Who he actually is is the man that's calling you a slut and coercing you. The nice guy was a show to reel you in.

Bullet dodged. Spend more time on yourself and with your friends, they clearly have your back.

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NeedleWielder · 21/09/2022 13:43

Fucking hell, run for the hills and don’t look back.

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2bazookas · 21/09/2022 13:43

Are you COMPLETELY crazy? Or just trolling.

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Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:49

2bazookas · 21/09/2022 13:43

Are you COMPLETELY crazy? Or just trolling.

Nope real life sadly

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BearBibble · 21/09/2022 13:49

Have you ever watched the BBC3 drama (based on true events) 'Murdered by my boyfriend'? I'm not catastrophising - I think you'd see a lot that you recognise if you watch it with your eyes open

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Helpandadvice1 · 21/09/2022 13:50

BearBibble · 21/09/2022 13:49

Have you ever watched the BBC3 drama (based on true events) 'Murdered by my boyfriend'? I'm not catastrophising - I think you'd see a lot that you recognise if you watch it with your eyes open

That is so spooky because i wanted to watch that but he put me off it
Im not even joking
he said it was too graphic

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hoowhoo · 21/09/2022 13:51

Run for the hills he sounds awful if this is what he's like before you're married he will only get worse. Do not put up with his abuse

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Shoxfordian · 21/09/2022 13:52

Call womens aid for advice to leave him and the police if you feel unsafe - your friend is right, he’s abusive and sounds dangerous

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