To think it's ridiculous to expect a teacher to recognise you after 20 years

[Arbesque]

I was at a book launch last week with my cousin and her husband. She recognised her old English teacher who was also attending and started chatting to her. It was obvious the woman didn't recognise her and she just smiled and made a few polite comments before going back to her friends.

My cousin was genuinely hurt. She rang me this morning and was still going on about it and how English was her favourite subject and she always got great marks.

She left school in 2002. Would anyone expect their old teachers to remember them after that length if time, if they've never seen them since?

Your cousin had one English teacher. The English teacher has had hundreds of pupils. Of course she's not going to remember them all, especially after 20 years. Even if your cousin hasn't changed physically, it's not surprising her teacher didn't recognise her.

I'd love to bump into my old English teacher because English was my best subject too and she was brilliant, but if I did, my very first words would be 'OK, I know you won't remember me because it was decades ago, but you taught me for A-level.'

At least it means that your cousin probably didn't have a reputation as the Class Troublemaker: it is these who are likely to be recognized forever.

I went to a very small primary school (think fewer than 20 pupils in the whole school) and I bumped in to my old teacher recently - I suspect she didn't really remember me, until I introduced myself (and even then, I suspect there was an element of politeness rather than absolute recognition!). I wasn't in the slightest bit offended - its been a LONG time, I look entirely different, and she will have seen a lot of children in her years at that school.

That’s so lovely. My Mum was a Primary school teacher, and very well-liked by her pupils and colleagues. When out and about, we’d often get spotted by one of Mum’s pupils (past or present), who were always very excited to see her (and often couldn’t believe she went to Tesco like ordinary people 😂) It was a bit like going shopping with a celebrity.

When she died, we had some lovely messages from people she had taught who remembered her with such fondness. As you say, it is lovely and rather humbling to know that someone you love so much had such an impact on others.

I was selling my late mum’s house a few years ago and one of the viewers was a teacher who had taught me, for one year, more than 30 years before. She recognised me and even remembered my name. She didn’t buy the house.

My daughter is Y8 and somewhat miffed that her current history teacher still doesn’t recognise her after her being one of the reliable hands up in class to give the answer etc.. But she accepts that if the teaching is good that is primarily what they are there to do.

Yes I imagine it's the problem children who are most likely to be remembered.

Take it as a compliment that she didn't remember you. It was a good thing. You really do no want to have been memorable.

Sorry I know it was your cousin..she should take it as a compliment and in general one should take it as a compliment....

I wouldn't expect it, but I started secondary school in 2002 and a few of the teachers recognised my mum from when she was a student there, she left in '76 and had changed dramatically since!

As others say, a student can change so much while a teacher will probably look very similar. I would never expect a former teacher to remember me.

Actually, someone from DD's primary school recognised her and chatted to her the other day - she is 21 and looks fairly different from the 8yo she was. So I was impressed by that.

I was a teacher for several years, luckily not in the town I live in, but I still fairly often get former students saying Hello Miss, remember me? If I don't, I am honest and say I can't remember your name, sorry, but that's obviously because you were a really good student . Or if I can get away without letting them know I don't recall them, even better. Sometimes I do remember them but mostly for some special reason like twins, or amazing athlete, or really good at my subject.

My lovely dad was good at this - he taught at the same school for about 25 years and of course could not remember al l his students. He was a bit of a joker so they often recalled him fondly. I would often be with him in town and some lad comes up to him and chats; my dad was great at not letting on that he couldn't recall their name, you would never have known.

I had quite a hard time through school and a couple of teachers really pulled me though. I don’t think they’d recognise me now but they were quite important parts of my life story whereas I was probably an extra in theirs!

She ‘s being a bit silly but also, it’s having to change the picture you have in your head of this “special relationship” and realise that you’re just one of the many. She just needs a bit of time!

Your cousin was being unreasonable. She should have said who she was. Teacher may then have remembered her name. But even if she didn't it's hardly surprising - she will have taught thousands of pupils over the years. Some will be remembered for various reasons but others all blend into one.

Having said that I have met several of my own teachers over the years (nearly 30 years since I left school) and they all remembered me. I look almost exactly the same! And I think I was memorable for a couple of reasons which I won't go into here (but I wasn't a troublemaker - I was just a bit different).

And from the own classes I have taught, (primary school), I sometimes try to remember the names and faces of every child in a particular class when I'm trying to get to sleep. I can remember most of them but I do have a particularly good memory. However, if I met them on the street I probably wouldn't recognize them - people's appearances change a lot over the years.
If they told me their name I'd probably be able to place them straightaway and remember something about them.

I was amazed my old reception class recognised me some 30 years later!

I hadn't recognised her! In my defence she was at least 100 years old when she taught me ( working backwards she was probably in her 30s!)

@waterlego and @Neverendingdust lovely stories about your mums, I can well believe that.

I would like to add that I was really good at recalling the names of my students when I was actually teaching them - I could go round the class with hardly a mistake after one lesson. It was a special talent but evidently I don't retain the information :)

I have a distant relative who is a teacher.
I once, after not seeing him for a few years, bumped into him in a town we both happened to be holidaying near. I gave a big “Hello! Fancy seeing you here”
He looked at me quizzically and said “remind me…” because he couldn’t place who I was 😂
Your cousin is BTU to expect a teacher to remember her after that long.

I taught hundreds of kids in five years of teaching English and can barely remember any names. I doubt I would recognise faces which have changed from teenaged to adult. Each child only has a handful of teachers so of course they remember them.

You cousin is being a bit silly. The teacher must have taught hundreds to students since. I wouldn’t expect them to remember.

Your cousin is being silly and with an intro or anecdote the teacher may have remembered eg you took us to see x show and Kerry went missing and police found her etc. Unless your cousin is very distinctive physically (my dd has a physical disability so people always know it’s her) or was an absolute horror and teacher had a breakdown etc then chances are she won’t recall her on sight.

She was unlucky.
I've met both my English teacher and a Science teacher and they both recognised me...and I was in my 40s.
for info, I wasn't an absolute horror

On the basis my kids don't recognise me in my teen photos I can't see how a teacher would in reverse ! I was thin with beautiful long golden brown hair... I am now fat with wirey grey hair 🤦‍♀️😁

One of my teachers recognised me the other day, I couldn’t place her despite recognising my face. I think she was hurt I didn’t recognise her!

I'm in my 70s and always recognise ex-pupils when they approach me. It can take a few seconds for the cogs to rotate but I get there.

I'm always surprised that they recognise me these days.

I'm not a teacher, but I work in a shop and have lots of regular customers. I'm bad with faces and often have people coming in saying "has my order arrived" and I look blankly at them and have to ask what it was they ordered. And then I know exactly who they are.
I once had a man come in, was asking me how things were, being generally chatty. It took me a full minute to realise it was my FIL 😂

My dc go to the same secondary school I went to and There are two teachers still there from when I was there, both now SLT. When we went for the first look round/open evening at the school, dd was mortified as the head teacher recognised me and gave me a hug! (Smallish town, only one secondary school, so the majority go there).
I often see old teachers walking round the town, they smile and say hi, but I don’t engage them in conversation-imagine if every ex pupil did that, they would never get anything done! (My dm does stop everyone she knows for a chat and I find it infuriating). I’ve no idea if they remember my name or just my face. Maybe they say hi to everyone around my age thinking the chances are that they probably taught them years ago.