To have massively messed up our finances

[moneymortified]

My fiancé and I have been saving for our wedding for a year. I earn more than him but I’ve always been a spender. Never in debt or beyond my means but I’m not a big saver. We’ve been saving our money separately and have now come to pool it all together and I’m £1500 short. I don’t know how it’s happened. I just overspent every month and hoped it would all work itself out and now it’s come to it and I just haven’t saved enough. I honestly don’t even know what I’ve spent it on, just frittered on expensive skincare and make-up and stuff.

We have enough money to make up the shortfall but it means eating into our normal savings and my fiancé will cover it, like he always does, because he’s dependable and reliable and I’m useless.

He’s upset and disappointed but being quite nice about it. He grew up with a lot of debt in his family so gets worried about people keeping secrets with money because he doesn’t want me to end up hiding things and getting depressed and desperate etc. I’m just so embarrassed. How can I make it up to him? I never used to be so reckless, just lifestyle creep once my salary started going up.

OK you are not in debt which is good. So you don't spend beyond your means but have spent money which is earmarked for savings on things not needed. It also depends how much has been budgeted for the wedding. Being short £1500 on a 6k budget is different from being short on a 40k budget.
See if you can sell the unopened make up and you really need to have a change of attitude to spending. It's very hard when you are a impulse shopper. I find if I make myself wait before purchase the wanting to buy something passes.
Can you save into his savings account the shortfall? How long would that take?
CAP (christians against poverty) do a money course to help people manage their finances. Anyone can do it and you don't have to be in financial difficulties to access it. It's to help people so they don't get into difficulties or just want to manage their finances better.

also in your save account as well as a 1/12th of insurance MOT servicing presents christmas you need money for things you know will happen but not necessarily when, new car tyres, oil changes, new vaccum cleaner/ toaster / kettle, house maintenance, a new phone, none of these things are genuinely unexpected expenditure. if you live a long way from close relatives include the cost of an emergency trip to get there.

Longer term I start saving for my next car as soon as I buy one if you change cars every 3 years and you anticipate next one will be 15k and you will get 9 k for existing one you need to save 6k in three years ie £167 per month, then you effectively buy the next car for cash no more borrowing for cars you can apply the same on a smaller scale to phones computers and holidays

But you are planning to spend the £1500 on 2 wedding rings. I can't see that that is in any way a step forward.

Why isn’t it a step forward? Hopefully they’ll be wearing those rings for decades.

My advice on that score @moneymortified is to buy cheaper rings you really like and stick with them. Ours are plain gold bands - mine was embarrassingly cheap - but they haven’t been off our fingers in 22 years and I expect the first time they’re removed will be by the undertaker. You probably won’t want a new ring this time next year.

I’m willing to bet the OPs contribution to the savings has been more than her DP….just a hunch here.

@moneymortified Keep records of everything (absolutely everything) you spend. There are lots of free spreadsheet software you can use (Apple has Numbers, Google has Google Sheets).

See the patterns and try to break them. If you’re buying fancy coffee five days a week cut down to two and then to one. Can you change to good but not expensive skincare products?

Can you set up one of those “save the change” arrangements so any little odds and ends are moved into a savings account?

Why not set up additional savings accounts (I have a holiday one), if it’s not in your current account you can’t spend it. And don’t touch the account until you reach your goal.

I had to adjust my spending when the kids came along. I got rid of my mammoth 🦣 (by my standards) overdraft.

You can do this. You just need to look at what you’re buying and what triggers an unplanned or unnecessary splurge.

my top tips for cutting out spending:

Unsubscribe to email updates from brands you like

Follow the Reddit r/makeup rehab to surround yourself with people trying to stop wasting money on beauty products

'Shop your stash' when you feel bored with your clothes and make up - go through wardrobe and drawers to see what similar items you have

Sell good quality stuff on eBay or Vinted

Work out when you shop and why. Eg is it boredom/lack of purpose?

@TeacupDrama if you need to be informed of it's existence you don't need it; you know already what you need

This is very wise 🙏

MoneyMortified when I go shopping I always ask myself is it a want or is it a need because if its a want I do not buy it but if it's a need I buy it. And when buying clothes I ask myself when will I wear it and will I get my wear out of it ( I work on a clothing department).
Plus Congrats and hope everything works out well for you.

You just made a mistake OP, if you tell him you're really sorry and 100% committed to making a plan for your spending going forward, checking your online bank account every day and so on, keeping tabs on spending etc., that's be really great and enough. I bet you can do that fine by cutting out coffees or snacks out, making great budget choices for skin care and so on. It's not like you spent it on gambling in a crack down and it is 1500 over time, not your entire mortgage lost on one hand on the tables of Vegas.

Btw a lot of expensive skincare is white label stuff that is made in the same factories but then the higher end brands hike up the price after putting their brand on it. I've used sun tan lotion on my skin 365 days a year forever and not only is it cost effective it's also marvelous!

*crack den, not crack down (seems I have an innocent spell check)

You earn more then him but he managed to save more

if you need to save x amount per month uou transfer to another account the moment you get paid that amount monthly

Then you need an account where you can’t take it out

Maybe a course might help? school.yesandyes.org/p/how-to-stop-buying-shit-you-don-t-need1 I have heard her courses are very good. The code 'RETIREMENT' knocks 50% off. You have to type the code on though rather than predictive text it. I bought her '18 Scripts for Awkward Conversations' and that's pretty good for half price.

OP, your posts seem to indicate that you are aware of your problems and what is causing them so that is a big start. From what you have said, you need to

step away from social media
unsubscribe from store emails
sell unused products/s-h clothes etc (I recommend Vinted , I've sold lots on there)
look at MSE budget spreadsheet to work out exactly how much money you need each month to cover all year
save the money where you can't get access to it so easily, maybe premium bonds or a notice account

I would also advise your fiance not to marry you until you have your spending under control as unless you can do that, it will never change. I am not being horrible but talking from experience, that nothing will change unless you take active steps to do so.

Good luck

I’m another one who puts 1/12 of all annual bills away each month. I also have the bulk of my savings away from my main accounts in other financial institutions. The money goes out when I am paid straight to the savings pots and investments. ( It’s a bad idea to keep too much in your current account because if someone got access to your bank card that’s the account they can raid.)
As soon as I know I am likely to have a large expense coming up I work out how many months I have before it’s due and work out what I need to save monthly.
Any income I receive gross I immediately put the tax portion away.
I don’t adjust my budget for the 2 council tax free months (pay over 10 months) but repurpose the money for something else.