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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum's wedding speech

97 replies

GeneralSOneill · 20/09/2022 12:04

My mum is getting married in 2 weeks. I'm a bridesmaid though I've asked twice not to be, so I'm.alreafy a little mardy about the whole thing. I'm really really happy for her getting married, I'm just not in to the actual weddings themselves! (I eloped).

Mum asked me to organise her hen do which I was happy enough to do and it went really well. DH and I both work full time and have huge projects with looming deadlines so are working flat out at them moment, we also have a couple of health issues and 2 young children so life is a bit full on at the moment. I had asked if some of the other bridesmaids could help with the hen do but was told as they both wft (with adult children) they'd be far too busy (!)

Now, my sister has told me that mum is expecting me to write and give a speech at the wedding. That 2 of my brother's have been asked and declined so I have to do (my sister won't). Here's the AIBU:

I'm currently hanging on to my sanity by a thread with work, kids and health, which mum knows. I've checked with mum and she is expecting all my siblings to "chip in" writing the speech and I'm just to read it, but with 10 days to go, no one has so much as mentioned this to me and when I have now mentioned it to my brothers they've claimed to know nothing about it. So I've said I'm happy to do a reading, read a speech but I have neither time nor mental fortitude to write a wedding speech right now. Mum's pissed off at me and in a hump. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
GeneralSOneill · 20/09/2022 12:05

For clarity - all adult children 25+, only me and sister have kids currently.

OP posts:
Devilledmeg · 20/09/2022 12:06

Your poor mum

EnlightenedSlug · 20/09/2022 12:06

Just choose a poem yourself and read that.

harriethoyle · 20/09/2022 12:14

It must feel for your Mum like all of her children are incredibly unsupportive of her decision to marry and that's really sad. Your siblings should step up but if they won't, can't you spend 5 minutes writing something out - it doesn't need to be long or gushy, just something about how happy she and her DH look, how you wish them the happiness of their wedding day for the rest of their lives and how lovely it has been to share in their joy. That's it.

FrazzleDazz · 20/09/2022 12:18

You're thinking too much into this, it doesn't need to win any awards, just a short speech about how you're happy they've found each other/she looks amazing/wish them a lifetime of happiness & raise a glass to the bride and groom. Job done.

123ZYX · 20/09/2022 12:21

Would it work if you speak to all your siblings together (without your mum) and explain that you feel that the effort needs to be shared? Discuss between you what each of you will do. For example, could your sister write the speech and you read it on behalf of all of your siblings?

xogossipgirlxo · 20/09/2022 12:23

Just write a short speech how you wish them well and that's it. Long speeches are boring anyway.

BonjourBonheur · 20/09/2022 12:25

Your siblings sound really miserable. I feel really sorry for your mum that between the 4 of you you can't do what she's asked. I don't blame your mum for being upset, although it sounds unfair if all her upset is focused on you and not your siblings.

Can you set up a whatsapp group and tell them to get on with it? If you've agreed to read the speech, it's fair that someone else takes the lead writing it.

Gensola · 20/09/2022 12:25

Wow I feel really sorry for your mum.

Merryoldgoat · 20/09/2022 12:25

Reading between the lines, is your mum in princess mode and the wedding is the only permitted topic of conversation at the moment?

jeaux90 · 20/09/2022 12:26

Are you anxious about giving the speech or just don't have time to write one?

If it's the latter then just pick a nice reading (Something out of the Prophet is nice about love) if it's the first one then just say no.

FreudayNight · 20/09/2022 12:26

Easy Peasy.

  1. Happy to see everyone.
  2. beautiful bride, : she’s a great mother; great person. (Tribute to your GM if she is still alive)
  3. (Comment about your Dad if your mum is a widow)
  4. new Husband is a great guy. (Minor example of respect and kindness). Glad he’s officially joined the gang.
  5. Enjoy the party, wish them long life and happiness.
  6. Sit down.
jeaux90 · 20/09/2022 12:27

@FreudayNight has it !

PutYourBackIntoit · 20/09/2022 12:27

Set up a call with your siblings.

They give you a paragraph each and you add a paragraph.

BonjourBonheur · 20/09/2022 12:27

FreudayNight · 20/09/2022 12:26

Easy Peasy.

  1. Happy to see everyone.
  2. beautiful bride, : she’s a great mother; great person. (Tribute to your GM if she is still alive)
  3. (Comment about your Dad if your mum is a widow)
  4. new Husband is a great guy. (Minor example of respect and kindness). Glad he’s officially joined the gang.
  5. Enjoy the party, wish them long life and happiness.
  6. Sit down.

Very good.

TheSausageKingofChicago · 20/09/2022 12:28

Short speech + touching poem that sums up the happy couple

Clarinet1 · 20/09/2022 12:37

I like FreudayNight’s skeleton plan but, as you’re married, maybe you could include a reference to some kind of support your DM provided on your wedding day (mention some kind of Pearl of wisdom she gave you as you dressed or something).

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 20/09/2022 12:42

Aww this is sad for your mum. She's like one of her children to make a speech on her wedding day. Is it really so hard to pull together a couple of good wishes, tell her how lovely she looks and that you wish them a long a happy marriage? Maybe add a few anecdotes from your childhood?

The only speech I have had to do for my mum though was at her funeral, so I would have loved to be able to do it in a different context.

Original poster
GeneralSOneill · 20/09/2022 12:44

BonjourBonheur · 20/09/2022 12:25

Your siblings sound really miserable. I feel really sorry for your mum that between the 4 of you you can't do what she's asked. I don't blame your mum for being upset, although it sounds unfair if all her upset is focused on you and not your siblings.

Can you set up a whatsapp group and tell them to get on with it? If you've agreed to read the speech, it's fair that someone else takes the lead writing it.

The thing is it's ALWAYS left to me to do this. Her 50th, her 60th, Christmas, other birthdays and celebrations, her engagement party, her hen do. I ask for help off my siblings and get nothing back. And right now I just can't do it. I simply don't have the energy or time. If I ask them I know I'll just get nothing back and end up writing it the night before, at least by saying no now she can organise something.

I've said I'll do a poem/ reading but she wants a speech.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 20/09/2022 12:46

Does your mum have a brother or sister who could do it?

BakedTattie · 20/09/2022 12:48

YANBU. I think your mum is being demanding and unreasonable.

have you explained to her and your siblings that you need help and feel like you are unsupported?

KosherDill · 20/09/2022 12:48

Gensola · 20/09/2022 12:25

Wow I feel really sorry for your mum.

I don't. Her expectations sound excessive. Hen do for a middle-aged mother of four and grandmother?? Absurd.

Why can't the bride's friends handle some of these chores?

Tell your mother to get a friend to do a toast (not speech), OP.

Original poster
GeneralSOneill · 20/09/2022 12:49

MrsMoastyToasty · 20/09/2022 12:46

Does your mum have a brother or sister who could do it?

Not that she's close to.

OP posts:
Nosleepheree · 20/09/2022 12:51

You could have written a half decent speech in the time it's taken you to start a this thread and explain everything!

I think you're mistaking doing something lovely for your mum with what's 'fair' between siblings - a 3 or 4 minute speech on her wedding day would surely mean the world to her - why don't you just set a timer for 10 mins now and see if you can draft something decent? Once you've got it in front of you I'm sure it will appear as less of a massive task.

Original poster
GeneralSOneill · 20/09/2022 12:52

BakedTattie · 20/09/2022 12:48

YANBU. I think your mum is being demanding and unreasonable.

have you explained to her and your siblings that you need help and feel like you are unsupported?

Yes.

My mum says it's not true and that they always help (they don't - they couldn't even give me a few songs for a playlist for her).

I'd do a toast, but no, she wants a speech.

She's known for months that none of my brother's would do it but left it until this weekend to ask me saying one of brothers had said I said I'd do it (I knew nothing about it).

OP posts: