Mum's wedding speech

[GeneralSOneill]

My mum is getting married in 2 weeks. I'm a bridesmaid though I've asked twice not to be, so I'm.alreafy a little mardy about the whole thing. I'm really really happy for her getting married, I'm just not in to the actual weddings themselves! (I eloped).

Mum asked me to organise her hen do which I was happy enough to do and it went really well. DH and I both work full time and have huge projects with looming deadlines so are working flat out at them moment, we also have a couple of health issues and 2 young children so life is a bit full on at the moment. I had asked if some of the other bridesmaids could help with the hen do but was told as they both wft (with adult children) they'd be far too busy (!)

Now, my sister has told me that mum is expecting me to write and give a speech at the wedding. That 2 of my brother's have been asked and declined so I have to do (my sister won't). Here's the AIBU:

I'm currently hanging on to my sanity by a thread with work, kids and health, which mum knows. I've checked with mum and she is expecting all my siblings to "chip in" writing the speech and I'm just to read it, but with 10 days to go, no one has so much as mentioned this to me and when I have now mentioned it to my brothers they've claimed to know nothing about it. So I've said I'm happy to do a reading, read a speech but I have neither time nor mental fortitude to write a wedding speech right now. Mum's pissed off at me and in a hump. AIBU?

You sound at the end of your tether and I don't blame you for not wanting to do the speech - you seem to be the only one in your dm's family who feels guilt, so does stuff, while the others get away with putting the load onto you.

You could be really wicked, do as suggested in the post I've quoted and then for your "speech", say that you'd asked your siblings for their contributions, so here they are, "........" And then finish by saying that your contribution was a) organising the hen party and then gathering in the siblings' contributions to the speech, as had been promised.

I know you won't do it - but you could threaten it

I agree.

OP getting a hard time on here but sounds like everyone (mum, other BMs, siblings) are expecting her to do all the leg work while they sit back and relax.

It's hard to say no, but given everything you've done so far I think it's fine to pass the reins onto someone else for the speech. Personally I would be honest with your mum and say 'just letting you know I've asked X to take the lead on the speech since I organised the hen. I've got a big project on at work that I need to focus on now as well as spending some time with the kids.'

I feel so sorry for your mum that you are all too busy to do this for her. She must be so hurt

I actually said to her that I'm really sorry but I'm just not in a place to do the speech right now, you need to go back to one of the others - I'll happily read stuff but I'm just not able to write it.

We aren't all too busy. My brother's (3 of them) just don't want to.

Any half decent mother would be more concerned about this than about having all the trappings of "her big day." FFS.

Next time you have to organise something, birthday, Christmas, don't invite the other siblings who can't be bothered.

There's two seperate issues here, one of them is your resentment at your siblings, which is absolutely reasonable as they seem very happy just to roll everything downhill towards you. Your mother seems happy to let this happen. I also query how supportive you all feel of her marriage.

BUT I think that's an issue for another time, given the current circumstances. Yes you feel utterly overwhelmed, however in the interest of moving forward and making your own life easier instead of whipping up more bad feeling that you'll have to deal with for yourself, and making your mum upset, just write a quick speech.

You really could have written one with the time you've taken on this post, writing and reading replies. You've had a couple of good skeleton speeches, and previous posters are right, short and sweet is the key here. You could do one in five minutes and then put this whole thing to bed, you don't have to spend a moment more thinking about it.

This isn't "letting off" your siblings, it's making your own life easier. Going forward, when the wedding is over you can give some thought to how you want to address their lack of effort, but now is not the time. Get it done, for your own sake.

This.
Fucking 60yo mutton going bridezilla on her own daughter; embarrassing.

OP, now is the time to start prioritising your own health, for your own family’s sake.

This plus tag on a poem to pad it out. Your siblings are being very selfish and you are not unreasonable to feel resentful, not a lot you can do about it but perhaps taking one for the team on this one occasion will save upsetting your mum on her day. Just make sure you don't cover their backsides again.

Your mother is past 60 and still expects claptrap like a fawning wedding speech, from a daughter who is close to her breaking point from stress?

Talk about entitled and oblivious. You've done enough too much already. A hen do shouldn't have to be organized by one's child -- if she hasn't enough friends willing to sort it, she should have done without.

Send a group text saying "Mum wants someone to give a speech at the wedding. I am not in a position to write or deliver one, period. I've done the hen do. Someone else needs to take on this duty." Then wash your hands of it. If mom throws a shitfit at her own wedding, that's her problem.

I’d just say no and not do it and leave it to them to sort out, and if they don’t, she just doesn’t get a speech. It’s not an essential part of the wedding so she will survive. Theyl always treat you like a mug if you let them.

I understand exactly why you are saying no OP, its the bloody principle of it - you are always the one to compromise, keep the peace, do the work and when you need a bit of support there's none to be found!

If you do end up doing it for your own sanity, hitched.co.uk have a speeches section you could steal sections from!

Far easier to do a wedding speech than funeral we eulogy.

You're going to have to be more assertive.

I get that's it's your mum, and it's an important occasion, but it sounds like you've already done more than your fair share of the organising so far.

You need to delegate.

The ageism on here....the sexism....

I mean, in your position I’d test positive for covid the night before the wedding, and breathe a sigh of relief.
Your posts show how desperately stressed out you are - you’ve got to put yourself and your children first.

Your mum. Sounds. Like a mum from hell.

"I'm a bridesmaid though I've asked twice not to be" <---- this, however is on you.
I do not Understand* *thatyou have a voice but no backbone.

She pulled this crap 100 times before
Just pull out of this sideshow already

Nobody wants to hear a long speech.

Hi, thank-you everyone for coming to celebrate Mum & Bobs wedding can we raise a glass to the B&G to wish them the best for the future.

My Dads speech was 45 seconds, all along he said it would take 30 seconds wasn't a lover of public speaking.

Your mum is 60+ and wanted a hens
Thats even more bizarre.
The whole thing is bizarre

Seriously op. Stop endulding. Stop enabling. Tell her you'll come to the wedding but not as a bridesmaid. And if she doesn't like that, you are very happy to stay home

Jeez. Op really getting an unwarranted hard time about this. Also some quite insulting comments about dm being posted!!

Thing is, yes op could have done the speech instead of posting on here. But this isn't just about the speech, there's so much more to it. Op I really feel for you.

My suggestion is to take the speech outline from a pp, create a WhatsApp group for siblings and say someone else needs to do this because you can't. Put the website that someone suggested in too, add a personal reflection of your own for them to include ( and your siblings do the same) and then let them get on with it. Mention that dm will be upset on her big day if someone doesn't step up. You need to be firm.

Personally I think dm has been quite demanding and unfair on op - yes it's her wedding but you can't demand one person does all of this without spreading the load. And it is a load. However, it's her day so she's entitled to ask people to chip
In.

I think after the wedding dust has settled you need to have a chat with your dm about what your boundaries will be from now on. You need to look after yourself. Sending you a hug, a glass of and a bunch of

I thin YANBU at all! I think your mum sounds like she's being a bridezilla and reading between the lines, if NONE of her children want to do a speech for her that might say something...
You mention lots of other events you've had to organise for her - does she enjoy being in the limelight?

Don’t do it Op. Doesn’t matter whose wedding it is if you don’t want to do a speech don’t do one. Ridiculous that your mum is putting this on you. I can’t believe all the other posters saying they feel sorry for your mum. It’s not going to ruin her wedding that none of her children did a speech (although I guess it might throw up some questions about her parenting)!

As someone who has a bad habit of saying yes to things I don't want to do, I'd suggest this (not ideal, but run with it for a min)

Let us help you do a short speech. There are already templates on this thread.
(I know you don't want to do one, but this ultimately gives you a quieter life)

Go and be a bridesmaid, with everything that entails.

After the wedding, tackle the problems you have with your family by going no contact, or limited contact and becoming unavailable. Make this wedding the LAST THING you do for them all.