Mum's wedding speech

[GeneralSOneill]

My mum is getting married in 2 weeks. I'm a bridesmaid though I've asked twice not to be, so I'm.alreafy a little mardy about the whole thing. I'm really really happy for her getting married, I'm just not in to the actual weddings themselves! (I eloped).

Mum asked me to organise her hen do which I was happy enough to do and it went really well. DH and I both work full time and have huge projects with looming deadlines so are working flat out at them moment, we also have a couple of health issues and 2 young children so life is a bit full on at the moment. I had asked if some of the other bridesmaids could help with the hen do but was told as they both wft (with adult children) they'd be far too busy (!)

Now, my sister has told me that mum is expecting me to write and give a speech at the wedding. That 2 of my brother's have been asked and declined so I have to do (my sister won't). Here's the AIBU:

I'm currently hanging on to my sanity by a thread with work, kids and health, which mum knows. I've checked with mum and she is expecting all my siblings to "chip in" writing the speech and I'm just to read it, but with 10 days to go, no one has so much as mentioned this to me and when I have now mentioned it to my brothers they've claimed to know nothing about it. So I've said I'm happy to do a reading, read a speech but I have neither time nor mental fortitude to write a wedding speech right now. Mum's pissed off at me and in a hump. AIBU?

I feel immensely guilty about not doing it, but I'm very close to a breakdown to be honest. My mental health is very poor at the moment and my stress levels sky high.

I do completely understand your annoyance and the late notice is a pain in the arse, but I’d probably just do it to make her happy for her big day. PP above had a great outline for a nice simple speech, just mention how she’s a great mum and how happy you are for them both etc etc.

Hopefully will only take 10 mins! We can proof read for you 😊

Its death by a thousand cuts - "just" do this, "just" do that. It all adds up and OP already sounds overwhelmed.

I don't have the answer but sending sympathy.

I think the example speech above is perfect. I would use that.

If she has 3 adult children, for them to organise a hen do and speech between them isn't a big ask. With you though it sounds like a case of flog the willing horse. You are obviously the one who has had to pick up the slack for your lazy arsed siblings.

Having things dumped on you sucks OP. Writing a speech can be as hard or as easy as you make it though. It doesn;t have to be long. Thank people for coming. Congratulate your mum and DH. Share a memory of when you knew they were for the long haul or a funny memory. Some cliche line about how you and your sblings appreicate all your mum has ever done for you with some memory stuck in there, then a compliemnt to DH coming along and his new place in all your lives. Close with a toast. Done. Literally takes ten minutes to write on a napkin. I was best person for my brothers wedding and I wrote mine in two minutes on my phone on drive from church to the reception. All else fails, download a speech format from online and fill in the blanks.

If you insist on giving yourself the headache of getting your siblings input then:
Create a special wattsapp group of your siblings just for the speech. That alone can prompt people to action, then message in: "This is the wattsapp for mum's wedding speech which she wants all of us to contribute to and which I will read at wedding. Please drop a line or two. Since I am having to get up and give the speech since no one else will, a little effort on your parts would be appreciated. A compliment to mum or her partner, a memory of when you met him, when you knew they were for the long haul etc. Anything to make writing this easier and to show mom you gave a shit by contributing to the speech. Thanks."

If I didn't get any positive responses. I would pick a poem from the net about wishing a new couple happiness in their marriage. Then get up at wedding and say, "So, this speech was meant to be from myself and my siblings but when it came to putting into words how happy we all were for mum and DH we all seemed stuck for words. So, I am going to read this poem --by-- that I think says it all better than we could. (read poem) Mum, DH, I am so happy for you both and would like to invite everyone to raise their glasses. To mum and DH, may you have many years of happiness. Cheers"

If your mum gets mardy then you can show her the wattsapp group and that you made a legitimate attempt to get your siblings to contribute but that in the end you had to do it yourself.

No-one likes a long speech.

You could probably make yours up on the spot:

So happy mum is getting married, she looks absolutely stunning today as well
Is so wonderful to see everyone here to celebrate
We all really love the groom
We knew the groom was special when he <insert brief anecdote here>
Mum's always been an amazing mum to all of us.
I always remember when mum did <insert happy childhood memory here>
It's so special to see her getting married to a wonderful man.
Can everyone raise their glasses to mum, the bride

Done.

Are the other siblings collectively golden children and not really expected to do anything, and you're the one they think they (and mum) can all dump on? Or do they all feel safe doing sweet FA because they know you're too much of a pushover so you'll do it?

It sounds like golden children, given that your mum insists that that they do their fair share when in reality they don't. Write the bare bones of a speech as above and deliver it - now is probably not the time to refuse - and when it's over maybe you need to think about how you can become less available yourself. That may mean learning to be more assertive over boundaries, both setting them and sticking to them.

I don’t get why op is getting grief. It’s not ok to want all the fanfare of a big wedding if you are putting on people who don’t have the energy or time to give it.

I wonder why so many of her closest won’t chip and it gets all left to the op. Perhaps mum is a demanding diva and everyone else is staying clear of it.

You did the hen op, draw a line.

Just stand up and say how much you love her and how happy you are for her. That you had considered making a long speech but actually, you wanted to speak from the heart.

Use a song lyric as a quote e.g "As Tom Baxter sang, 'no matter what the day is, with you here, it's better'. You make each other better, you make each other's lives better, and all your children are happy that you have found such happiness"

Then make a toast.

I think you should stand strong @GeneralSOneill. Say “I did the hen so someone else needs to pick this up”.

It's totally reasonable that you are angry you have to do everything because your siblings are useless. You should definitely challenge this and put your foot down in future.

BUT your mum's wedding day really isn't the day to do this. Yes she sounds a bit demanding and a bit unreasonable but come on, it's her big day, don't put a downer on it. Tackle this another time.

This is very much not a good idea. Not only will you read a poem which your mother didn't want, you will publicly continue your private argument with siblings !

Yes, collective golden children.

And don't put a downer on it...it's not me that should be considered putting a downer on it - she's asked 4 other children and they've refused.

It doesn’t exactly take long to write a speech, you’d probably be able to do it in the bath one day. If it’s what makes your mum happy then I think you need to do it

or if you really can’t be bothered download a template online and fill in the blanks

YABU. You sound utterly miserable and I feel so sorry for your mum - none of her kids give a shit.

It doesn’t take long to write a speech. Stop whinging about it and just do it - she’s your mum fgs.

I am utterly miserable. Life's quite shit right now.

Put a message in the family chat which includes mum saying ' right guys mum wants a speech for the wedding. Now I've organised the hen and am a BM so it's your turn to get involved. If you really feel that you can't stand up and deliver it then make sure you have the finished draft to me by X. Mum if (insert other 3 feckless golden children names) don't manage to get it done in time i will toast you instead.'

Or something to that effect where you make it clear to all parties that this won't be lumped onto you.

I know your mental health is bad but I think youd be better just getting it done in 5 minutes than giving it weeks of headspace and falling out with people and eventually doing it anyway. Easier to do it without your siblings..too many cooks.

That doesn’t mean you have to make it shit for everyone else around you too.

Pull your finger out. Stop shitting all over her wedding, paint a smile on your face and get on with it.

Honestly, asking not to be bridesmaid repeatedly, not wanting to do the hen or the speech - you should be ashamed of yourself.

No idea why you're getting such flack OP. Your siblings need to pull their fingers out. You've done loads already, somebody else needs to step up!

Suggestion from @Hellodarknessmyoldpal is a good one

Why shouldn't my siblings pull their finger out?

And I have the right to refuse to be part of the wedding party.

I was fine doing the hen do, as I said.

No you weren’t. You whinged about that as well:

I had asked if some of the other bridesmaids could help with the hen do

We’re not talking about your siblings. We’re talking about you. Them being shit children doesn’t mean you get a free pass to be one too. Is that really the bar you want to set?

Your poor mother. “We’ll they’re not doing anything so I don’t want to either!” You’re not 5. Treat her with some respect.

You’re ruining what is supposed to be a happy event for her by having continual tantrums. Grow up.

With the time it's taken you to write on here and look at the responses you could have written the speech.

I think you've been getting a bit of a hard time from PP here, OP. People saying that they feel sorry for your mum because none of her children care - whilst I have sympathy for her too; why are your siblings blameless in this? Why do they get to say no, but you can't? There is bigger issues here than the speech.

Personally, do a short speech - a PP gave a lovely skeleton to base a quick speech on. The wedding is only two weeks away, and it would be nice for one of her children to say something. But make it clear that this is the last time you will do anything like this - her next big birthday/any other event, your siblings have to pull their weight, because you won't. be clear about this, and after the wedding pull away slightly. She'll soon realise how much you do, once the effort has stopped.