This doesn’t feel natural

[PoorPaddington]

Dropping Dd, 4 at pre school and her crying and wanting to be home with me and me making her go, when she could be at hone with me.
Why doesn’t this feel natural? Do we make our little ones part too soon from us?
Please someone remind me of the benefits of this and why I’m doing it if I don’t have to 🤷🏻‍♀️

t like that most parents go through this unless ones child does not dry/etc. Trust me it will be great soon.

Just dropped my 4 year old off at school for his 5th day. Another day of tears and screaming 🥹

Children will cry whatever their age if they are only used to being around one person. If you kept her home with you for 4 years more it wouldn’t make it any easier on her.

What are the benefits for her then, if she’s clearly happier being at home? It helps me to keep strong with it all to know

My son has been going to nursery since he was 1, so I'm not sure the crying is always because they are at home?

@ohthejoysoftoddler Awful isn’t it?

I watch my confident, happy child, become smaller, scared and vulnerable the closer we get to the gate 😞

Posted too soon.
It’s just the change, she will get used to it soon and so will you.
A structured environment is great for kids and she will have fun being around lots of peers.

The settling is tough but it won’t last forever. My DD flourished so much in nursery.

@PoorPaddington it really is. I'm so upbeat about it, try and do all the right things. Read all the books before school started. But the minute it comes to getting out the house he just goes to pot. I suppose time helps, it did with nursery. But like all these things, that doesn't help when you are in the thick of it

@ohthejoysoftoddler I keep it really light and positive and have to drop her quickly, otherwise looking at her wee face looking back at me makes me want to grab her, it’s so awful, she keeps saying she misses me

Same, mine saying misses me, but nursery was a longer day!

You don’t have to do this. There is always the option to home Ed. I do not do this but sometimes I wish I had. And yes, we send children way, way to early to school.

Just to say I kept mine with me, no nursery etc and they went into school just fine 😊

both my children walked into school on the first day without a backward glance. Which was upsetting in its own way!

Mine got to a stage where he no longer benefits from being surrounded by adults and benefits more from being with his peers. I've seen huge positive changes including behavioural changes. Mine started last January at 2.5 and still gets a little upset in the mornings but is happy as soon as I leave. I can hear him cheering his little friends and playing happily as I linger around outside the door to make sure he is fine and he is more than fine. Every child is different though with different personalities, the benefits so far has outweighed the little negatives we still experience in the mornings with my little one.

Some children are ready at a younger age than others. If she’s four and this is pre-school, and she isn’t settling, take her out and try again next year when she’s compulsory school age.

Can she explain to you why she cries? Does she just dislike being away from you and home, or is there a problem with other children or the environment?

None of it is natural. I honestly believe that we are designed to raise children in a much more communal, tribal way, with different generations of friends and family living in close proximity sharing the task of raising children collectively. From the time children can walk they would benefit from short periods time spent nearby but independently from their parents, minded by familiar adults with other small children and older ones too. Then by the time they are 4 they would be accustomed to slightly longer periods of exploring the world with older, trusted carers, (a bit like preschool and reception) which is a healthy way to grow and learn.

But the way our society is set up with us all partitioned off from each other - through no fault or intention of our own - means we have a very often intense period before children go to pre-school or school where their experience is often limited to the immediate family at home (sure they may visit friends and family and go to toddler groups and have periods in childcare settings but it's not the same as the feral utopia of my wild imagination). No wonder it feels like a massive wrench when they are suddenly in this much less familiar, seemingly impersonal environment of pre-school and reception.

I don't know what the answer is, but ultimately I think it is in children's benefit to spend periods of time in different environments to their parents if it can be done in a caring, healthy way.

Oh it is awful at the start. The second week is peak for crying at the door, once the novelty has worn off and before they settle in. What helped my son was meeting another little friend from his class outside and going in together, we also did that thing where you draw a heart on their hands and yours and they can press it when they miss you. That helped a lot.

@TulipVictory At what age?

@ComtesseDeSpair I thought it would be beneficial for her to go part time so next year isn’t such a shock being away full time 🤔

@ComtesseDeSpair She just says she misses me, she said it to me last night before falling asleep that she was feeling sad as she’d miss me in the morning at present school 😫she just does some mornings at present.
When we ask her if it’s fun etc, she says she likes it but wants to be at home

At four years old she will definitely benefit from the structure at pre school and being around kids her age. Also, she will be benefit from being out of her comfort zone and facing new challenges. Some things are very difficult to recreate at home. Another point is that next year she will have to go to school. It will be much easier for her of she ready has experience being away from you. The beginning is always hard but hopefully soon she will start to enjoy it.

From the research I have read it seems that under the age of three being at nursery may not be beneficial and on the whole kids might benefit from being at home rather than undergoing the stress of being away from their primary carer. However, after the age of three nursery is definitely of benefit.

I can relate to how you are feeling. My eldest is in year two and I still worry every day if they are comfortable and happy at school. My younger one ( one year old) has just joined nursery and screams his little head off every morning. It breaks.my heart to see him so happy and cheerful on the morning and then his little face becomes sadder and sadder till we reach nursery. Don't have a choice though..I have had to return to work so he has to go to nursery. I just hope he settles in soon.

Some kids find things harder than others. Some adults find things harder too. These are all valid feelings but it’s important for children to adjust. The ability to adjust and helping them learn to cope with new things is he greatest gift you can give your child OP.

They are safe, they have lots to do. They will see mummy later for cuddles. In the meantime, they are growing far more as people than they could being kept by your side to avoid the discomfort of adjusting.

Are you going to keep her at home forever?

Surely you must be aware of the benefits of education and socialisation?

Clubs and hobbies?

@PoorPaddington mine went to school at reception age (just turned 5) but didn't go to nursery/pre-school

Does she know you're at home? Maybe you need to tell her you're off to a meeting, work, the gym or something so she doesn't think you're home and she's not. If she says she wants to stay home with mummy you just make it clear you won't be at home and she can't stay at home alone.

It's very clear at school which children did or didn't have time away from parents/carers before compulsory age and it will benefit her in the long run to go, plus the people leading it are professionals in child development so she will benefit in more ways than one.