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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not finish his Dissertation?

121 replies

AcademicTwo · 19/09/2022 20:30

DH has a dissertation deadline in a few days, it's for a post graduate so he's been here before. He struggles with assignments and writing, I'm the opposite and it comes quick and easy to me.

We rowed yesterday and this morning it still carried over, I couldn't believe he thought he was in the right and later he apologised but now I feel this huge U turn was just to butter me up.

On some of his assignments for his degree and his previous dissertation, I've helped him flesh out what he's written, his subject is not my subject but I find it easy to waffle and add in generic sentences. But I find it boring and it takes about an hour for 500 reasonably meaningful words, when he decide to do post grad I told him I wouldn't be doing any work for him again.

He has come and asked me 20 minutes ago if I will help with the last 1500 words to flesh it out. I'm still raw from arguing and after watching the funeral all day was going to sit and do something uplifting this evening.

I feel he shouldn't have even asked me as if I say no I feel guilty for not helping.

It's a bone of contention that in the relationship he appears to do more tangible things for me - like massages - but I do the wifework he doesn't realise or see.

Regardless of the morals and ethics of him cheating and plaigerising, AIBU to refuse to help him when it's far easier for me than him to reach the desired outcome and I could remove his stress?

OP posts:
Original poster
AcademicTwo · 19/09/2022 20:33

Also, to not drip feed, he has spent 4 days off work working on it and thought he still has time this week I know he wants it finished so that he can go to a hobby event. I guess that grinds too as we've not seen him all weekend and if he'd had better time management of his dissertation instead of doing hobbies he wouldn't have needed to be so last minute.

OP posts:
KleineDracheKokosnuss · 19/09/2022 20:34

He needs to be doing his own work. And you shouldn’t be helping him cheat at all.

bbcdefg · 19/09/2022 20:35

That's cheating.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 19/09/2022 20:37

Of course you shouldn't help him cheat. Not because you can't be arsed but because it's wrong.

If he can't do the work himself, then he doesn't deserve the degree.

gretr · 19/09/2022 20:40

You really shouldn’t be putting waffle and generic sentences into a dissertation.

daretodenim · 19/09/2022 20:42

AIBU to refuse to help him when it's far easier for me than him to reach the desired outcome

YANBU. Although it's tricky given that without your previous help he'd not have been accepted for a postgrad in the first place.

But no. You shouldn't be completing it for him. I don't even do my children's homework - they would never even ask. I can't believe this adult man is even asking you to do his work for him.

Clearly he's unable to write academically at post-grad level and doesn't know his topic well enough - I'm always figuring out what to cut. If he's missing 1500 words, he's got a good chunk he's missing. He doesn't actually deserve to pass the dissertation.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 19/09/2022 20:44

The examiner will wheedle out all the waffle and be looking for factual substance.
You're really hindering your partner.
Stop it... your enabling his cheating.

RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho · 19/09/2022 20:46

For a PhD is there a viva (is that the right term?) surely if you write some of the dissertation he won't be able to speak well at the viva?

Cw112 · 19/09/2022 20:47

Totally get how hard it is working on something like this I've just finished my own dissertation and it was brutal at times but I'd never dream of getting someone to do it for me. If he struggles with the typing/writing he needs to speak to the tutor and request an extension or help with this but it's not yours to take on and he's being unreasonable expecting you to. Even if he sets aside a word target a day and some time to focus daily he'd get there but he needs a bit more self discipline. If he has ADHD or dyslexia that makes this hard to do he needs to contact student support so they can help with that.

Leeds2 · 19/09/2022 20:47

Let him get on with it by himself. It is his degree. And it is cheating, which you seem to just accept?

Unbridezilla · 19/09/2022 20:48

Sounds like he needs to get used to a few write-up all-nighters like most other dissertation writers will have done!

JellyTots2022 · 19/09/2022 20:50

That's cheating. YANBU. You shouldn't of helped him originally either.

Unbridezilla · 19/09/2022 20:50

Also, you say he has a few days. So does that mean it needs to be in on Friday? 500 words a day really isn't too bad and should leave time for him to check and review as he goes.

CakeMonster1 · 19/09/2022 20:50

He needs to do it himself. I'm sorry but it's his dissertation, he needs to do it. Why should it be down to you? He's taking the p

WeAreAllLionesses · 19/09/2022 20:51

Regardless of the morals and ethics of him cheating and plaigerising

A) 🙄
B) hope you spell better than that when you're helping him cheat...

KeepYaHeadUp · 19/09/2022 20:52

He needs to print it out, soend a day or two readinf through it and figuring out where he can add more value with actual knowledge, not waffle, then 1500 words should come easily. He may miss his event. That's on him

Natty13 · 19/09/2022 20:53

when he decide to do post grad I told him I wouldn't be doing any work for him again.

Well that's all you needed to say really. Why say one thing and do another?

Regularsizedrudy · 19/09/2022 20:55

Do you enable him in other ways?

TheCatterall · 19/09/2022 20:55

Hell no. He needs to knuckle down and crack on.

CapitanSandy · 19/09/2022 20:55

Dont help him. He signed up for this course not you so why should he expect you to do his work. And it’s blatantly cheating. So wrong!

I‘m slogging my way through my dissertation at the moment and it’s not been easy but I’d never dream of getting someone to help.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/09/2022 20:59

I'd have thought he'd be better off handing in something short and focused, than something with the same limited amount of substance, padded out with generic waffle.

Sounds like he's seriously under-researched his work, if he doesn't have more than enough material and a need to edit it down.

Also, unless you've done this for every assignment, his tutors will notice the difference in style. For a masters, his supervisor will only be dealing with him, or a handful of students. It's not like an undergrad course where they're marking numerous assignments at once.

AlwaysColdHands · 19/09/2022 21:11

Just to add, us markers of such pieces of work can usually tell when someone else has been involved. Change in vocabulary, style, tone……we get a good fishy smell and pursue it hotly.

OneCup · 19/09/2022 21:24

The consequences if he gets caught are massive!! Just don't do it!

Dwrcegin · 19/09/2022 21:25

Do not do his work for him. Bloody awful of him to expect you to. If he can't manage to finish HIS post grad dissertation, that is his problem.

Let him miss his hobby.

abovedecknotbelow · 19/09/2022 21:31

I don't know why you'd even think this was acceptable, never mind him. It's cheating.

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