To not finish his Dissertation?

[AcademicTwo]

DH has a dissertation deadline in a few days, it's for a post graduate so he's been here before. He struggles with assignments and writing, I'm the opposite and it comes quick and easy to me.

We rowed yesterday and this morning it still carried over, I couldn't believe he thought he was in the right and later he apologised but now I feel this huge U turn was just to butter me up.

On some of his assignments for his degree and his previous dissertation, I've helped him flesh out what he's written, his subject is not my subject but I find it easy to waffle and add in generic sentences. But I find it boring and it takes about an hour for 500 reasonably meaningful words, when he decide to do post grad I told him I wouldn't be doing any work for him again.

He has come and asked me 20 minutes ago if I will help with the last 1500 words to flesh it out. I'm still raw from arguing and after watching the funeral all day was going to sit and do something uplifting this evening.

I feel he shouldn't have even asked me as if I say no I feel guilty for not helping.

It's a bone of contention that in the relationship he appears to do more tangible things for me - like massages - but I do the wifework he doesn't realise or see.

Regardless of the morals and ethics of him cheating and plaigerising, AIBU to refuse to help him when it's far easier for me than him to reach the desired outcome and I could remove his stress?

@beastlyslumber

You're either someone with a pre 2000 PhD who is thoroughly bitter that you had a shit ride gaining yours due to lack of technology, or someone without any academic qualifications.

Whichever one you are, you're behaving really poorly. Pack it in.

100 words is 1/3 of an academic abstract. That shouldn't be taking you 2 hours, especially if you know what you're talking about. Some bits might be tricky and you definitely end up in patches where you spend an hour and a half reading to write 100 words from that material, but that isn't commonplace, or rather it shouldn't be.

I undertook my research and wrote my dissertation for my master's while working full time on the frontline over the first year of the pandemic. No sympathy from here at all. Your husband needs to do his own work otherwise the award is worthless.

The OP isn’t coming back is she. I’m guessing she doesn’t like the bulk of responders taking issue with the cheating which appears not to trouble her.

Even one on poetry or religion (or whatever) you'd still need to be making a point and backing it up with evidence of some kind. Whoever has the misfortune to mark this particular one is going to be red marking all the waffle with a very heavy hand. With any luck the final mark will be a fail. Oh, and a decent marker would pick up where there are 2 different writers..... Different people have different styles.....

I'm not behaving poorly. I'm giving my opinion, like everyone else is. Just because you happen to disagree doesn't make me badly behaved.

I'd say it's quite poor behaviour to launch personal attacks on posters simply because you disagree with their opinion. But you do you @daisyjgrey

Thanks for the goady post @AnnieSnap, alas I have other things taking up my time too.

Appreciate the comments re: cheating. When he applies himself he achieves high grades without my input, but he has to really work at it whereas I dont. The post grad has been done around other commitments and life events - like most people - however I was a last minute Larry myself but like others, I pulled all nighters and learned from it and at post grad level I feel he knew what to expect.

I understand his feelings, we all have times where we wish people could do things for us but I was never in his position that I had anyone who could seriously have helped me, not even at a basic level (other than tutors etc.). There is something of a Learning Difficulty that would give grace but he has chosen not to highlight this in his studies to prove something to himself - I guess that is even more reason for him to go this final hurdle alone!

I think wrt helping him in the past - I didn't probably explain so well. As I don't know his subject he would often tell me what he wanted to write and I would frame it as wordily as I can, it was a joint enterprise and he would often (to my frustration) tell me not to write what I suggested he say. I'd also help find the 'so what' bits but I do think I helped more to bring out further points than what is probably the fair amount. I understand education isn't supposed to be a joint venture but after 8 years of marriage it became just something else I did as a gesture of our partnership and playing to our strengths knowing it would benefit the family as a whole. All in all I probably helped with less than 5% of the actual degree and without my help the same award would have been achieved. I haven't done anything on this award and this is the final leg.

I think the offers to read through and give feedback are really sensible and I will do that but I want him to be proud of his own achievement too!

Posts about my spelling and grammar are very unoriginal and predictable but I will point out for those that really feel the need to go there that this is quickly typed on a device and is not a business or educational document that I need to check and refine.

God, his submitted work must have been dreadful the last times you helped him cheat. ‘[Framing it] as wordily as I can’ is very poor writing, just so you know. The person reading it would have felt sorry for him, and this was most likely a high admission cash cow sort of programme or uni in the first place. He clearly didn’t attend very competitive/good universities if your “waffle” was passed and he was admitted to post doc.

But in any case, you are both dishonest people. I hope he fails his dissertation.

“Framing it as wordily as I can” is the worst way of writing. You want to say things as concisely as you can, whilst putting across the meaning.

Mumsnet posts are just that - internet posts. I spend my life editing, I really cannot be bothered to bring that into writing here.

This. The dissertation must be pretty crap if some waffle from a non-specialist improves it.

Make him do his own work.

I can't believe that the two of you genuinely believe that "framing something as wordily as I can" represents good academic writing.

Where are people getting all this about OP's husband doing a PhD? OP hasn't said that (has she?).

Don’t do it. I am also submitting a Masters dissertation this week. Apart from showing me some stuff with exel and proof reading ‘all’ my husband has done is keep the house and DC going.

@AcademicTwo If it goaded you into responding to people’s posts, that a good result 🙂

You said “There is something of a Learning Difficulty that would give grace but he has chosen not to highlight this in his studies to prove something to himself”. He never has proved something to himself though if you have been helping with his academic work in the past and he is asking for that now! Helping with “5% of the degree” is significant and I think the behaviour of both of you is pretty disgusting.

Apart from showing me some stuff with exel and proof reading ‘all’ my husband has done is keep the house and DC going.

That's all the input DD got from me for her dissertation. She had never used excel before and didn't have a clue about what to do with the data, so I showed her how to use it then proof read it at the end.

@beastlyslumber you have written off the work of every single person who gained an academic qualification post 2000 as worthless...

It's not an opinion, it's factually incorrect.

No, I said academic qualifications are meaningless @daisyjgrey. It's okay, I'll live without your apology for having a go at me and then misrepresenting what I said.

Obviously they are not worthless (well, some are, to be fair) but they no longer represent the achievements and knowledge that they are supposed to. They do not mean what they are supposed to mean.

@beastlyslumber I've no intention of apologising for pointing out that you're wrong 👍🏻

I would never expect someone to apologise for disagreeing with me. But you have behaved very poorly towards me, and while I didn't ask for an apology and don't expect one, it does seem a shame that you can't have a difference of opinion without making it personal.

Still, I wish you all the best @daisyjgrey

Are you always so measured in your responses?