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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not finish his Dissertation?

121 replies

AcademicTwo · 19/09/2022 20:30

DH has a dissertation deadline in a few days, it's for a post graduate so he's been here before. He struggles with assignments and writing, I'm the opposite and it comes quick and easy to me.

We rowed yesterday and this morning it still carried over, I couldn't believe he thought he was in the right and later he apologised but now I feel this huge U turn was just to butter me up.

On some of his assignments for his degree and his previous dissertation, I've helped him flesh out what he's written, his subject is not my subject but I find it easy to waffle and add in generic sentences. But I find it boring and it takes about an hour for 500 reasonably meaningful words, when he decide to do post grad I told him I wouldn't be doing any work for him again.

He has come and asked me 20 minutes ago if I will help with the last 1500 words to flesh it out. I'm still raw from arguing and after watching the funeral all day was going to sit and do something uplifting this evening.

I feel he shouldn't have even asked me as if I say no I feel guilty for not helping.

It's a bone of contention that in the relationship he appears to do more tangible things for me - like massages - but I do the wifework he doesn't realise or see.

Regardless of the morals and ethics of him cheating and plaigerising, AIBU to refuse to help him when it's far easier for me than him to reach the desired outcome and I could remove his stress?

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 19/09/2022 21:49

Just goes to show how meaningless a PhD is these days.

AuldReekie1905 · 19/09/2022 21:54

This is absolutely awful and I can't believe you've helped him before. He's either too lazy or not smart enough, either way he shouldn't be doing a post grad if he can't do it himself and you shouldn't be helping him with any of his studies period!

sonjadog · 19/09/2022 21:56

He should definitely do it himself. If he gets caught, he will be in big trouble. Not worth risking it for so few words.

It isn’t a PhD. PhD writing does not work like this.

akabluebell · 19/09/2022 21:57

daretodenim · 19/09/2022 20:42

AIBU to refuse to help him when it's far easier for me than him to reach the desired outcome

YANBU. Although it's tricky given that without your previous help he'd not have been accepted for a postgrad in the first place.

But no. You shouldn't be completing it for him. I don't even do my children's homework - they would never even ask. I can't believe this adult man is even asking you to do his work for him.

Clearly he's unable to write academically at post-grad level and doesn't know his topic well enough - I'm always figuring out what to cut. If he's missing 1500 words, he's got a good chunk he's missing. He doesn't actually deserve to pass the dissertation.

This.

Overandunderit · 19/09/2022 21:59

You both lack any shred of integrity. I hope he somehow gets found it. Disgusting.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 19/09/2022 22:01

I can’t even work out what a ‘generic sentence’ would be, but can guarantee it wouldn’t get any marks at GCSE level, let alone postgraduate.

And if you’ve ‘helped’ previously, there’s always a risk, however small, that his previous degree could be stripped off your DH too.

AquaticSewingMachine · 19/09/2022 22:03

gretr · 19/09/2022 20:40

You really shouldn’t be putting waffle and generic sentences into a dissertation.

This. What you're doing is a) cheating that would get him stripped of his degree anyway if the uni knew b) actively making his dissertation worse by adding meaningless verbiage. If it isn't long enough, he needs to add more substance, not more padding. If it doesn't need more substance, then he should just fucking submit it.

Papirus · 19/09/2022 22:09

How does waffle and generic sentences help in a dissertation? I mean, I'm no academic, but it doesn't even help at GCSE!

BeeandG · 19/09/2022 22:31

If he's struggling he needs to apply for an extension to his deadline so he can complete his work.

RampantIvy · 19/09/2022 22:53

I'm always figuring out what to cut

DD always ended up having to cut out stuff out rather than struggling to add stuff.

She sent me her finished piece to proof read and sensor check. I didn't understand it, but made sure it flowed.

He needs to ask for an extension if he can't meet the deadline.

dworky · 19/09/2022 23:29

You shouldn't be doing it in any circumstances.
Helping is one thing, doing it for him is cheating.

JulesCobb · 19/09/2022 23:34

1500 words is an assignment in itself! You cannot waffle through that amount of content.

tell him no. Lazy fucker.

LeavesOnTrees · 19/09/2022 23:35

Tell him to hand it in as it is if he can't be bothered to do it himself.
It's better than adding 1500 words of waffle.

CandyLeBonBon · 19/09/2022 23:36

Ffs adding waffle and filler sentences in a postgrad dissertation doesn't sound like either of you know what's required? At this stage he should be culling and editing down, not looking for fluff to bump up the word count?

JenJones5 · 19/09/2022 23:41

What university and course can he be on that the OP’s appalling English and spelling is supposed to help him get over the line?

CapMarvel · 19/09/2022 23:43

If he can't write it himself he doesn't deserve the degree.

gnilliwdog · 19/09/2022 23:45

You could read it and tell him what you think could be improved or made clearer, maybe? Often making an argument really clear does involve more words. I don't know if that's cheating, but I think it should be OK for you to give feedback. He'd be better off getting that from someone who knows the subject, though.

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 19/09/2022 23:47

Of course you shouldn't be writing anything for him. If he gets a qualification that's a certificate that he can produce knowledge of the required calibre. If he can only reach the required standard with your help, that would be fraudulent misrepresentation of his abilities.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/09/2022 23:56

If he gets a job on the strength of his qualifications I hope you'll be able to spare the time to drop in and give him a hand with that as well 🙄

EmilyEmmabob · 20/09/2022 00:04

If you're both planning on padding it out with 1500 words of waffle and generic sentences he may as well save both if you some time and hand it in as it is.

How ridiculous. Stop enabling him, I bet he brags about his 'qualifications' too.

AnnieSnap · 20/09/2022 00:10

You’re not being unreasonable not to help. Although I notice that your reasons for not wanting to are not about him cheating. I loath academic cheating!

BadNomad · 20/09/2022 00:21

Yeah, you're being passive-aggressive to not do something you would normally do for him because you're annoyed.

Does he have a learning difficulty? Or does he not understand how to research and write essays? Or is he just lazy?

Summerfun54321 · 20/09/2022 00:36

If he can’t write a dissertation then he shouldn’t be doing the course.

PicaK · 20/09/2022 03:53

Helped with writing my ex's education big essay. The padding out you're talking about I completely get.
He just got made Professor and is now raking it in. I resent the time I spent.
So say no.

KassandraOfSparta · 20/09/2022 07:58

Assuming it's a Masters Dissertation we're talking about, 1500 words is about 10% of it. Many Masters students, me included, will get other students to read over work before submitting. On my course we have a lot of flexibility within our topic so we all do different things for assessments/dissertation. BUT, our checking over is pointing out typos, formatting errors, referencing mistakes, sentences which don't make sense and so on. Not writing huge chunks of it.

Having to pad or fill with meaningless waffle for 10% of your dissertation is really poor - the tutors are going to spot the waffle however well written it is.

It's one thing him sitting with you explaining what he wants to say and you helping him find the words. But asking you to "flesh out" 10% is not doing him any favours at all.