To not finish his Dissertation?

[AcademicTwo]

DH has a dissertation deadline in a few days, it's for a post graduate so he's been here before. He struggles with assignments and writing, I'm the opposite and it comes quick and easy to me.

We rowed yesterday and this morning it still carried over, I couldn't believe he thought he was in the right and later he apologised but now I feel this huge U turn was just to butter me up.

On some of his assignments for his degree and his previous dissertation, I've helped him flesh out what he's written, his subject is not my subject but I find it easy to waffle and add in generic sentences. But I find it boring and it takes about an hour for 500 reasonably meaningful words, when he decide to do post grad I told him I wouldn't be doing any work for him again.

He has come and asked me 20 minutes ago if I will help with the last 1500 words to flesh it out. I'm still raw from arguing and after watching the funeral all day was going to sit and do something uplifting this evening.

I feel he shouldn't have even asked me as if I say no I feel guilty for not helping.

It's a bone of contention that in the relationship he appears to do more tangible things for me - like massages - but I do the wifework he doesn't realise or see.

Regardless of the morals and ethics of him cheating and plaigerising, AIBU to refuse to help him when it's far easier for me than him to reach the desired outcome and I could remove his stress?

Also agree that the main issue most of my fellow students have is editing down to get the word count down to the word limit, +/- 10%. Not padding it out.

Don't cheat. You can proofread it, that's it.

Some people find it hard to put down ideas into full sentences. So I think what OP means is that she expresses his ideas in a way that is varied and reads well. But her DH knows the content.

I think it is fine to give him generic skills: like give him a bunch of formats of example sentences he can pick from. Also fine to proofread and underline sentences that don’t read so well, so consider changing.

but he should do it himself. He decided to do this postgrad. He can choose whether hobby or postgrad is more important. I think if he isn’t pulling his weight, he shouldn’t be doing the postgrad - but the time for that conversation was before he started it I guess.

I think if he's missing 1500 words then he needs more content, 1500 words of filler isn't going to add anything of value and will be immediately obvious to the marker...

Waffling and generic sentences won't get him through a postgraduate dissertation. He needs hard, factually-supported and properly argued content.

Me and my dad read each others essays and point out sentences that make no sense or lack references- I have sone it with other masters students too when it's essays on different topics. But it's never suggesting ideas, and I avoid commenting on factual stuff -I am not checking the content just readability.

Just hand it in short rather than add waffle. Or he expands parts where it's not crystal clear what he is getting at.

Agree with others that waffle and fluff won't make his dissertation any better or complete. They only want the useful bits, so he needs to add actual information.

but I find it easy to waffle and add in generic sentences. But I find it boring and it takes about an hour for 500 reasonably meaningful words

Isn't this a bit of a contradiction?
He should finish his own work , it's cheating otherwise.

The thing is @AcademicTwo , you've already told him that if he continued in his education, you wouldn't help him. Irrespective of the latest argument, you had previously told him it was up to him to do whatever needed to be done. While he'd been doing this, you've been carrying the family load (mental and otherwise). He doesn't get to foist himself in there too and demand your time and expertise here.
This was his choice to do, let him do it.

He writes it. You can proofread and if there is need for a few fluffs then go for it. But he can't use you just write extra 1500 words.

Also, "Regardless of the morals and ethics of him cheating and plaigerising". What? That's the whole point. If your question is "should you make life easier for your husband if you can" but it being cheating it is very relevant

Don't add generic sentences. No examiner wants to read waffle. If you can proof read and help him with things like structure, clarity, etc that's a different matter but waffle honestly isn't appreciated (aparz from that you shouldn't do any writing for him)

So apart from that yes, I would help him if you were going to help him anyway if you hadn't had the argument. But if it was me I'd mention it in the next argument 😂

This. Better to hand it in with less words rather than bulking it up with meaningless waffle.

You add pages of waffle on a subject you know nothing about and that is helpful? Can't see it somehow.

I can’t believe your asking this about your husband PhD. I’m always 🙄 when people do this for their young children.

You can't often just "hand it it with less words". On many courses it will say for example 12,000 words, plus or minus 10%.

So if you have only written 10,500 words, that's an automatic fail.

This 100%. If he can't write his dissertation, he doesn't deserve the degree.

"when he decide to do post grad I told him I wouldn't be doing any work for him again."
So stick to that. You forewarned him.

Two possibilities:

I'm autistic and have failed to complete many many things, including a masters, where I did everything except finish the dissertation. Is there any possibility your dh could be neurodiverse? What I've gathered from my therapy discussions, reading and other people I've met with ASD and ADHD, is that it's very common for neurodiverse to have a string of unfinished projects. If that's a possibility then I'm sympathetic to him as I know that feeling of seeing deadlines approach and just having the executive function to be able to do what's needed. In that case I'd help him if he can't get an extension, but also make clear that it's something he needs to address himself after this deadline is over.

On the other hand he could just be a man who expects a wife/partner to be a PA and pick up all the stuff he refuses to deal with. He may not even be aware that he does this. I've been married to a man like that who thought I was a way of outsourcing some of the boring administrative aspects of his life. So if this is your dh, and he is perfectly capable of having done what's needed, then it's his responsibility to deal with the consequences of failing to do it.

It will be a very shit dissertation if 10% of it is just waffle. If he's spent four days writing it and is 1.5k short of the word count then he's done a shit job of his prep.

1500 words is one more title in a lit review, if he's that desperate, tell him to read a sodding book.

Come on people, this is not a PhD. People who can't write don't begin or survive PhDs and you can't do all the writing in the final week. This is a Masters dissertation.

Or it will be if Mr 'has some ideas but can't write well, hasn't bothered to practice and improve with his tutors' help (it's one of the things they're there for - access to their critical skills is one of things he's been paying for but squandering all this time) and can't be bothered to have a go, review his own work and make as good as possible in the time available' ever does the last little bit of work.

Prioritising a hobby weekend, over a masters degree??? Why bother with education at all, if that's your attitude?

Yeah wanting you to flesh out his work so he can go do a hobby would pee me off.

Regardless of the morals and ethics of him cheating and plaigerising, AIBU to refuse to help him when it's far easier for me than him to reach the desired outcome and I could remove his stress?

I'm going to one of the few to answer your actual AIBU and say, YANBU at all.

I completely agree he has engineered the make up in time to ask you to do the work.

Don't help him.

I know that feeling of seeing deadlines approach and just having the executive function to be able to do what's needed

I meant NOT having the executive function to be able to do what's needed. Duh!

Don’t help. He needs to pass or fail on his own merits, not yours.
Proof reading is one thing, actually writing for him is quite another. It’s home cheating, not being up to the required standard, and unfair to other candidates, who have completed the work alone, as they should.

I work as an editor and it is perfectly acceptable to have someone look over your work and tighten it up. But it is normally the opposite removing the waffle, questioning the generic sentences, reading for sense and removing any errors.

Adding in 1500 words is a huge chunk and it is clearly lacking and he needs to do it. You adding it in is simply going to get it to the word count and not add in anything.

Quite how you have managed to do it thus far is impressive

Academic writing is hard. How on earth can you do 500 words in an hour? It took me probably 2 hrs for 100 words and that's with having actually studied the subject. You can't waffle. Every bit has to have some meaningful detail with quotations etc.