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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist he either pays for damages or doesn’t come around?

94 replies

Dorkuses · 19/09/2022 12:52

Been seeing someone for around a year. He’s ridiculously clumsy and breaks so many things it’s starting to really piss me off.
examples -
flung his jacket on in the living room and smashed my light shade
threw himself onto my sofa and broke part of the wooden frame
kicked a mug off the coffee table that smashed
broke DS’s trainset being too heavy handed
jumped on the bed and snapped a slat

whenever he breaks anything he looks all embarrassed and apologises but he never offers to replace or pay!! The light shade for example cost me £200 and his excuse was “you could get a similar one for £20 in Argos” I don’t want a £20 one from Argos!!!

his clumsiness is starting to give me the ick

Last night he broke a flower pot chucking it on the floor. I said I wanted him to replace it and he said I was being petty as it was an accident. He went home in a mood and I messaged him saying from now on, anything he breaks in this house gets replaced or paid for. AIbU?

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 19/09/2022 12:54

Sounds more like he has no respect for you rather than being clumsy and you are putting up with it.

I bet his belongings aren't trashed.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 19/09/2022 12:56

Send him a bill for all the damages. Refuse to see him until he pays up.
Then dump him.

AlsoknownasOther · 19/09/2022 12:57

Bin him. He's showing no respect for you, your kid or your belongings. He is never going to pay for any repairs.

NewIdeasToday · 19/09/2022 12:57

He has no respect for your home.

does he have any respect for you?

AmyDudley · 19/09/2022 12:59

No YANBU, - what is unreasonable is the fact that he hasn't offered to pay for anything he has broken. It sounds as if he is careless rather than clumsy (does he have any conditions that would make him clumsy or lacking in spacial awareness or heavy handed?)even if he can;t help it, he should offer to replace like for like. If he won;t pay up, I'd ditch him.
As a matter of interest is he careful with his own stuff, - is it just other people's thing he breaks?

missyksmt · 19/09/2022 13:03

Eeew. Surprised you haven't developed the ick..

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2022 13:03

How did he manage to kick a mug off the coffee table? What was he doing? 😂

bringbackveronicamars · 19/09/2022 13:06

So it's ok for him to be careless and constantly break thinks in your home, not really being sorry, not paying for any of it and not changing his behaviour?

I'd be done. He doesn't value you or the things you've worked hard for.

Summerfun54321 · 19/09/2022 13:20

Fine to be clumsy - some people can’t help it. But not fine to break things and kick up a fuss about replacing them. He sounds really tight and rude.

MervynPumpkinhead · 19/09/2022 13:21

This is a respect thing, not a clumsiness thing OP. I had this with an ex; scratching my car, breaking crockery, dropping stuff on my carpet. Best thing you can do is bin him off. He'll just get worse and may even escalate his disrespectful behaviour.

Hankunamatata · 19/09/2022 13:24

Clumsy is one thing but if my dh had done when dating he would have immediately repaired it or brought an exact replacement. He sounds tight

BobLemon · 19/09/2022 13:56

No respect for your belongings = no respect for you. Gross.

Testina · 19/09/2022 13:59

Nope. Tried. Couldn’t work out why you’re not ending it.

CrapBag39 · 19/09/2022 14:01

I’m dyspraxic and don’t break as much stuff as him. He sounds like a total knob.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/09/2022 14:03

Does he continually break his own stuff?

TwilightSkies · 19/09/2022 14:03

Is he clumsy and useless in the sack too?

MadeForThis · 19/09/2022 14:03

He breaks it, he pays for it.

bevelino · 19/09/2022 14:04

Go round to his house and break a few things.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 19/09/2022 14:10

Yeah how clumsy is he with his own things?

properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 14:11

Why was he throwing a flower pot. I'd ditch him

frazzledasarock · 19/09/2022 14:14

Sounds like he’s purposely trashing your stuff.

send him a total of what he owes you, tell him not to contact you until it’s paid up in full.

then dump him once he has paid.

hattie43 · 19/09/2022 14:14

I wouldn't put up with that either . Breaking an item is unfortunate but multiple things is ridiculous, he obviously has no care for your belongings and you can't be expected to hide everything before his arrival

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 19/09/2022 14:15

properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 14:11

Why was he throwing a flower pot. I'd ditch him

This. And also 'kicked a cup off the table'. Neither of those sound accidental to me. XH used to do this kind of thing. My stuff, not his. My bathroom carpet ended up full of fag burns. As a friend pointed out, no respect for my stuff. Nor me, as it happens. Don't be me. Knock it on the head sooner.

gamerchick · 19/09/2022 14:19

Why did he throw a flower pot onto the floor?

Invoice him for the stuff he's damaged, because let's face it. Some of those are pretty big damages. Then just see him at his house if you want him.

Tangelablue · 19/09/2022 14:24

I really thought you were going to say you told him from now on he is not welcome in your house. He's testing your boundaries. Who throws a flower pot on the ground then says it was an accident when it breaks. Doesn't sound the full shilling

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