To insist he either pays for damages or doesn’t come around?

[Dorkuses]

Been seeing someone for around a year. He’s ridiculously clumsy and breaks so many things it’s starting to really piss me off.
examples -
flung his jacket on in the living room and smashed my light shade
threw himself onto my sofa and broke part of the wooden frame
kicked a mug off the coffee table that smashed
broke DS’s trainset being too heavy handed
jumped on the bed and snapped a slat

whenever he breaks anything he looks all embarrassed and apologises but he never offers to replace or pay!! The light shade for example cost me £200 and his excuse was “you could get a similar one for £20 in Argos” I don’t want a £20 one from Argos!!!

his clumsiness is starting to give me the ick

Last night he broke a flower pot chucking it on the floor. I said I wanted him to replace it and he said I was being petty as it was an accident. He went home in a mood and I messaged him saying from now on, anything he breaks in this house gets replaced or paid for. AIbU?

Good grief why are you still with this muppet?

Dump him.

He's testing your boundaries, and doubling down with the Argos suggestion.

He has no respect for you or the home you have made for yourself.

Why is he kicking mugs and jumping on beds? That alone would make me say goodbye, I don't think we're compatible, and block him.

He sounds like he has issues. Kicking crockery and throwing things on the floor?

He's either gearing up to be aggressive or he's just a selfish child who thinks his silly tantrums and smashing of your objects are 'accidents'. Find a nice normal adult man instead.

Seconding everyone saying to put him in the bin with all your broken stuff.

This seems like something beyond clumsiness- like he's testing you in some strange way to see what you'll take, which is all kinds of ick.

And it sounds like he's not someone you can trust around your kids- it's kind of violent for them to be around someone who's always throwing themselves round and creating chaos and shows you no respect.

It's happening over and over again. And it's not just your stuff- it's toys belonging to your kids.

Do you want your kid talking to his/ her therapist in 20 years saying their mum had a boyfriend who broke all their stuff and she did nothing about it? Nope.

Also seconding people saying it sounds like he might be gearing up towards aggression, and you shouldn't 'wait and see' if this becomes true.

You're grown with kids. You deserve someone who treats you and your family with love, decency and respect.

*also meant to say it's a terrible example for your kids to see that mummy will take anything, and put up with this behaviour

Yeah, that's not clumsy. Clumsy is accidental. Throwing things and himself around is just a reckless disregard for other people and their property.

Nah he needs to pay for the things he's already broke then fuck off. I can't believe you didn't demand payment and ditch him after he disrespected your child like that!

YANBU.

I’m dyspraxic. I break things ALL THE TIME. It’s not a lack of respect or care for other people’s things, I just literally do not have the depth perception or fine motor control to avoid smashing things, knocking things off or landing heavily on things. I still have 3am sweats about knocking over two large 10ft sets of full bookshelves at the book fair when I was nine years old.

Oh. God.

But, I would constantly apologise and I would offer to pay (if I could afford it) and if I couldn’t, I would offer a payment plan. My condition shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem. Your fella sounds like he has something similar but believes he should have a free pass for all of it. Deffo uncool.

YADNBU.

I’m severely dyspraxic, I’m so clumsy it’s fucking embarrassing. I make sure I stay well away from anything that I know was expensive or looks expensive and I sure as shit don’t just throw my things around!

YANBU.

I find this really interesting though. There was a thread a few weeks ago where a child had caused significant damage to a holiday home, and the OP was really upset. The child wasn't at all - because he had said sorry.

I posted that sorry wasn't a get out of jail free card, and there are still consequences to actions, some of which you might not like. And if you don't nip this in the bud with children, you end up with adults like this, who think nothing of breaking your things because 'it was an accident'.

There's been many threads since about husband's and boyfriend's 'accidentally' causing damage, or losing item not belonging to them. I wonder if those women saying how mean it was to be upset with the child in the holiday home thread can see any correlation?

Anyway sorry for the derail! YANBU and tbh I wouldn't judge you if you never bothered seeing him again. Disrespectful arse.

Exactly this @HardLanding. And I bet when you break things you aren’t rude about them or telling them they shouldn’t have a nice lampshade (or whatever)?

This 👆🏼

This guy just has no respect for you or your property. As has been demonstrated by those here with dyspraxia, even a medical condition like that, doesn’t stop you from feeling remorseful and apologetic if you accidentally break somebody else’s stuff. Neither of which he has shown.

Instead he is minimising what he’s done, throwing a strop and taking zero accountability for his behaviour and actions.

And what’s this throwing a flowerpot? You don’t ‘throw’ a flowerpot accidentally. That is a purposeful action.

Honestly, I’d get to the ick quick and ditch him. He sounds a knob.

Why hasn’t he offer to pay for anything else?
Tight git.
That would really annoy me.

Missing the point but I need to see the £200 light shade?!

He can't help being clumsy, he can try and take more care, but ultimately it's outside of his control.

What he does have control over is how he deals with the results of his clumsiness. Looking embarrassed and telling you, you can replace ideas with a cheaper version is just showing a complete lack of respect towards you and a your home. Tbh I'd seriously be thinking if the relationship has a future. If this is how he reacts to things that are important to you, can you imagine how he considers your feelings or the relationship as a whole

Oh dear.
Get rid of this imbecile. Throwing a plant pot isn't accidental, he sounds like a toddler having a tantrum.
He will get worse over time, if I were in your position I would end things before it costs you even more money.

He doesn't respect your things and he jumps on furniture, sounds like an immature livewire.
At least I'd ban him from coming round, I wouldn't blame you if you dumped him over this, it's happened far too many times.

Over a lifetime that list would be acceptable, 12 months no way.
Dump him.