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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist he either pays for damages or doesn’t come around?

94 replies

Dorkuses · 19/09/2022 12:52

Been seeing someone for around a year. He’s ridiculously clumsy and breaks so many things it’s starting to really piss me off.
examples -
flung his jacket on in the living room and smashed my light shade
threw himself onto my sofa and broke part of the wooden frame
kicked a mug off the coffee table that smashed
broke DS’s trainset being too heavy handed
jumped on the bed and snapped a slat

whenever he breaks anything he looks all embarrassed and apologises but he never offers to replace or pay!! The light shade for example cost me £200 and his excuse was “you could get a similar one for £20 in Argos” I don’t want a £20 one from Argos!!!

his clumsiness is starting to give me the ick

Last night he broke a flower pot chucking it on the floor. I said I wanted him to replace it and he said I was being petty as it was an accident. He went home in a mood and I messaged him saying from now on, anything he breaks in this house gets replaced or paid for. AIbU?

OP posts:
whumpthereitis · 19/09/2022 15:00

I suspect he’s resentful of your belongings and is demonstrating this by ‘accidentally’ breaking them.

holidaynightmare · 19/09/2022 15:02

@Dorkuses
Wtf are you doing with him????

moggiek · 19/09/2022 15:21

Nobody is that clumsy. He’s losing his rag and trashing your stuff. Dump.

TheClogLady · 19/09/2022 15:21

Even if he’s truly just clumsy I don’t think you’ll find that tolerable in the longer term.

The Ick is coming and you know it!

whumpthereitis · 19/09/2022 15:25

Nornally is someone makes a genuine mistake and damages someone else’s property they apologize, pay for the damage, and are mindful to not have a repeat.

MissConductUS · 19/09/2022 15:28

This level of damage has to be intentional. He wants to end the relationship but wants you to be the one to break it off.

Nachobutt · 19/09/2022 15:29

He's not clumsy. He's treating you and your possessions (and your DC's possessions) with a total lack of respect and you're letting him. I suspect he displays a lot more equally desirable behaviours that you are choosing to ignore.

GasPanic · 19/09/2022 15:36

What is his house like ?

Is it neat and tidy or full of stuff that is covered in stains and been put back together with superglue and sticky tape ?

And FWIW, no, you are not being unreasonable.

DenholmElliot1 · 19/09/2022 15:42

Does he break his stuff too or just yours.

ButtonandPickle19 · 19/09/2022 15:46

Sounds like my 9 year old… and even he pays back what he broke in chores! Major ick

Sunnyqueen · 19/09/2022 15:51

If he doesn't have some sort of medical condition then I would say he has no respect for you. I don't know how or why you've put up with so much of this tbh.

Unicorn717 · 19/09/2022 15:52

Get rid of him. Accidents happen but most people would offer to pay to replace. If not, apologise loads and make sure something else didn't happen. Sounds like he just doesn't give a shit. And I bet he isn't as 'clumsy' when it comes to his stuff.

Also, how and why would you throw a pot on the floor and expect it not to break?

ChaToilLeam · 19/09/2022 16:13

A genuinely clumsy and awkward person would offer to pay for the damage, be terribly sorry, and want to make things right. This idiot is just a heffalump with no respect for you or your property. Get rid!

ExpectMore · 19/09/2022 17:49

Dorkuses · 19/09/2022 12:52

Been seeing someone for around a year. He’s ridiculously clumsy and breaks so many things it’s starting to really piss me off.
examples -
flung his jacket on in the living room and smashed my light shade
threw himself onto my sofa and broke part of the wooden frame
kicked a mug off the coffee table that smashed
broke DS’s trainset being too heavy handed
jumped on the bed and snapped a slat

whenever he breaks anything he looks all embarrassed and apologises but he never offers to replace or pay!! The light shade for example cost me £200 and his excuse was “you could get a similar one for £20 in Argos” I don’t want a £20 one from Argos!!!

his clumsiness is starting to give me the ick

Last night he broke a flower pot chucking it on the floor. I said I wanted him to replace it and he said I was being petty as it was an accident. He went home in a mood and I messaged him saying from now on, anything he breaks in this house gets replaced or paid for. AIbU?

Seriously?

What do you think?

Rather then implement a charging system, if you're even considering such a thing, I think you're best both going you're separate ways! He's being unreasonable not replacing, you're being unreasonable thinking a charging system would work - both should have more respect for one another (and yourselves).

LuckyLil · 19/09/2022 17:57

I'm also inclined to wonder how much of it is genuine clumsiness. I'm fact I think you might be misinterpreting his general lack of respect for you and your possessions as clumsiness. Not sure about being able to get a replacement £200 light shade for £20 in Argos, I could probably buy a months shopping with £200...

Xenia · 19/09/2022 17:58

Send him a bill for every single thing - £200 light and all the rest. Eg I had to get a bed slat repaired by a workman - it si not that cheap even for that problem your boyfriend has caused or ask him to come round with tools to repair the bed for starters

TwoMonthsOff · 19/09/2022 18:01

I would be incredibly upset that a £200 light fitting was broken, that’s a lot of money for you to find to replace, and the fact he was attempting to be a cheapskate over it I would just DUMP, he is a liability OP

thing47 · 19/09/2022 18:05

I don't think the relationship is built to last @Dorkuses

Vapeyvapevape · 19/09/2022 18:11

I reckon he's doing it on purpose, what adult jumps on a bed hard enough to break it ?

Bananalanacake · 19/09/2022 18:13

Is he overweight or is your bed flimsy.

LindseyHoyleSpeaks · 19/09/2022 18:15

Get a grip! He’s doing this on purpose. Next thing you know, he’ll accidentally be lamping you, or worse, your DC, one. Go round to his, trash a few things just to get even and then bin him off. The red flags are waving so hard with this one, it’s a wonder they haven’t slapped you in the face yet.

diddl · 19/09/2022 18:28

I messaged him saying from now on, anything he breaks in this house gets replaced or paid for

YABU-you should have messaged him to fuck off for good with his sulking!

LiveLoveLifeForever · 19/09/2022 18:32

Just out of curiosity, what makes you stay with him, what are his qualities that keeps the relationship going?

NotJustAnybody · 19/09/2022 18:35

I hate it when people whine 'It's an accident, I didn't do it on purpose' as if that excuses any responsibility to sort it out at all or allow me being able to rant a bit!
Not many things are genuine accidents, there's always a bit of neglect, carelessness, not thinking it through or outright disrespect.

I bet his DM excused him from all sorts by saying 'never mind dear, it was an accident - here's a sweetie, now stop crying, I'll sort it out'.

Urgh, not for me. I'd ditch him pretty quick.

ChampagneCamping · 19/09/2022 18:56

The odd breakage is normal but this is crazy, he needs to take responsibility for breakages and how he moves his body

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