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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Monday morning CF

173 replies

Neurospicyy · 19/09/2022 09:28

I know lots are off today but there’s nothing like a bit of cheeky fuckery to start the week off so I thought I’d share.

I have a friend (A) who I socialise with very often, they bought a house close to me not long ago and I’d say we see each other more than any others in our group. We have been socialising alone for many months now as life has kept other friends too busy and this friend basically started treating me like shit. Trying to humiliate me, clearly had jo respect for meetc. I tried ending the friendship several times but always forgave.

Fast forward to earlier this week we were due to meet up with some other friends to celebrate friend A’s birthday. Friend A and I were waiting at the bar for other friends who weren’t due to arrive for an hour so they said they were running to the shop for some cigarettes. I was sat for 45 minutes before I accepted friend A wasn’t coming back. I haven’t spoken to them since and accepted the friendship is over. I am not going to be disrespected like that by anyone.

But woke up to a text this morning. Yesterday was their actual birthday, “drop my present round whenever”.
Aibu or are they a CF?

OP posts:
choosername1234 · 20/09/2022 20:14

Good message, well done!

INeverSawAPurpleCow · 20/09/2022 20:18

Was their gift something nice? Worth keeping for yourself? I hope so.

gillsareforfish · 20/09/2022 20:33

Their response “I was joking”

My response to that would be... I'm not.

oosha · 20/09/2022 20:35

It feels like that is a taking the piss out of you text to me. I would reply and simply state that a fuck off often offends but feels free to be offended on this occasion.

feckoffbrian · 20/09/2022 20:42

gillsareforfish · 20/09/2022 20:33

Their response “I was joking”

My response to that would be... I'm not.

This.

They weren't there for you when they left you in a bar, were they?

Your time is precious and friends value each other. You also value yourself. Block

Isahlo · 20/09/2022 20:55

AlisonDonut · 19/09/2022 09:30

'Oh I left it at the bar, I left straight after you did so I assumed you went back?'

This is THE reply !!

a1poshpaws · 20/09/2022 22:12

Ithinkiwanttobealone · 19/09/2022 10:10

"I won't be dropping anything over. You left me sitting in a bar alone for an hour with no attempt at an explanation or apologu. I no longer wish to be in touch."

Then block.

Exactly as @Ithinkiwanttobealone said. Simple, succinct, no chance of any misunderstanding. And has the added benefit of sounding very clearly like you despise her behaviour, which anyone in their right mind would do.

Sswhinesthebest · 20/09/2022 22:36

a1poshpaws · 20/09/2022 22:12

Exactly as @Ithinkiwanttobealone said. Simple, succinct, no chance of any misunderstanding. And has the added benefit of sounding very clearly like you despise her behaviour, which anyone in their right mind would do.

Show quote history

Don’t play games with silly messages. Just be honest.

xmaswiththeinlaws · 21/09/2022 07:47

Not sure I'd waste £7.45 on the Amazon "nothing " box. I remember seeing them in Poundland a few years ago.
It would be cheaper to send an empty Amazon package with a note in saying "Here is your present it is empty, like our friendship."

WaveyHair · 21/09/2022 08:53

Their response “I was joking”

Reply 'please get the help you so clearly need. Have a nice life'

Flossatops · 21/09/2022 09:16

You've already tried to end the friendship several times and so her behaviour is obviously not a surprise to you. You need to be brutal and just cut it dead once and for all. Delete her number if it helps. Life's far too short to give the time of day to people like her. Keep looking forward.

HowzAboutIt · 21/09/2022 09:31

Has he replied since your last text?

Roxy69 · 21/09/2022 10:51

Ithinkiwanttobealone · 19/09/2022 10:10

"I won't be dropping anything over. You left me sitting in a bar alone for an hour with no attempt at an explanation or apologu. I no longer wish to be in touch."

Then block.

This is good, clear and concise.
Find a better friend 💐

Mummyofmaniacs · 21/09/2022 12:44

I have to be the dissenting voice here. I know are understandably angry but you say you are known for falling out over petty things - how will this affect your relationship with the rest of the group. Will it create tension when you socialise together? If it does, how important are they to you, can you do without them all? Could you just be the adult and say 'that was incredibly rude, why did you sneak off without saying why? Did I offend you?
It's always easier to lose a friend than make one...
(although this one does sound a CF indeed)

Thinkingblonde · 22/09/2022 07:31

Iknowforsure1 · 19/09/2022 10:08

@Neurospicyy
I don’t understand, so friend A turned up later to celebrate or she never turned up again so you and other friend sat there alone?

OP and friend A were in a bar waiting for other friends to turn up, The others were going to be an hour late. Friend A said she was going to the shop for cigarettes. After sitting alone for 45 minutes OP realised friend A wasn’t coming back.

Lobelia123 · 22/09/2022 07:32

Mummyofmaniacs · 21/09/2022 12:44

I have to be the dissenting voice here. I know are understandably angry but you say you are known for falling out over petty things - how will this affect your relationship with the rest of the group. Will it create tension when you socialise together? If it does, how important are they to you, can you do without them all? Could you just be the adult and say 'that was incredibly rude, why did you sneak off without saying why? Did I offend you?
It's always easier to lose a friend than make one...
(although this one does sound a CF indeed)

I really disagree with this advice.

#1 - what the guy did was not petty. It was rude and nasty - just pushing off and leaving the OP sitting like a patsy all on her own in a bar, with no heads up that they werent returning. If that was a joke, I wouldnt find it very funny. Why should she excuse and enable his shitty behaviour?
#2 - "did I offend you' - for goodness sake! why must she go asscreeping and beg him to explain why he treated her so shabbily? And moreover, set it up that she was somehow to blame?
#3 - he sounds like the kind of friend that is not actually worth keeping. There are other kinder and easier friends to be had out there.
#4 - re the firendship group....if they tolerate or accept behaviour like this, Id be surprised, and think maybe they werent great friends either.

You sound like an apologist for bad behaviour. The OP does not have to be a doormat and I think shes responded really well.

YouSirNeighMmmm · 22/09/2022 08:17

I'd have been sorely tempted - and this is petty - to have replied to the original present text by saying "it's in the post".

In the post would mean "empty fag packet found on the street and posted to her with insufficient stamps so she has to collect it from the sorting office and pay for the privilege"

Tempted, not actually done it.

Ariela · 22/09/2022 08:27

"I am sorry, I thought I'd upset or offended you as you didn't come back, didn't want to waste it so it got eaten."

Thelnebriati · 22/09/2022 09:16

CF or narc? I wonder if she was pissed off that you were the only person who turned up on time to her birthday meet up, and left in a strop?
Watch out for her bad mouthing yo to the rest of the group behind your back.

Caroffee · 22/09/2022 17:05

Neurospicyy · 20/09/2022 20:07

My reply to “drop my present in whenever” was eventually

“You have got to be joking. If I didn’t say happy birthday, what makes you think that I was going to bring your present round? That’s the most entitled thing I have ever heard. You have no respect for me and I quite clearly don’t have any interest in being your friend anymore.”

Their response “I was joking”

So I got a bit annoyed and reiterated I don’t think they respect me and the friendship was over. Cue them trying to make me feel bad saying “I’m the only one who’s been there for you for months etc” Untrue btw. But I have seen this person for who they are, I had done long ago but I’m finally done with it.

Good. Well done. Only way CFs will ever learn.

Bettyswoo · 22/09/2022 20:26

AlisonDonut · 19/09/2022 09:30

'Oh I left it at the bar, I left straight after you did so I assumed you went back?'

Yes. This one

soraya · 01/10/2022 19:34

Some people try to put others down just because they are insecure or jealous. In their funny brains it makes them feel important. They usually pick on nice people who won't retaliate. I've been in that position before. I take the moral high ground and just go silent on them when they've pushed it one time too many. When they want a favour though you will be the first one they ask - and favours are a one way street.

Inkyblue123 · 01/10/2022 20:52

Block her number. Just ghost her. Cut her out of your life. Nobody needs that nonsense. If she’s out with your group in the future just keep your distance from her, minimise contact and conversation. She’s poison.

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