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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does everything really need to be so loud?

107 replies

orbitalcrisis · 19/09/2022 08:23

I didn't put this in Autism as I wanted replies from a wider range of people and thought this would be a better place to get that, is it really necessary for everything to be so loud?

I have autism and I find SO many places far too loud! Also bright and busy but that's another thread. It can be very overwhelming and tiring and at times actually physically painful. I wouldn't want to ruin other people's enjoyment but, would it really ruin you day if the volume was turned down a little? Theme parks and cinemas are the worst, but even back ground music in supermarkets and shopping malls, do they even need music? Are they a necessary part of your enjoyment and if they are, would you object to them being a little quieter so we can all be comfortable?

I don't expect the whole world to change for my preferences and comfort, I just wondered whether it REALLY is that important and why. Would you struggle to hear it if it was quieter? Would shopping malls and supermarkets be depressing without any music at all?

YABU: It's an important part of the ambience and has to be that loud
YANBU: Turning it down is fine with me!

OP posts:
Rapidtango · 19/09/2022 08:26

YANBU - if they turned off background music in shops, pubs etc, no-one would notice. It just adds to the increasing cacophony of everyday life, and is completely unnecessary.

Milknosugarta · 19/09/2022 08:28

I agree 100%. I am half deaf, and so much sounds too loud! I particularly dislike music in shopping centres.

pandy2 · 19/09/2022 08:28

Agree - quieter would be better (and am not neurodiverse.) Many cafes etc far too loud imo.

YennefersDress · 19/09/2022 08:29

I don't have autism and I agree, I find the volume of music especially in pubs, shops and restaurants at times overwhelming. I wouldn't want to sit in a silent pub with no music especially if it was quiet and there wasn't the chatter of other people but I really don't think music needs to be so loud.

ISaySteadyOn · 19/09/2022 08:30

I can't filter noises out so I am completely with you.

grafittiartist · 19/09/2022 08:30

Agree. I find constant noise stressful.

Overthebow · 19/09/2022 08:30

Depends where it is. Pubs and restaurants I’d be fine with and agree they really don’t need to be so loud. It would make no difference to the experience to turn it down.

Cinemas, no the volume does need to be loud for the experience and it wouldn’t be the same quieter. There’s often accessible viewings which are quieter you could go to instead.

Blinkingheckythump · 19/09/2022 08:30

The worse is soft play. No one is there to listen to the music and it's loud enough with the noise of the kids as it is

WildFlowerBees · 19/09/2022 08:31

I don't have autism and I agree, I want to start a quiet campaign. There really is no need for the amount of noise we are assaulted with on a daily basis.

SnarkyBag · 19/09/2022 08:31

I agree everything seems noisier these days. I was reading some research on how bad for our general health noise can be. I avoid a lot of things now certain restaurants, cinemas etc.

Overthebow · 19/09/2022 08:31

Blinkingheckythump · 19/09/2022 08:30

The worse is soft play. No one is there to listen to the music and it's loud enough with the noise of the kids as it is

I’ve never heard music at soft play! I agree there’s no need for it.

blackberrybat · 19/09/2022 08:32

I'm NT and I hate loud music out and about, particularly in shops. It makes it hard to think and I've walked out of clothes shops before now when if it was quieter I'd likely have stayed, browsed and bought something. I don't mind quiet music in the background but a lot of places seem to play it at nightclub volume.

Stupidbonfire · 19/09/2022 08:32

Yep, everything is so loud. I’m not neurodiverse but I do have a hearing issue and lots of competing sounds can feel overwhelming. When mask wearing was compulsory I didn’t have a clue what anyone was saying. It made me realise A) how bad my hearing was and that I had been relying on lip reading without really noticing, and b) how loud and noisy everywhere is in a town or city

I would welcome things to be a little calmer and quieter unless necessary. Obviously we expect the fair or trampoline park or soft play etc to be loud and hectic

ShirleyJackson · 19/09/2022 08:34

I agree. Even telly programmes, films, adverts, etc.

Just turn the bloody thing down! It feels like the world is screaming at me sometimes.

Singleandproud · 19/09/2022 08:35

DD doesn't have an autism diagnosis although does show some tendencies especially with sensory things and she is very sensitive to noise, or at least to competing noises. Now she's older she decides not to come in shops with me anymore and would rather sit in the car or wait outside and I'm sad that this impacts her life.

44PumpLane · 19/09/2022 08:35

I absolutely hate going to a pub where it hits 8pm (or some other such arbitrary time) and the staff cranks the music up.

You go from being able to enjoy your drink with some pleasant conversation to having to shout right next to someone's ear to be heard, awful! One of the reasons I don't other going out in the evenings if I can help it. I'd much rather a couple of afternoon cocktails where I can hear others and enjoy the company of those I'm with.

TruJay · 19/09/2022 08:37

Oh gosh, I totally agree. Both of my children are autistic and as we’ve been on this journey, I am pretty certain I am too. Everywhere is so so loud! Shops that get me the most are JD and Footasylum, it’s like an actual nightclub, I don’t know how the staff manage a whole shift in there.

When I’m in a restaurant, I need to put so much effort into listening to my husband and participating fully in our conversation as I can hear everything! Conversations from several tables away, people scraping their knives and forks, noise from the kitchen etc etc it takes a whole lot of effort to try and filter all that out.

Places could definitely reduce volume, yanbu.

SunnieShine · 19/09/2022 08:37

I agree. I hate how loud the music is in some restaurants, totally spoils it.

EbbyEbs · 19/09/2022 08:38

I agree. I live for darkness and silence. The world is so bright, busy and noisy. I am autistic though so maybe not your target audience

TigerRag · 19/09/2022 08:38

WildFlowerBees · 19/09/2022 08:31

I don't have autism and I agree, I want to start a quiet campaign. There really is no need for the amount of noise we are assaulted with on a daily basis.

I'm with you! I need a little bit of noise as I have tinnitus. But at the same time, I don't want to feel as though I've walked into a nightclub when I've walked into a shop! I have walked out of shops and restaurants because they've been too loud.

BakedTattie · 19/09/2022 08:39

I made the mistake once of going into the shop Hollister. It was like a bloody nightclub. Dark and music blasting. I actually walked into shelf, I was so orientated 😂

you’re right, everything is so loud.

BakedTattie · 19/09/2022 08:39

*Disoriented

Original poster
orbitalcrisis · 19/09/2022 08:42

Phew! General consensus so far is it is all too loud! I was never sure if I started to ask for things to be turned down if I would sudden get everyone shouting that we shouldn't be pandering to the minority.

@Overthebow I've never been to a neuro-diverse screening as all the ones I've seen tend to have children in mind. The main focus is being more relaxed with children getting up and running around and making noise and they don't actually turn the volume down, they turn the lights up a little but isn't what autistic adults are after. It sounds like there's more sensory input rather than less!

OP posts:
MichaelAndEagle · 19/09/2022 08:42

I don't have autism and I agree. We were wandering around a nice food festival one summer, perfectly nice. There was a musician performing which was lovely. Not too loud at all. But in between their sets they played music, which was just unnecessary. To the level where I was shouting to be heard which is just exhausting.
I don't know the reason. Do people drink more alcohol or something?

TwitTw00 · 19/09/2022 08:43

Rapidtango · 19/09/2022 08:26

YANBU - if they turned off background music in shops, pubs etc, no-one would notice. It just adds to the increasing cacophony of everyday life, and is completely unnecessary.

Really? I definitely notice and miss when they're isn't music in a shop. M&S turned theirs off a few years ago and I still find it odd when I go in.