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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does everything really need to be so loud?

107 replies

orbitalcrisis · 19/09/2022 08:23

I didn't put this in Autism as I wanted replies from a wider range of people and thought this would be a better place to get that, is it really necessary for everything to be so loud?

I have autism and I find SO many places far too loud! Also bright and busy but that's another thread. It can be very overwhelming and tiring and at times actually physically painful. I wouldn't want to ruin other people's enjoyment but, would it really ruin you day if the volume was turned down a little? Theme parks and cinemas are the worst, but even back ground music in supermarkets and shopping malls, do they even need music? Are they a necessary part of your enjoyment and if they are, would you object to them being a little quieter so we can all be comfortable?

I don't expect the whole world to change for my preferences and comfort, I just wondered whether it REALLY is that important and why. Would you struggle to hear it if it was quieter? Would shopping malls and supermarkets be depressing without any music at all?

YABU: It's an important part of the ambience and has to be that loud
YANBU: Turning it down is fine with me!

OP posts:
Original poster
orbitalcrisis · 19/09/2022 09:50

@Babdoc What is really surprising me is that I thought they were did it because people like it!

OP posts:
Original poster
orbitalcrisis · 19/09/2022 09:52

@Babdoc minus the 'were'! Must proof read before sending! Especially when I make changes!

OP posts:
Dinomummy2 · 19/09/2022 09:53

Blinkingheckythump · 19/09/2022 08:30

The worse is soft play. No one is there to listen to the music and it's loud enough with the noise of the kids as it is

Agreed, soft play is awful with loud music.

Bingbangbongbash · 19/09/2022 09:55

I’m with you. Kids’ toys, especially. Why do so many of them have a loud / louder switch?? When would anyone want the tinny electronic twee voice to be even more intrusive??

ArabellaScott · 19/09/2022 09:59

Yes. I went to the local supermarket recently and it was wonderfully quiet, lights low, no blaring awful shitty pop music. Then the clock hit 10 am and everything revved up to usual levels of bright lights, volume etc.

It was 'quiet hour' for neurodivergent people, apparently.

I think they stopped it perhaps because the whole town was trying to go for that one hour, and now I'm thinking about it - why not the other way round? Why not a nice, peaceful shop but with one 'party hour' for those who really enjoy floodlights and Radio Awful on at 200 decibels? They could give out air horns and glowsticks at the door. Everyone's happy!

Sausagenbacon · 19/09/2022 09:59

I generally have to ask music to be turned down in pubs and restaurants. Which they'll do. But the sneaky ones slowly ramp up the volume again.
There is an app that shows venues that aren't noisy. Perhaps someone knows of it?

CallMeLinda · 19/09/2022 10:01

YANBU!
Everyone wants the bloody radio on all the time too in my office. Can't be we just have a little quiet on occasion?

WatchoRulo · 19/09/2022 10:06

Have you noticed everyone (actually not everyone but a lot of people) seem to need to shout their conversations as well - I blame TV shows where everything is shouted for no reason.

and don't get me started on the cunts with loud car exhausts which backfire on purpose.

bakehimawaytoys · 19/09/2022 10:17

I completely agree. Music is something I want to listen to by choice, not have pushed on me at every opportunity when I'm out and about.

I also find the lack of soft furnishings in lots of places makes the acoustics terrible. The sound just bounces around the walls.

I bought some AirPods recently and they have been a game changer when I'm walking around on my own. The noise cancelling is strong enough to block most ambient noise but you can turn it off with a single touch if you need to talk to someone.

LondonQueen · 19/09/2022 10:18

I think most supermarkets are so loud you can't hear the music anyways! If they kept it to just announcements it would be much better and hopefully lower the overall volume.

Pubs etc I disagree with, I think depending on the location, some need the loud music to build the atmosphere, likewise with cinemas. There are quiet pubs that just have low level noise from people having conversations and there are accessible viewings at cinemas where the volume is reduced.

On a side note, have you tried ear defenders? I'm a teacher and they are a game changer for ND children.

zurala · 19/09/2022 10:26

I'm autistic, so I agree!
I now ask for it to be turned down, and if they won't, then I tell them I'm autistic and adding as a reasonable adjustment under the Disability Discrimination Act, which so far has always had the desired was l effect. But I wish I didn't have to do that, and instead the environment was just pleasant already.

zurala · 19/09/2022 10:27

Asking, not adding

Belladonnamama · 19/09/2022 10:27

I agree, I don't have autism but I find everywhere too loud and busy.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 19/09/2022 12:29

orbitalcrisis · 19/09/2022 08:23

I didn't put this in Autism as I wanted replies from a wider range of people and thought this would be a better place to get that, is it really necessary for everything to be so loud?

I have autism and I find SO many places far too loud! Also bright and busy but that's another thread. It can be very overwhelming and tiring and at times actually physically painful. I wouldn't want to ruin other people's enjoyment but, would it really ruin you day if the volume was turned down a little? Theme parks and cinemas are the worst, but even back ground music in supermarkets and shopping malls, do they even need music? Are they a necessary part of your enjoyment and if they are, would you object to them being a little quieter so we can all be comfortable?

I don't expect the whole world to change for my preferences and comfort, I just wondered whether it REALLY is that important and why. Would you struggle to hear it if it was quieter? Would shopping malls and supermarkets be depressing without any music at all?

YABU: It's an important part of the ambience and has to be that loud
YANBU: Turning it down is fine with me!

The older i get, the more I realise that I'm becoming more and more intolerant to loud noises.

I constantly ask my husband to turn the telly down and lower his voice.

I'm about to get new next door neighbours and I want to (semi jokingly) let them know that I won't care if they've got a meth lab in there...as long as they keep the noise down.

Babdoc · 19/09/2022 12:29

ArabellaScott, that’s brilliant! Please, let’s have a campaign for it! Special “noisy hour” for the minority who wish to damage their hearing and assault their senses, and peace and quiet for the majority.
Actually, there WAS a campaign, about ten years ago, called Pipe Down, and shops displayed door stickers to show they complied and were quiet. I don’t know what happened to it?

surreygirl1987 · 19/09/2022 12:49

As far as I know I'm not autistic, and I fully agree with you. It drives me mad. I actually walk out of shops sometimes if the music is blasting. I hate it. And I hate it so loud that I can't have a conversation in a bar or restaurant too. It is exhausting.

youarntaguest · 19/09/2022 12:51

You could wear ear plugs. I agree with you everything is too loud and bright !

nomoreflyingfucks · 19/09/2022 13:22

I agree, never understood when going out for a meal there is music on, I've come out to talk, I don't want to have to shout above the music to be heard.
I refuse to go to the cinema or theatre now as it's far to noisy and end up with 'buzzing' ears. So the beginnings of hearing damage.
Can't stand loud cars or motorbikes either...totally unnecessary.

Cakeorchocolate · 19/09/2022 13:27

I have chronic migraine (headache all day everyday) so I feel the same.

I don't go out much anymore because it's all too much for me. I can't do a full grocery shop, I can only pop in shops to get a few bits and spend the rest of the day lying down after I've had to. And I frequently use earplugs too.

Neggymumum · 19/09/2022 13:41

I agree 💯 too loud everywhere you go, I have some earplug type things called flare or flair? They allow you to have a conversation but kind of damp down the annoying noises

VioletInsolence · 19/09/2022 14:07

I’m autistic and feel the same…i think it causes background stress that we often don’t notice until it stops. It’s the same with heat….my anxiety has been terrible because I can’t cope with any other sensory input in addition to the heat. I live on a main road and there are very noisy motorbikes going past regularly….I think they’d annoy anyone.

I do think that although we’re more sensitive, there’s a spectrum (for lots of things) that includes every human and many people are just as sensitive as autistic if not more so because not all autistics are sensitive to noise - some are sensory-seeking. We’re meant to live in a natural environment….the only noises would have been people talking and birdsong.

VioletInsolence · 19/09/2022 14:08

I can’t wear ear plugs because I find my internal noises disturbing and louder than the outside world!

Delabruche · 19/09/2022 14:17

Strongly agree! I went to an open day at a local gym and would have signed up but the music was just too much.

UseOfWeapons · 19/09/2022 14:19

Totally agree!
It’s not just you…my parents wear hearing aids, and struggle with background music, they just can’t hear anything else. Their choice of places to eat is governed by the noise level. I’d really like to take them to Zizzi’s, but the noise level would be insupportable.

midlifecrash · 19/09/2022 14:43

NT and hate all the noise pollution everywhere

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