To ask how single parents work?

[TiredSloth]

I stopped working when my dd was born with complex health problems. They are lifelong but she’s doing well and is thriving in school. I also have a ds who is in school. I would like to get back into work but I don’t know how. My dc school has breakfast club but no after school club and it is a small rural school with no nearby childcare provisions. My dc are with their dad eow. Aibu to ask how I can get a job when my only available hours are 9-3, Mon-Fri?

You can do this from home and you can do this whilst your children are at home asleep or at school.

When you say moving isn’t really an option, is that because of necessity or you’d rather not?

Do you need to be near your mum? Could you live nearer the town/city for work and then visit her at the weekends?

If you have the ambulance service you could look into any call centre type jobs - many insurance companies have positions working from home so it might just mean getting your ex to pull his weight while you visit an office to train at first.

Not sure where you are but here people are desperate for cleaners, the going rate is £15 per hour so if you did one 2 hour clean and 1 three hour clean per day you can earn £75 per day gross. You'll have some fuel to pay but the others things (bleach, cleaner, cloths) are cheap from supermarkets like Lidl and you can use the clients vacuum. It's not a long term career exactly but can get you back working in a flexible way. The job centre can help you set up your own business and they have a scheme to ensure you don't earn below a certain level for your initial period ( my brother recently did this) and they help with business plans. Your village Facebook page is a good starting point to advertise

For me, using the time available for studying and training for a more fulfilling and better paid career was ideal as it means I'll hopefully have more opportunities in the future.

And of course it's not the same for couples: they can share the emotional and mental load as well as practical things (unless they're in relationships where one partner leaves the other to do most of it). I wouldn't have the job I have now if my ex wasn't doing a lot (and I still get exhausted).

I'd say definitely look towards the long term and get into a study pathway that will lead you into a career that can develop further when the kids are older and childcare becomes less difficult.

There are certain courses which in the long term could lead to a career in teaching or social work. Maybe in the shorter term allowing you to be a TA or early childhood educator. You could start with a certificate type course that would count towards a degree in the end.

Or look at health related pathways,as that was what you were doing before. These websites might be useful for planning.

nationalcareers.service.gov.uk

www.prospects.ac.uk/job-profiles

I have an after school club now (previously a full time nanny). If they don’t have that, there will be childminders

It's hard. I've managed to work 3 days a week as a lone parent. But I had a good nursery and mum as back up in the pre-school days. Their primary school had breakfast and after school club. It's been awful most of the time tbh, and no better now I have a teen with MH issues.

I think you need a job in a school. At least it'll buy you the school holidays off to recover.

There is something to consider about 'childminding' and that is the vast amount of regulation, reporting and red tape involved. And you have additional caring responsibilities for your DD and DM and at the end of the day these are the priorities that govern your life. And so it would be hard to fulfill the commitments to prioritizing the 'minded' children too - probably impossible.

Therefore you need to be the Master of your own Employment, in control of your own time so that you can fulfill the responsiblities that you already have, which are bigger than most.

One good thing about living in a rural area is that someone always needs something doing - from feeding cats and chickens, to sorting paperwork, getting some shopping to painting a shed.

I work in a school plus in a pub when dc are at their dads EOW and extra shifts during holidays when they are with him

Call centre work from home might be an option with companies like Sitel or maybe train to do web design or graphic design and be self employed. It sounds like the location is the biggest obstacle

I got a job close to our rural primary school. Dropped ds at 8.40, was in work by 9, ds went to afterschool club and I collected by 6pm.

I did that 2012 - 2019, then covid hit.

Now I drop ds at senior school bus at 7.45, wfh 8 -5.15 then collect ds off school bus. Only 4 years to go 🤗

Could you not move to the edge of the town and still be 30 mins or so from your mum?

I think the honest answer to how most parents work is childcare so if you insist on living somewhere that doesn't have any, it's not going to be easy. You're left with picking up odd hours (something like cleaning) or studying for something you can do long term when your kids don't need childcare

There are lots of options:
Changing contact arrangements so you have more time to work
Paid childcare to allow you to work full time
Working flexibly around school hours eg working bank (you could do this for the NHS), being self employed eg cleaning, dog walking, working from home flexibly, and you could make up to full time hours once children are in bed
Working school hours eg in a school!

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz what? My nearest big town is 45 minutes and I wouldn’t even say I live remote. Train is a bit quicker

I was in this position years ago but thankfully my parents were wonderful and lived just up the road, my employer was also excellent about time off for appointments. The guilt didn't stop though.
Working from home seems the obvious choice, lots of companies offer remote working now.
Good luck

I have a job with flexible working. I now mostly wfh so it’s much easier. I’m fortunate to have my mum who picks up once a week, kids dad does once a week and I only work 4 days. I do use breakfast club and my kids tend to do one after school club a week. It’s always a bit of a juggle but I haven’t dropped the balls yet!

You either find a very flexible/work from home job or you use child care. I'm lucky that I have 50/50 with my ex, we have an agreement with 4 days on 4 days off so I work the 4 days when my ds is with his dad. I work 42hrs over those 4 days so I'm still full time.

I'm a single parent. I have no family to help and its literally just me. I work 8am-4.30pm full time. My daughter goes to pre school now, 5 days a week from 7.30pm to 5.00pm. I got a job locally as I used to work in the City of London on a much larger salary but it was not viable after becoming a single parent. I took a 15k pay cut and I've made it work ever since. My daughter starts compulsory education next year and I've applied to work flexibly which has been approved so I will be 2 x day wfh and the other 3 days she will be with a local childminder.
You just make it work. Single parents aren't martyrs for working. It takes sacrifice, planning and and just a get on with it attitude.
You could easily work.

Paid for childcare. Also a single parent. It kills me, but it's better (for me) than not working.

I managed it easily as a single parent when I used to work within the Civil service. They’re very family friendly. I hear the passport office aren’t doing much at the moment and are all working from home. Work there.

I think in your situation I'd probably want to be nearer moves accessible services. So I'd move to a town near a city.

For context, i live in a town on the outskirts of Birmingham, my childminder works 6am-6pm so I can actually work full time hours (I do 8-4). She does school pickup/drop off too.

After 5 years out of the workplace I trained and qualified as a solicitor while being a single parent to 2 children, who were 2 and 4 when I started my training. I used a combination of childminder, taking all my holiday in school holidays, the kids going to their dad's for part of the school holidays, and flexibility from my employer. This was 14 years ago and as others have said, employers are a lot more flexible now.

Congratulations to you.

Dd goes to school in a very small village. We live in a massively deprived area and most kids in dd's small school have at least 1 or both parents who for whatever reason do not work. There is not a single childminder in the village and none in either of the local towns who pick up from dd's school.

I can only work because my parents are retired and help out with the school run.

@TiredSloth there are a couple of options if you drive...look at local home help firms. When I was struggling with childcare I was able to work for one and only work school hours and weekends dd was with her dad.

Otherwise have a look a work from home jobs, there are lots on workingmums website for admin support or call centre jobs at home.

Alternatively as others have suggested, is becoming a childminder an option for you at all? It is a long process to get set up and approved but if you are struggling others probably are.

Alternatively look at school based jobs, in our school dinner lady often leads to TA training etc.

I dont think it is the same for couples as you can work around each other to an extent. Lots of people have one parent that does an early shift, so the other does the morning school run but then the early shift person is back in time for school pick up, or one does weekend, evenings, nights. Or two people doing condensed hours /working at home which sorts out more days a week. A single parent has to be there at both ends of the day every day andcall night.

You havent mentioned much about your child's needs but a lot of parents of children with conditions struggle to work because childcare is even scarcer / non existent for children with needs.

Your set up sounds perfect for home working part time as you dont lose commuting time.

My SEN mum friends generally work in schools or dont work.

Good luck. You must be very clear headed to do your old job.

It's really hard OP, especially if you don't have the sort of ex who will agree to pick your child up 1 or 2 days a week. You mention you receive some benefits already. Do you receive Universal Credit? If so, you may be able to get a rebate of up to 85% of your childcare costs (it's paid monthly in arrears, so you do have to have enough cash to pay for the childcare upfront).

If you can do typing/presentation design work, you may be able to get a WFH job which can be done during the hours the kids are at school or asleep at night. (I've seen one job working for a US firm that wanted UK support staff to work throughout the evenings UK time.)

Otherwise, as others have suggested, perhaps look into the costs and legal requirements of setting up your own childcare business?