Would this annoy you? An inheritance one.

[GoGoNads]

MIL was massively financially independent before she met FIL. She owned her house through inheritance and never needed to work, again because of this inheritance. When she met FIL 40 years ago, he moved in with her and so they never had a mortgage. They were married but always kept finances totally separate. She had a number of investments.

FIL worked full time in a mid-paid job but did a lot of leisure traveling (usually without MIL), always had a new car every two years, the best of everything, loads of gadgets etc. so benefitted from having a lot of disposable income thanks to MIL’s inheritance meaning they never had to pay for a mortgage, or for childcare. He used a lot of this disposal income to top-up his pension and take out investments of his own over the years and so has been able to retire early and very comfortably. He was quite a bit younger than MIL.

Sadly, MIL died a while ago after suffering from cancer for years. DH was their only child.

In her will, she left the house and about 20% of her money to FIL, and all of the rest to DH.

DH and I both work full time in very well paid jobs. We’ve always been good savers, had investments etc. We’ve been together for 18 years and share finances.

We recently bought a new house. We started looking for it long before MIL died but the market where we are is crazy and it took ages (and two attempted purchases that subsequently fell through) to secure our house. We have a mortgage on it (got a really great fixed five year interest rate before they started creeping up) but had a significant deposit saved. DH added some of his inheritance to this also to benefit from a lower LTV. DH never discussed this with FIL so FIL doesn’t know what we’ve done with the money, if anything.

FIL visited today. We were having tea and he was saying how much he likes the house and what we’ve done with it, then added “I’m so delighted we were able to contribute so much towards it”.

I asked what he meant, and he referenced the amount MIL had left DH.

I was about to point out that that was MIL’s money given to her much-loved son, and not a gift from him, but DH gave me the look.

If FIL brings it up again, would it be unreasonable of me to do a “whatever do you mean, FIL? Do you mean the money MIL inherited and then passed to DH?”

As with everything, there’s a backstory. FIL is a nice enough man but he’s one of those people who thinks that the world revolves around him and so I’m sure he’s been telling family and neighbours about “helping” us out. He’s quite overbearing and DH tends to just let him prattle away, unchallenged.

Lighten up a bit for god sake! What a attitude!

They were married for 40 years so he was more entitled to that money than you and your husband as ordinarily everything would have gone to him, it’s only because she decided (presumably together with her husband) to leave your husband some money in her will that he got anything.

I am trying to work out how on earth you have come to the conclusion that you and your husband are seemingly more entitled to someone’s money than their own spouse of 40 years, as you seem to talk about the inheritance as something you deserve more than her own husband.

No, it wouldn't annoy me. It might annoy me if said by a new -to-the-family stepdad. But actual dad and husband of 40 years? Stay out of it, if there are deeper issues here, let your husband deal with them.

You do come across as unpleasant and money focused. This is your DH's father. At, a bit apropos of nothing, he married someone with money but still worked.

Not everyone is/ or can be a high earner and not many inherit life changing amounts. You got both. Money, though, is not the sole measure of generosity ...or happiness.

You are not necessarily the winner

YABVU and really quite spiteful.

FFS, now I understand why when people die they leave all their money and worldly good to animal charities.

Inheritance and wills definitely bring out the 'entitled brigade'

Feel so sorry for FIL.
Nobody owes anyone anything when they die. Christ no wonder the Pharaohs got buried with all their stuff.

You’re not coming across well, tbh.
keep schtum and enjoy your husband’s family money 🙄
What would be the purpose of that comment, honestly?

You come across so petty and self righteous op. Just be grateful and get down off your high horse.

Inheritance really bring out ugly side of people.

as long as its capital in your familys pockets, then id just play along and let him think what he prefers,

You are very judgmental about the way he has lived his life.

@BrokenCopper I was just thinking that. So he liked his gadgets or whatnot and goes on a bit, oh how I wish for that rather than the violent uncaring parents I had. Some people don’t know they are born.

Having reflected on this, your post sounds even worse than the first time I read it

Particuarly your insistence that he never knew anything about your mother in laws money and that he didnt know that your husband used his inheritance to purchase your house.

He clearly did know these things, couples talk about all sorts of things. For example my OH and I talk about money but if he had to explain it to someone else he would probably get a load of details wrong and say he didnt know because he forgets stuff or gets it wrong. Doesnt mean we havent discussed it

I think your husband probably doesnt tell you about conversations he has with his dad

I particularly like your comment that your father in law thinks the world revolves around him and your husband lets him prattle on unchallenged. I suspect you are talking about yourself there.

What difference does it make?

Massively overstepping and absolutely none of your business

To be fair, your Fil hasn’t actually said anything that untoward. Don’t go looking for sources of contention or purposefully waiting to be offended

He’s your husbands father?
He did contribute to your husband’s inheritance.

MIL could have left everything to her husband (FIL) and your DH would have got nothing.
I wouldn't fall out with FIL now though or it could be a sure fire way to make sure he doesn't leave any of his estate to your DH in his will.

You sound most unpleasant and should just keep quiet and be grateful for what you do have - and be mindful that in order for you to get that, DH no longer has his mother!

My DS is now an only (adult) child and I occasionally remind him of the fact that no-one is guaranteed an inheritance - not even an only child.

These are your husbands parents right? Who were married for over forty years? Why wouldn’t they treat the money as family money and consider it a joint gift? Why wouldn’t she hand it down to her husband and father of her child. Presumably it will all come to your DH in the end anyway.

i get the feeling you expected more.

You sound pretty nasty tbh.

Lordy.
They were married 40 years. Shared a life.
You had no right to benefit from her death, but there you are, sharing in your husbands inheritance
Go figure.

wow so your husbands inheritance is family money but your MILs inheritance is not family
money?

your post is very odd calling out your FILs cars and trips? So what ???

/you sound jealous and petty. You also dislike your FIL. I thought he as your DHs step dad. You didnt earn the money, your MIL decided shed give a chunk to her son. Why are you over thinking this? Cant you be happy you get to enjoy it? Did you want the house an money and kick the poor man into the kerb?

Good God you sound ghastly. You actually seem to think that your DH’s inheritance is somehow yours but that your FIL was some sort of sponger for inheriting from his own wife.