Whole families going food shopping

[Shiningstarr]

Just came back from food shopping, there were a couple of young families in there, one in particular, the mum was pushing the trolley, her two young children walking near her and the dad was following with a pram and carrying another toddler.

Surely it would be easier for just mum to go and do the food shop, or just dad? Why bring all those children plus pram? I can't think of anything worse. Both mum and dad looked stressed.

And now she's disappeared

The comments about it being 'nice quality family time', each to their own! Can't imagine many worse places to choose to spend quality family time personally

My hubby was a long distance lorry driver nights out so i had to take the children with me also dont drive so i ad to take everywhere gps, shopping, dentist etc didnt have family near enough to help to watch the kids had 3 under 5 at one point had to take them with me cut the women some slack were not all fortunate enough to have family nearby also what about breastfeeding women they have to take the baby with them yes i could have waited tilll weekend for hubby but why should i the last thing he would want to do is shopping on his days off

Oh, don't worry... She'll no doubt return with yet another crying with laughter emoji soon enough, for want of an actual reply.

@Yerroblemom1923

Its ridiculous and unnecessary.

Can you explain why it's ridiculous? Or why we are suddenly not supposed to do 'unnecessary' things?

Even when dd was a newborn I enjoyed that 2hrs of the between feeds to get to the shops alone.

That's great, for you. But you must know we are not all the same? I would choose shopping g with the baby and take the 2 hours as a nap later, if was able.

Its when they have six primary school kids tagging along at well past bedtime I don't get it. Can't be fun for anyone!

It's not supposed to be fun, it's just shopping. Also, past bedtime? That varies, doesn't it? 2 of mine never slept before midnight, ever, they are the 2 I would take to the supermarket the least, but also the 2 who needed it the most

It’s not meant to be quality family time. It’s just normal everyday-life family time, part of the normal busyness of life- along with cleaning and cooking and everything else that grown-ups do.

Ffs.

I can't drive. My husband can. My husband can't choose food for the kids since they have difficult and ever-changing requirements and I can, since I'm the one who feeds them. My kids are too young to stay home alone. Online shopping has too many substitutes these days, or some of our essentials are missed out.

So. Do we starve, or shop together? Get over it.

Which tend to be done by one parent while the other entertains the kids when possible, surely. I couldn’t have imagined DH, the kids and I piling into to the kitchen to cook a meal or spending an hour or 2 cleaning together a room when the DC were young and running about, bored.

Some people do everything with their children and others farm them off to childminders, private schools boarding and do nothing much, then there are the mass of us in the middle.

Each to their own.

I find shopping with the whole family stressful especially as I also have a toddler and so only one of us shops while the other stays with the kids. When I see families shopping together it never seems like a fun day out for them so I can not imagine that these families are doing this without good reason.
Every family is unique! Everyone has different circumstances which influences their choices and we do not have a clue on any given day why someone would choose to do what they do. There must be a good reason why they are shopping together. Maybe dad is supporting mum to get back out into social situations after a traumatic season that has left her without confidence even to go into the shops. or it might be dad who has lost confidence. We have no idea what is going on. As long as they are not committing a crime it is none of my business why they are in the shop all together. Someone blocking off the aisle with their trolley is inconvenient and annoying but it is not unique to families shopping together. I have had single, childless adult people block off the aisle as well!

I am so so baffled. It seems entirely narcissistic to me that someone actually can be so self absorbed that they are bothered enough about a family doing something that has nothing to do with them or the safety and livelihood of them nor anyone else, to make it a post on here! Parenting is so hard. Why are we still trying to make it more difficult for others instead of supporting them. So many people on here are in agreement with the OP and I can only imagine the attitude dished out to these poor families as well when they are met in the shops.

Check why you are so triggered by this. That's where your problem sits. Your problem is not with these families. It's with that thing that sits hidden and hurting in your shadow parts.

Also yes it's all well and good to have a moan, but when you have a moan at the expense of other people that's just cruel. I am sure there are several families in here who shop together for perfectly acceptable reasons.

What a world we live in boy!!

That’s half the problem - people thinking the kids need “entertaining”. That’s wrong in my opinion. And anyway, shopping, cooking, cleaning can be entertaining to children, and even if they’re not, they can still take part, even tiny children. As someone said upthread, child rearing has become entirely all about the children -either they have to be entertained or educated and all their activities have to be entertaining or educational.

Exactly! For one - some people were saying it was nice quality family time.

For two - there are lots of chores that adults do, that on the whole children aren't involved in (for their sake and for the sake being able to get it done), cleaning, cooking, admin, working. Don't get me wrong it's lovely to now and again get them involved in this stuff briefly, so they can learn (ie. Preparing food) but as a weekly family activity? Really?

Even then why would you need two adults, one could be at home with the kids doing the cleaning (fun and great learning!? Lol) while the other shops.

Unless absolutely necessary I have no idea why you'd choose to do this. There are lots of other free things to do for family quality time. But some people obviously do seem to like shopping and supermarkets, so each to their own.

There’s a vast middle ground between entertaining and not forcing bored children round the aisles of Asda for 2 hours every Saturday when there’s a park just across the road that one parent could take them to. Child rearing hasn’t ‘become’ all about taking your kids to the shops - my mum would have been in her eighties? I’m in my fifties and my own DCs are in the twenties. It wasn’t a thing for entire families to pile into the shops back then either, if there was an alternative.

but as a weekly family activity? Really?
Yes, as a weekly activity. My sister’s DC were making their own packed lunches for school at five. Everyone in the kitchen all together making their lunches for the next day. Toddlers and small children can set the table every day. All children can help clear up. There is no reason at all for a parent to be cleaning while their children are ”running around bored”. That’s poor parenting, IMO. The children should be taking part. Give them small but manageable jobs to do, and then when finished, everyone gets a break and can do something fun. Parents are not their DC’s slaves.

There’s a vast middle ground between entertaining and not forcing bored children round the aisles of Asda for 2 hours every Saturday when there’s a park just across the road that one parent could take them to.

Yes - but we’re the ones defending the middle ground against OP’s blanket stance that taking your family to the supermarket is always bonkers; surely the ‘middle ground’ is sometimes taking your kids shopping for life experience? PPs include myself have acknowledged that some people sonetimes have a variety of different reasons for doing this. Literally no one has said they like to ‘force bored children round Asda for two hours every Saturday.’ That’s you making a straw man.

There’s a vast middle ground between entertaining and not forcing bored children round the aisles of Asda for 2 hours every Saturday when there’s a park just across the road that one parent could take them to

And if there isn’t a park across the road? I’m in my 50s and we usually, not always, took the DC with us to the supermarket. Main reason was because it’s much quicker - split the list in half, job takes half the time - and because one parent couldn’t carry all the shopping. It needed two people to carry it home. When the DC got a bit older, they could help carry too.

I completely agree with you OP. The excuses on here for whole families shopping together and getting in everybody’s else way is hilarious!

spousal abuse, teaching little Jayden to fetch the smiley faces from the freezer, and family members being afraid to go shopping on their own are bloody classic😂

posters falling over themselves pretending they never get impatient with anyone, anytime ever. Yeah, right!

The excuses on here

But why would they need an excuse, it's perfectly allowable behaviour?

That was my example based on a very early post of mine of when I worked in a supermarket and the same families piled in every single weekend. There was a park across the road that the kids could have been taking to but no, apparently it was preferable to have bored, frustrated, fidgety children trailing behind both parents.

@TheKeatingFive So are loud fireworks, but lots of people find them a bloody menace.
People are allowed to criticise and judge things that are legal!

posters falling over themselves pretending they never get impatient with anyone, anytime ever. Yeah, right!

Nobody is 'falling over themselves' because they have given a different opinion.

I am really patient in public spaces, as I mentioned earlier if DH is with me then we are the ones walking slowly. Again as earlier, if I need to walk round someone I do it without being aggravated. I don't know why it's unbelievable that people are not all impatient, I have bucketloads of patience and because I have a disabled husband I am extra aware and tolerant of others.

@Twos0ups I'm guessing that was aimed at me. I'm not falling over myself to pretend I don't get annoyed at anyone - I quite clearly stated that I get annoyed at lots of things. But people going about their business in a way that means I might have to alter my path, say excuse me, or wait an extra few minutes in a queue are not things I'm going to waste time getting annoyed by.

So are loud fireworks, but lots of people find them a bloody menace

The impact of fireworks are obvious. The impact of a few extra people in a shop who are related to each other - not so much.

As no stores have any rules about this, I suggest those who think it's a 'bloody menace' take it up with them. Not family's who are doing nothing wrong.

@WildfellAnne
Would you also take them to work each day and insist they help with all the cleaning and all the gardening plus all the other chores? Helping prepare food / setting the table isn't the same as 2hrs every weekend at the supermarket. Is unnecessary for every member of the family to undertake all the chores together all the time

Obviously, they don’t go to work with me -or didn’t. But I would expect them to help with all chores where it was safe and reasonable for them to do so, at least for a while. As I said, two hours at the supermarket becomes only one when both parents help. It’s quicker and easier. But we wouldn’t spend anything like even one hour doing the shop.