To wish I hadn’t got a dog

[Ihatemydogbmnamechange]

Before people say what a horrible arsehole I am, I didn’t want a dog but gave in to years and years of pressure from everyone else in my family and now I am stuck with a dog who is ruining my life. still a puppy but is showing some possessiveness around food and I wish with all my heart I had never got him. My daughters are so happy my wife is happy but the dog can be awful to them too.

i hate everything about having a dog.

when is it ever going to get better z

ive sat and cried tonight becssue i wish I could go back in time

But then they'll get judged by people for seeing the dog as disposable and giving up on it. Can't win!

I think the more you resent it, the more difficult it will be.

You have to just accept that it’s part of the family now and make the most of it.

FWIW I’ve had dogs all my life but they’ve always been adult rescues. I then got a puppy and I struggled so much!
It was like having a baby all over again!

Puppies/young dogs are cute but they can be hard work.

Carry on putting the effort in now and in a few months time you’ll have a completely different dog.

Perfectly normal to feel this way - dogs are such hard work. I'd take a newborn over a puppy any day but rehoming would be the very Iast thing, on a very long list of things I would try to make this situation liveable.

You can fix this but you need the help of everyone in the household. Have a sit down with your partner and children, explain how you are feeling, and outline what you expect of them while training the dog. Take no excuses. This is a family pet and the responsibility falls on everyone's shoulders.

I understand you felt pressured into this decision and it must be awful for you at the moment but he/she is here now and this is fixable. It will be a hard slog over the next few months but will absolutely be worth it in the end. If you still feel the same after the dog is trained then perhaps your partner and children can do most of the care since it is them who wanted a pet but i suspect you will come around once the dog is better behaved.

Living with a puppy is a nightmare but if you're not actively trying to fix this then you're setting yourself up for 15 years of frustration and resentment.

Good luck

I don't have any advice OP but just wanted to say YANBU, I'd hate to have to share my home with a dog. Your DW should not have pressured you into agreeing to a pet she knew you didn't really want. In your position I'd be upset too and more than a little resentful.

There was a thread not long ago from a woman who was "desperate" for a dog but her DH had said no as he really didn't like them, so she was considering getting one anyway against his wishes. Lots of responses from devoted dog owners telling her to go ahead and get the dog, that her DH was a selfish twat, that once the dog is there he'll learn to love it and if he doesn't he can leave, why should his feelings trump hers? etc etc. I was really surprised by the number of posters who couldn't see, or didn't care, how awful it would be to have to live with an animal you didn't like and never wanted, to have to care for it and be jointly responsible for it.

Given the responses on here describing what a nightmare a puppy can be, and how even those who very much wanted a dog often bitterly regret it in the early stages I don't know how anyone could justify pressuring or guilting their DP into such a massive commitment.

Puppies and dogs are really hard work, by 8 am, we must have told our 4 year old border collie he’s hard work 3 times already today. It takes time to bond with a puppy and yes, we said at around 4/6 months have we done the right thing. It also kicks in around that time that this is your life now, yes it gets better, but the commitment is there very single day and an understanding that your life will never be the same.

Our dog has been hard work. Really hard work. He's got allergies, steals food, used to chew everything he could. There were times when he was little I wondered what the fuck we had done. Teenage puppies are the worst.

He's 3 now and, while dog ownership remains hard and a big commitment, I wouldn't be without him. We have worked with a trainer to help us learn how to solve some of the problem behaviours, and worked with the vet to get his allergies under control.

Now he's a big lump of uncoordinated ridiculousness that I couldn't imagine being without.

If you put in the effort you might be surprised.

A couple of years ago our wonderful old boy died at the age of nearly 15. Several months later we felt ready to get another dog and got puppy of same breed and from same breeder. I’d forgotten how bloody awful puppies are and he was actually quite good in some ways, always sleeping through the night was a bonus. But puppies are such hard work, I’d have gladly rehomed him several times during that first year, but he’s now 18 months, well behaved and and lovely, am so glad we have him.

Sounds like you’re doing the right things, he’ll probably turn into a great dog but if you really don’t like him or really hate having a dog then you need to think about rehoming for both your sakes.

My ddog is 8 now.
We absolutely adore him, he is fantastic, had him from 9 weeks.
I have already told DH that I would happily get another dog , preferably a rescue ( live in spain so no shortage of rescue dogs, unfortunately) but under no circumstances will I ever put myself through raising a puppy again. Its fucking hard, for months, then they can get teenage regression like mine did.

To add what I've already said and advice given by others above, I always thought I would bond immediate with my dog. I didn't and that was largely because puppies are hard work (and my puppy was actually quite an easy one too. Quick to sleep through, toilet train and crate train). I was the one that didn't want the dog - love dogs but didn't want the responsibility and life change. I'd say that the dog probably has the closest bond with me now and pretty much does everything with me. If I can take her, I do. I look into her eyes and I swear she knows what I'm thinking.

Lucky we have bonded now because mine is going through teenage regression!

It is normal...

I always say I love our dog... he's 11, he grew on me.

But I hate HAVING a dog... all the extra cost, work and lack of spontaneity.

Both emotions can coexist.

Won't get another, but wouldn't wish this one gone.

To all those saying just rehome - you do realise that rescues are bursting at the seams right now and many dogs are being euthanized because of irresponsible owners.

Why do people on these threads always refuse to say what breed the cunting thing is??

You can have 20 posters asking what breed and the OP will say “it’s a large breed”

Why not just say??? A large breed could be a golden retriever or a bull mastiff!!

Makes me so angry, why does it need to be such a secret?!

OP - it’s a puppy. Food possessive behaviour should have been worked on from day 1. It’s one of the easiest things to prevent.

I hated the early months too, shedding hair, strong smell, not toilet trained, ripping up everything, needed lots of attention.

I nearly lost my mind, 12 months later and we're all very happy with our dog.

Find a positive reinforcement trainer to work 1:1 with the whole family and make it fun for all of you & the dog

Ok so it sounds as though you could have said no but gave in to the others in your house (understandable, so no criticism there). You need strategies to be able to live with it. Given how you feel, Can they pick up more of the care?

please talk with the rest of the family to come up with a strategy. It sounds as though you are already doing some of the right things and just need to keep going until the dog is a little older and more settled. If you can afford to get a dog behaviourist on board they may have strategies you can use to speed things up.

I like dogs but wouldn’t dream of getting one personally as they are a pain in the arse and a tie so I can relate.

Op it might be worth posting in the Doghouse rather than aibu? Aibu always seems to attract some troll like behaviour and some replies that are unhelpful, needlessly savage and pointless. On the other hand, if you can ignore those responses you've got some good advice on this thread and some of us who do understand and have been through the same things. Agree with pp that the puppy blues can be a real thing, plus dogs generally are constant hard work in the first year to 18 months / 2 years. The puppy stage is hard but we found the teenage stage harder tbh, depends on each dog. It's a huge change to the family getting a dog and I've heard plenty of people liken it to having a new baby. There are some really helpful groups on Facebook for training and support, breed specific ones too, you definitely won't get comments that are totally unhelpful and unpleasant on there either! Some really good advice on this thread as well though, shame there's not a filter! Best of luck op

You know so little about dogs it is laughable.

Not all dogs smell. Ignorant people insist they do but some breeds just don't. Lots of dogs don't bark very much if at all. I have 2 dogs and they only bark if someone is at the door or when someone decides they can walk into our back garden. That is what I want them to do.

One of my dogs has never ever chewed a thing. We got him at 9 weeks and he is now 10. The other dog did chew but we trained him not to (didn't take long).

Yes they poo and wee but they were both toilet trained within a week which is certainly a lot quicker than any child.

Children are far more bother than dogs. They take forever to toilet train, likely to have tons of accidents on the floor, destroy many things, draw on walls, have tantrums etc etc. As they grow they get worse and worse unlike dogs.

My dogs don't argue with me, they don't strop around the house, I don't have to worry about them getting pregnant, smoking, taking drugs.

Try telling that to our neighbours!! They're the ones who have the dogs!

You know so little about dogs it is laughable.
Thanks for that really unnecessary statement. I actually know alot about dogs as I grew up on a farm where my mum raised and trained working collies. The neighbour's dogs are not trained. My mum's dogs NEVER jumped up at people.

By what you are saying, I take it you don't have kids and your dogs are your replacement for them?

I feel very sorry for the dog. You've got -
a partner
kids
friend
family
work
social life
hobbies
freedom to come and go

Your dog has got you and your household members.
Please surrender the dog to a shelter/rescue place/a dog LOVER with experience/dog trainer.

Get professional help with the possessiveness ASAP. That's not something you want to develop into anything else. Especially with children.

I felt as you did with our first dog - he had possessiveness around food, took forever to get house trained and was a general nightmare as puppy. I regretted him a lot (like you I hadn't been keen, but given into pressure from the rest of the famil). Once he hit a year, with consistent trianing, he was much better and when he was run over I was gutted. We got another puppy as we missed him so much, and it has been great this time around.

Either try shift your attitude towards your dog (through training, bonding, enjoying the benefits of a dog etc) or rehome.

What breed is it?
What breed is it?
what breed is it?

Well, if you were in any way pressured then you can share the blame. Also, blaming yourself for not looking where you were going and crashing the car - fair. Blaming yourself for trying to make a compromise to make your family happy - not fair.

Obviously in an ideal world a dog is just like any other pet, "for life". But, I'm sorry, 15% of your life is worth more than this dog's life. If you are able to step back and have little to do with the animal apart from small things you are OK with then try to keep it. But do not feel guilty if you have to say "sorry, life is too short for a decade of misery. I made a mistake and should never have said yes".

For what it's worth I do not like dogs, though of course many have great owners, great training and can be wonderful pet for the right person. I genuinely don't think that I could live in a house with a dog and I would feel resentful if I had to fill a water bowl for it once a week let alone do more.

YANBU.