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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish I hadn’t got a dog

111 replies

Ihatemydogbmnamechange · 17/09/2022 23:41

Before people say what a horrible arsehole I am, I didn’t want a dog but gave in to years and years of pressure from everyone else in my family and now I am stuck with a dog who is ruining my life. still a puppy but is showing some possessiveness around food and I wish with all my heart I had never got him. My daughters are so happy my wife is happy but the dog can be awful to them too.

i hate everything about having a dog.

when is it ever going to get better z

ive sat and cried tonight becssue i wish I could go back in time

OP posts:
avamiah · 18/09/2022 00:45

Sorry advice I meant to say

ridemesideway · 18/09/2022 00:49

The good news is that puppies mature WAY faster than babies.
But you need to put in a gargantuan effort, albeit for a shorter time. Train the pup an you’ll get years of love and enjoyment.

If you’re not arsed, rehome.

Jasminejoy · 18/09/2022 00:49

Testina · 18/09/2022 00:00

Well you know, you could just bloody train the poor thing? 🙄

Those is SO unhelpful !!!

avamiah · 18/09/2022 00:50

Isaidnoalready · 18/09/2022 00:00

Part of me wishes I hadn't got cats we can't spontaneously go away they are pains in the arse I had to fish one out of the bin today and the other demolished my bookcase searching for treats but I wouldn't be without the little feckers if you can't feel the same way about your dog you should maybe rehome

This made me laugh out loud hahaha

I needed cheering up so thanks x

Ivyy · 18/09/2022 01:06

Op can you give more details? Having a dog especially the puppy + teenage stage is not easy like the media portrays! Some dogs / breeds are harder work than others, what dog do you have? We can try and give you some support if you give a bit more info of what's happening and the things you're struggling with?

Mamai90 · 18/09/2022 01:12

I felt similar when we first got our dog, Ioved him but didn't enjoy being a dog owner, it was much tougher than I'd anticipated but I couldn't bear to rehome him even though I was hating it. It was about 5 months before I started to enjoy him. Now he's 3 and a huge personality and definitely a part of the family.

My cousin felt the same way when she got her dog but is now besotted with her. It can take time to adjust and to grow to love them.

Hillary17 · 18/09/2022 02:04

Firstly - this is totally normal and nobody warns you about puppy regret. Honestly I about near had a breakdown when we got ours. I hated her for weeks; the change in schedule, following me around, constant need for attention. She literally chewed wall at one stage and I was at breaking point. But as they learn more and get into a routine it really does get so much easier. I forced myself to do at least one of the walks a day alone with our puppy so we could bond and it helped. Go to a puppy class for some basic skills and to meet other new dog parents - they will all have their own horror stories and it helps to feel less alone! I’d say it got easier for us around 4/5 months. Stick in there!

Sloelydoesit · 18/09/2022 02:25

Ok, so the first part of my advice may not help the OP but may help others...

When you get a dog you need to research the breed type and it's characteristics and body type and health issues. And then think about how your personality and lifestyle fits into that

To OP. If you have a puppy then your problems may be fixable. But only if the above still applies. And if you get help.

Working dogs will always need more effort. If you have a poodle cross working breed then you have a clever dog with a strong work drive. And the working side will also be clever too.

Long story short, understand your breed and meet their needs.

I settled on a mini schnauzer. Totally perfect - the stubborn side is a bit tough to deal with. But he's clever, sociable and only barks at foxes. Can cope with one walk a day and also doesn't care of he doesn't get a walk!

MrsEricBana · 18/09/2022 02:34

How old is your pup OP, and what breed?
I cried a lot when I got my boy as I wanted him so much yet everything about dog ownership seemed awful and much harder than I thought. I soon got the hang of it (months, not days or weeks) and I now can hardly bear to be parted from him. I hope things improve for you. My advice is to get the whole family on board with consistent training.

Allthestarsabovemyhead · 18/09/2022 02:52

I am struggling with my one year old dog. He has separation anxiety and can’t be left alone for long and is crazy! We’re on our second trainer and I hope he will get better in the future. So many times we’ve wanted to give up believe me. I couldn’t send him to a dogs home as they’ll find any excuse to put dogs down. I don’t have children but I am certain dogs are harder to look after.

HikingBoots · 18/09/2022 03:01

Sigh. Another muppet who got a dog to keep up with the Joneses and will end up dumping...sorry rehoming...it.

MissingNashville · 18/09/2022 03:09

But you did agree to having a dog, you shouldn’t have done this if you didn’t want want one. It’s done now and your wife and kids are happy. Suck it up is all you can do.

Learn to say no and stick to it in future. If your wife doesn’t respect you saying no and puts pressure on you to do things you don’t want, you have bigger issues than a dog.

Lizzy1980 · 18/09/2022 03:17

Wombat100 · 18/09/2022 00:13

It never fails to amaze me how many people on these threads simply see dogs and other pets as disposable. Really sad.

This. When you have a dog they become part of your life but you are their whole life and you need to be worthy of that devotion. Far too many people want a dog but aren’t prepared to put the work in.
Rehome the dog. Whatever you do don’t just give it away to anyone that’s willing to take it. Make sure it’s going to a home where it will be loved and kept for life. I have a friend that fosters dogs and it’s heartbreaking how many dogs are just passed around from one owner to the next. They’re not disposable and the poor things have no control over their own lives. I wish people would stop treating them like toys

BooseysMom · 18/09/2022 03:20

Exactly why I haven't caved in and joined the masses. I'm not having our home stinking, endless barking, chewing, pooing, weeing, jumping up at people ..and all that after paying over a grand for the privilege.. and that's before any trips to the vet.

The neighbours are dog sitters. The barking really grates at our nerves.. DH works from home so it's worse for him. Their home stinks and the dogs are untrained, boisterous yobs that jump up at people and they appear to think that’s perfectly normal.

Mehhhhhhh · 18/09/2022 05:26

You are not obligated to keep it, despite what people say. It could live for another 15 years.

PriOn1 · 18/09/2022 05:51

“is showing some possessiveness around food”

I used to sit on the floor with a handful of his (dried) food. My hand stayed closed until he stopped worrying at it and drew back a little. Then he would get a piece. Gradually I worked up until he could sit and see the food in my hand and still wait until I fed him it piece by piece.

I’d also sometimes feed him from a bowl, again dried food) and keep my hand on it when he started eating. I would then take the bowl away and add something better than dried food (a small amount of liver pâté or squeezy cheese from a tube) and give it back to him, so he knew that if I took something away, he’d likely be rewarded with something better.

He’s pretty good now with food.

mynewname25 · 18/09/2022 06:09

I was just coming on to post almost exactly what PirOn1 has just said.

If you can do this for a while then the food issues should resolve. I hope things improve and you start to experience some of the nice parts of having a dog.

Furries · 18/09/2022 06:21

OK - a few things to unpick first:

What breed is the dog? This is the most important thing. Most breeds have inherent traits which will affect the best way to train/motivate them.

How old is the puppy? Again, depending on breed, age matters.

How many are in your family? Am guessing 2 adults and x children. The age of your children will have an impact on how to manage your puppy.

What is your home set-up? Are you rural? Are you in the suburbs/a town/a flat? Do you have a secure garden? Etc

The “puppy blues” are a real thing. Pretty much everyone I’ve interacted with over time has had that “what the fuck have I done” feeling at some point during the puppy stage. So DO NOT beat yourself up for feeling like this. What you need to do is get practical. Having answers to my questions above would help, but in the absence of info specific to your set-up, some basic advice would be as follows:

For the food possessiveness. When dog is given its food, train it to sit before bowl is put down and wait until you give the signal for it to eat. Manners are really important! If you have young kids, do not let them near the dog when eating. Do not let anyone in the family feed scraps from the dining table etc. if your dog is in the room with you when you are all eating, do not let him beg/pester at the table - teach them early to move away and lie down elsewhere. If you do want to give them some scraps, it should be once everyone has finished and those scraps go in their bowl along with their usual dinner.

With regards to training, the best thing you can do as a family is to agree on your commands. The absolute basics are “sit” “down” “stay” plus “wait”. If possible, look into videos demonstrating hand signals for those four commands. Try to develop those if possible. Every voice is different - on top of that, every voice in a different emotional state is different. But hand signals remain constant, no matter how frustrated you are. Also, I see/hear too many people yelling “sit down” to their dogs - poor dogs are likely thinking do you want me to sit or lay down?!

Researching the breed of your puppy will be a big help. You need to know what they were bred for - that will give you guidance as to what their strengths are. There is no point trying to get a terrier to retrieve something with a soft mouth! Different breeds will have different motivators - you need to know yours to give you a starting point as to how best to channel their training.

Also, look into recommended puppy schools in your area. They can be a great way to learn some of the basic training methods whilst getting your pup to interact with other dogs in a controlled environment. And also a good way for new owners to vent with each other!

I had a giant breed who posed a few challenges as she matured. The best advice I got was to be consistent with your training/commands. It can be a PITA to begin with, but it’s worth it. My girl sat automatically for her food, she sat and waited for me to step out the door before she followed. She knew not to jump up at people - she’d get fuss if all four paws were on the floor. If you’re consistent with your basic expectations, they will become second nature for your dog.

As an aside, it’s a bit disappointing the amount of “rehome him” posts. Its a puppy - the owner hadn’t had time yet to get over the shock of how much of a responsibility it is. As I said earlier, most people I know who’ve had a puppy have had that “wtf” feeling for a while. None of us told each other to rehome said puppies.

Furries · 18/09/2022 06:28

BooseysMom · 18/09/2022 03:20

Exactly why I haven't caved in and joined the masses. I'm not having our home stinking, endless barking, chewing, pooing, weeing, jumping up at people ..and all that after paying over a grand for the privilege.. and that's before any trips to the vet.

The neighbours are dog sitters. The barking really grates at our nerves.. DH works from home so it's worse for him. Their home stinks and the dogs are untrained, boisterous yobs that jump up at people and they appear to think that’s perfectly normal.

Completely get where you’re coming from. But there are breeds that have low propensity for barking. And you train them to wee and poo outside!

And it’s fairly simple to train dogs NOT to jump up at people.

Vet trips shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Insurance isn’t too expensive.

dewisant2020 · 18/09/2022 06:29

It's so so common to feel like this when you get a new puppy, I remember when I got my dog and despite always wanting one I absolutely regretted it for the first few months.
The puppy stage is tough going, all I can suggest is bearing with it, try and remember they are a baby and will grow up soon enough.
I love our dog with all my heart now and wouldn't be without him but if someone offered to take him a few years ago I would have jumped at the chance.
Lots of owners feel the same and if you research it on the internet it is such a common feeling at first

PurpleFlower1983 · 18/09/2022 06:32

Puppies can be a nightmare! Take some puppy classes and dedicate some time to training and you will be fine. Hopefully you researched the breed before you got one.

mycatisannoying · 18/09/2022 06:32

The puppy phase was one of the hardest times of my life. It does get better. I wouldn't be without my dog - he's the best. even if he is naughty

Ihatemydogbmnamechange · 18/09/2022 06:51

HikingBoots · 18/09/2022 03:01

Sigh. Another muppet who got a dog to keep up with the Joneses and will end up dumping...sorry rehoming...it.

This is super helpful thanks so much. I wish you nothing but the kind and helpful attitude you’ve shown here to be reflected at you in everything you do.

OP posts:
OperaStation · 18/09/2022 07:00

LovelyDaaling · 18/09/2022 00:02

Possessiveness around food? Bad sign that none of you are handling that dog well. You have to speak up now and rehome it asap.

Or just train it properly, like all people with dogs should be obliged to do for the safety of their families and the general public.

Ihatemydogbmnamechange · 18/09/2022 07:00

to answer some questions.

  1. everybody does their bit
  2. i walk the dog at least once a day for at least twenty minutes but normally between half an hour and an hour
  3. i can feed the dog it’s food one piece at a time and it will sit patiently
  4. i know I can rehome it but I said yes and I have made my bed and I have to lie in it
  5. the dog is very good in a lot of ways
  6. the dog is very large but a very gentle breed
  7. se have had a dog trainer
  8. I am due on my period so it’s possible I’m having a bit of an emotional reaction to it’s behaviour
  9. the dog is only possessive around it’s food and toys in some circumstances and we are trying to work on thie
  10. i have spent hours training rhe dog
  11. i do not like dogs in general but I agreed because everyone else did. If I had said no we would not have one. I have no one to blam e but myself
  12. i need
OP posts: