Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish I hadn’t got a dog

111 replies

Ihatemydogbmnamechange · 17/09/2022 23:41

Before people say what a horrible arsehole I am, I didn’t want a dog but gave in to years and years of pressure from everyone else in my family and now I am stuck with a dog who is ruining my life. still a puppy but is showing some possessiveness around food and I wish with all my heart I had never got him. My daughters are so happy my wife is happy but the dog can be awful to them too.

i hate everything about having a dog.

when is it ever going to get better z

ive sat and cried tonight becssue i wish I could go back in time

OP posts:
ChagSameachDoreen · 18/09/2022 07:02

Rehome it. Dogs are a nightmare.

Carla2601 · 18/09/2022 07:05

This is normal with a puppy, it’s like a new baby it makes you tired and jaded and frustrated but it will get better!

definitely get a trainer in so you can nip any issues in the bud early and good luck

Soymocha · 18/09/2022 07:07

Agree with everything said by @Furries and @PriOn1 .

Puppy blues is a real thing. Please don't be too hard on yourself. I was in a similar situation to you. I spent much of the first few weeks crying and regretting that we had a dog. Before I am flamed for this, puppy blues is a real thing. Looking back, despite all the intensive researching and prep , knowing what you are getting yourself into isn't the same as the actual experience of it. It's a huge lifestyle change.

To get over my puppy blues, I threw myself into training to raise the dog that we wanted. It really helped. It provides a different focus for you and it's also important for everyone to have a well mannered dog.

We've always hand fed kibble from day one. We still do almost 9 months later. We always make her sit and wait for permission before she can eat. As well as the basic commands in @Furries post, training a release word is also a useful one for self discipline. You can do this daily when feeding or playing ball games. E.g. put dog in sit and wait, chuck the ball and dog doesn't go for it until you give the release word. Our release word is "okay". Training self discipline really helps create a calm and well mannered dog.

We do a lot of mental training and enrichment too. Short bursts definitely tires our dog out more than walks. Our breed was chosen because of its trainable nature though. All of this helps to create a calm puppy which means dog is happy and we're all happy.

Get your wife and kids onboard. Hopefully, it isn't all falling on you which might be contributing to how you're feeling. My DH and kids insisted on the dog. I'm pretty firm that we are all in it together and not just the fun times and cuddly times. Even my 8yo will pick up dog poo. They also have to train the dog daily (ours is not quite 9 months so training is still constant). I want the dog to see my DH and kids also as the source of all good things so it listens to all of us.

Before I got my dog, I spoke to lots and lots of friends who had dogs. Nobody ever mentioned any regret but only positive things. Once I got my dog, they all confided that they all found the puppy stage horrendously hard and were filled with regret. Not sure why they didn't tell me before I got the dog but I think there's some shame around admitting puppy regret. Or worries about the responses they'll get especially judging by some of the posts on here.
The good news is that it does pass. They would all say the dog is their life. I only know one person who gave their dog back to the breeder after 8 weeks.

There are lots of FB groups that can provide emotional support and advice too, including from dog trainers. Might be useful to join some? There's likely to be one specific to your breed as well. I found this hugely helpful and felt less alone and overwhelmed discovering that everything I was feeling and going through was shared by so many dog owners. I got a lot of great advice, encouragement and support as well.

We all love our dog so much but, goodness, the first couple of months was so hard!!! If you can, do join a puppy group or find a support group. It really will make it a lot easier to be surrounded by others going through the same stage or who have been there and can understand.

rookiemere · 18/09/2022 07:08

How long have you had the dog and what age is it ?

We have a dog because DH and DS wanted one. Luckily he's a docile breed, provided he gets lots of walking. But the house is mucky and it's expensive.

I really resented having the dog for about a year. I'm still a tiny bit annoyed about it, but I do love rookiedog so it's ok.

Its easy to say rehome the dog, but then you'll forever be the person that rehomed their dog. I don't know what the answer is - maybe some time stepping back from it. DW becomes main instigator in sorting out training etc. for a while ?

ThePoetsWife · 18/09/2022 07:09

Please make you use reward based training. Nave take things of value like toys or food from the dog - do a swop instead with something of a higher value.

Mai sure the DC know never ever to go near when dog is eating. Drum this into them. Same with their friends. Even better keep all high value toys and food out of reach. .

Riverlee · 18/09/2022 07:13

Lycanthropology · 18/09/2022 00:06

Puppies are a nightmare. I didn't like dogs but caved and got one. Getting through the puppy stage and toilet training was a nightmare and took longer than expected. I had regrets, to put it mildly.
But then it all clicked into place: dog grew up and got into good habits, and became the softest, most affectionate and well behaved friend. I absolutely adore my dog.
I hope you can have my experience, but if things don't start to improve soon then you should probably re-home the poor thing.

Looking forward to this! At disturbed-night sleep stage at the moment.

Darbs76 · 18/09/2022 07:15

Sounds like resource guarding. This needs to be very carefully managed. You need the help of a behaviourist. If your wife and kids wanted the dog so much they can do the walking / feeding etc. Please keep help on the resource guarding now

BirmaBrite · 18/09/2022 07:45

How old is the dog ?
What do you mean by 'My daughters are so happy my wife is happy but the dog can be awful to them too' ? What is the dog doing ?

HikingBoots · 18/09/2022 08:02

"Sigh. Another muppet who got a dog to keep up with the Joneses and will end up dumping...sorry rehoming...it."

This is super helpful thanks so much. I wish you nothing but the kind and helpful attitude you’ve shown here to be reflected at you in everything you do.

Oh sorry, my bad. I forgot about the 'Be Kind' movement that we women must adhere to at all times 🙄

Tumbleweed101 · 18/09/2022 08:03

I always stroked mine from small
puppies while they were eating and
added food to the bowl so they saw contact while eating as a positive thing.

Dogs are very hard work through the puppy and teenage stage but once through it they are much easier and if you have trained them
well then this is the point it starts
to be worth it.

Sometimes I think how easy life would be without the dog but he does bring an element of fun and companionship to the family that we would all definitely miss if he was no longer here.

My dogs worse trait is that he barks a bit too much, including at dogs on TV! Can’t watch anything that might involve dogs while he’s in the room.

Wereeaglesdare · 18/09/2022 08:07

Day 1 put food in bowl take a chair sit by the door
Day 2 put food in bowl move chair closer
Day 3 take a handful of food drop it in to the bowl
Day 4 take two handfuls of food drop it in to the bowl
Day 5 put food in the bowl and then have a handful of food let ur dog take it out ur hand.
Repeat day 5 for a few days

If your the hand that feeds and not the hand that takes away the dog learns to not be insecure about its food.

wetotter · 18/09/2022 08:08

Puppy blues are normal and not a reason to rehome.

This creature is still a baby, not long away from mother and littermates, learning so much about the world and forming its first attachments to its new owner.

I don't actually think your family should have got a puppy in the first place - that should never be done unless everyone is fully on board with the idea. But you can't change the past.

You need to keep going with the training, getting expert, individual advice sooner not later.

Wereeaglesdare · 18/09/2022 08:08

Oh and never leave food down all day for a possessive dog. Let ur dog eat and go play take its bowl away and give back at meal times then it does not need to guard it.

MissyB1 · 18/09/2022 08:09

Wombat100 · 18/09/2022 00:13

It never fails to amaze me how many people on these threads simply see dogs and other pets as disposable. Really sad.

This!!!! I mean bloody hell sometimes I regret becoming a parent, but I’ve never thought about giving the kids away! Well ok I’ve had the odd daydream….. 😜

OP you have to try and bond with your dog. And the whole family have to train the dog. Get a few lessons from a trainer that comes to your house, it will be money well spent.

LondonWolf · 18/09/2022 08:15

I'm a massive dog lover, always had one since my twenties, as soon as I had a home of my own. I really relate to your post though OP as the puppy months/year can be utterly horrific. I know what comes once the dog is grown, and how worthwhile it is but for those who don't it can be life changing and soul destroying.

Re-home through a reputable rescue asap. Your children can have dogs when they're older, in their own homes. Don't let MNetters make you feel guilty about it either.

MoggyMittens23 · 18/09/2022 08:17

Wombat100 · 18/09/2022 00:13

It never fails to amaze me how many people on these threads simply see dogs and other pets as disposable. Really sad.

So would you rather someone hold their hands up, say they have made a mistake and find the dog a new loving home?

Or keep it out of duty for the next 10 or so years and find the dog such a burden that life is utterly miserable for all involved, including the dog?

cushioncovers · 18/09/2022 08:18

How long have you had the dog op? Have you told your wife how you feel?

itsjustnotok · 18/09/2022 08:27

@CherryGenoa my DH and both DD’s desperately want a dog. I’ve refused so far because although everyone says they will take it for walks and clean up etc I know the reality will be different. I work part time and study part time so I can guarantee it will be me doing the work most of the time because I’m at home most. They don’t get it. DH told the kids last night perhaps after Christmas!! He knew from the look I gave him I wasn’t impressed with being railroaded. Idea and reality are so different.

Ylvamoon · 18/09/2022 08:29

What exactly is bothering you and what exactly is the dog doing that makes life difficult?
Is there anything positive about having the dog? Like do you enjoy your walks, love seeing your family happy...

Dogs are absolutely amazing creatures. I often think it is a privilege to own one.
But yes, they are predators, they can be stubborn and are often misunderstood.

BatteryPoweredMammy · 18/09/2022 08:31

Tigofigo · 18/09/2022 00:01

The impression I get is that a lot of people feel the same way about their dogs.

Lots of owners I speak to sound exhausted and resentful about their dogs.

I know a few that sold their dogs after a few months as couldn't cope.

What I'm confused about is how your wife and children are happy, but you're not? Is the dogs behaviour aimed at you? Or is it because you just don't like dogs? If it's about the responsibility can you not just tell them they need to do everything dog related?

Not everyone loves dogs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

We have a dog who’s 5 years old. My DH loves him to bits and he’s perfectly well behaved etc. but I’ve realised I’m not really a doggy person. I treat him well enough but I much prefer the cats.

twistyizzy · 18/09/2022 08:33

Either train it or re-home for the safety of everyone. Sounds like the start of resource guarding and if not handled correctly can seriously escalate. Everyone has to be on board and be consistent for the training and contact a qualified behaviourist to help.
If you don't want to do this then please, please re-home so the dog can be placed with people who actually care about it.
Agree with the comment about pets being seen as disposable, this has resulted in the growth of puppy farms etc. Dogs are massively time consuming in the first few years and I wish people did their research thoroughly prior to getting one, the rescue centres are currently full to bursting with surrendered dogs.

Charlize43 · 18/09/2022 08:35

Oh that poor dog! Please rehome and at least give it the chance to have a great life with an owner who loves it instead of hates it. The kindest thing you could do would be to find it a good home.

OrangeKettle · 18/09/2022 08:42

To the posters with their snidey comments “oh look, another one who got a lockdown dog and now sees them as disposable”….. 🖕

I wanted one for 3 years. Then lockdown came so I delayed. I used the time to put money aside to see if I could afford the insurance, food, dog walker etc. I found training classes. Researched dog sitters and found out who would be willing to help me.

I spent a year deciding on the breed and talking to dog owners.

I got him as we were coming out of lockdown (and actually I still worked and kids went to school so our routine didn’t change anyway).

I cried every day for weeks. Up until a year of having him, I’d have quite happily have given him away.

Now, I love him and wouldn’t be without him. He has a couple of issues that stress me out - chasing / barking at men and reacting to bigger dogs (he’s been attacked 4 times by bigger dogs). But I can live with that because he’s such a good boy otherwise.

Puppy blues are a thing and snide comments are unhelpful and actually show how much you don’t know about people.

Y7drama · 18/09/2022 08:47

I really wanted a puppy, had grown up with dogs and really wanted own. But I didn’t realise how hard it was. Mine was an arsehole until 18 months!

Velvian · 18/09/2022 08:48

Can you throw some money at the problem? Get a really experienced dog sitter/walker to take the dog out on a long walk 2 or 3 times during the working week. Yiu would get a break and the dog would come back tired out.

I sympathise a bit, we rescued an older dog, as the DC love dogs. I WFH, so I am the dog's favourite person 😅. It gets a bit much at times.

We deliberately went for an older dog to try out dog owning for just a few years.