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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think their relationship is inappropriate now

90 replies

Foggybottomm · 17/09/2022 19:51

My boyfriend has a young child with a woman. From what he’s said about their relationship they just couldn’t work it out together. They seem to get on well for the sake of the child and I’ve never had reason to worry before yesterday really.

Today we went to his mums 70th birthday, lots of family there his ex also. From what I can tell they had lots of eye contact, lingering looks, not saying anything but looking across the room at each other, for what j think is an uncomfortable amount of time.

I felt uneasy but didn’t want to make a scene until later on in the evening, I went to the toilet came downstairs, they’re playfully punching each other on the arm, he pulls her arms behind her and they’re giggling. I went and sat outside in the garden with his sister until the end of the party.

I haven’t brought it up yet but I feel like it’s very inappropriate I feel uncomfortable. Aibu to bring it up

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 17/09/2022 19:53

If you don’t trust him then I’d break off the relationship. It’s his child’s mother. She’s not going anywhere soon.

1ofthosedayz · 17/09/2022 19:54

I think you have to bring it up else it will just eat away at you until you do. Have you seen them together often? Is this atypical behaviour?

UncleGabby · 17/09/2022 19:55

Sounds like they were flirting

Original poster
Foggybottomm · 17/09/2022 19:55

thstd the thing I have always trusted him, to go from that to watching him from across the room looking at her. Even when she wasn’t looking he was looking at her

OP posts:
Original poster
Foggybottomm · 17/09/2022 19:56

I haven’t seen them together in type of setting, just at like pick ups, saying hi and bye at kids parties. We don’t usually hang out together but she’s perfectly nice to me, we get on we’ll enough

OP posts:
NutellaEllaElla · 17/09/2022 20:00

Well that sounds humiliating. I'd bin him.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/09/2022 20:01

Given you say they have a young child together she's going to be a feature of your relationship whether you like it or not. That would be somewhat of a challenge even without all this carry-on with the lingering looks. Even if you do raise it and he says "it's nothing" or some variation of you were imagining it you have to ask yourself honestly could you live like this, the constant second-guessing or wondering. How long have you been together?

girlmom21 · 17/09/2022 20:02

Yeah they're not completely over each other.

mooongooose · 17/09/2022 20:04

Someone will be along to call you insecure and controlling.

Yanbu. They exchanged gazes, then snuck over to each other while you were gone and started flirting.

If you have no children together, I would not bother with him for another second.

BeardieWeirdie · 17/09/2022 20:05

Back in the sea he goes.
Save yourself the heartache and humiliation.

InsomniacVampire · 17/09/2022 20:14

Maybe it's one of those things, it didnt work but they still are very much into one another. Maybe she broke it off and he is still thinking about her and she enjoys the attention- and they clearly dont think much of you at all if they were eyeing each other, joking etc when you were around. I'd say it's a lost cause. You can't win if they are still in love.

thefirstmrsrochester · 17/09/2022 20:18

BeardieWeirdie · 17/09/2022 20:05

Back in the sea he goes.
Save yourself the heartache and humiliation.

This 👆

gettingolderandgrumpier · 17/09/2022 20:27

End it lovely, you know what you saw and it doesn’t sound good . He’s in some sort of relationship with here that you don’t want to be part of .

catandcoffee · 17/09/2022 20:38

That is extremely disrespectful behaviour from him towards you.
I think I'd have to walk away from him.

RaRaRaspoutine · 17/09/2022 20:40

There’s still a spark there. Even if it doesn’t turn into something, he’s still been disrespectful but flirting openly with her whilst you were there. That’s a red line for me.

Onedaytherewasapear · 17/09/2022 20:45

How long have you been together OP? It may be time to cut your losses and not get involved in whatever this is...

neverbeenskiing · 17/09/2022 20:46

If I could go back in time to before I was married with kids and give myself one piece of relationship advice it would be this : trust your own instincts. It's tempting to ignore the warning signs because you don't want them to be true but IME if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Carproblem · 17/09/2022 20:47

Bin him.

tickticksnooze · 17/09/2022 20:49

I don't think much of rapists citing "eye contact" as "consent", so I don't have time for you either on that point.

The weird punching thing is, well, weird.

ShirleyJackson · 17/09/2022 20:50

tickticksnooze · 17/09/2022 20:49

I don't think much of rapists citing "eye contact" as "consent", so I don't have time for you either on that point.

The weird punching thing is, well, weird.

What a strange comment.

NotaCoolMum · 17/09/2022 20:56

tickticksnooze · 17/09/2022 20:49

I don't think much of rapists citing "eye contact" as "consent", so I don't have time for you either on that point.

The weird punching thing is, well, weird.

What? 🥴

PaddleBoardingMomma · 17/09/2022 20:58

No chance, he humiliated you. Throw him back at warp speed

Caroffee · 17/09/2022 21:09

ShirleyJackson · 17/09/2022 20:50

What a strange comment.

Show quote history

You are comparing two incomparable sets of behaviour.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 17/09/2022 21:14

The hills are THAT way >>>>>>>>>>>>> 🏃‍♀️

Dotcheck · 17/09/2022 21:16

I wouldn’t even bring it up with him because honestly- what would he say? I also vote bin