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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think their relationship is inappropriate now

90 replies

Foggybottomm · 17/09/2022 19:51

My boyfriend has a young child with a woman. From what he’s said about their relationship they just couldn’t work it out together. They seem to get on well for the sake of the child and I’ve never had reason to worry before yesterday really.

Today we went to his mums 70th birthday, lots of family there his ex also. From what I can tell they had lots of eye contact, lingering looks, not saying anything but looking across the room at each other, for what j think is an uncomfortable amount of time.

I felt uneasy but didn’t want to make a scene until later on in the evening, I went to the toilet came downstairs, they’re playfully punching each other on the arm, he pulls her arms behind her and they’re giggling. I went and sat outside in the garden with his sister until the end of the party.

I haven’t brought it up yet but I feel like it’s very inappropriate I feel uncomfortable. Aibu to bring it up

OP posts:

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 23:03

oakleaffy · 17/09/2022 23:01

Say {After he's been pumping away for a minute}
'Is it in yet?'

Show quote history

Haha yes

Iknowthis1 · 17/09/2022 23:10

I suspect it's not about you at all. It's about her. Just give her space.

(Unless you're involved in an MLM. Then it's you)

Iknowthis1 · 17/09/2022 23:11

Sorry. Posted on wrong thread!

Courtjobby · 17/09/2022 23:23

Been there before when at a party with my boyfriend (now ex) who did this, but with a friend, (actually on more than one occasion). Was humiliating and disrespectful. He gaslit me about it. It really ate away at my self esteem. I am so glad I'm out of it and with someone who respects me. A basic element of a good relationship of any kind is mutual respect. You deserve it.

suzyscat · 17/09/2022 23:34

Even if nothing happened between then again and you stayed with him wouldn't you always be wondering? I'd have to leave because it would trash my self esteem and make me paranoid.

MummyIsJustDoingThis · 17/09/2022 23:41

As soon as there’s doubt, you’ll struggle to be the same again. He sounds like a massive dick! How dare he do that in front of you. On your way, nob rot

Catpuss66 · 18/09/2022 00:03

He can only treat you poorly if you allow him to treat you poorly.

MsDogLady · 18/09/2022 00:04

Foggy, this is unacceptable. Your BF made a fool of you in front of everyone. He and his Ex only had eyes for each other. Then, as soon as you left the room, they made a bee line for each other and started their flirty, intimate touch-play. They didn’t care who noticed.

No matter how much he denies it, their spark is still alive, and connecting with her at the party was his priority.

You would be very foolish to continue a relationship with this guy. He is not committed to you. I would end things without giving him the opportunity to manipulate you further.

Ponderingwindow · 18/09/2022 00:10

This is how their relationship works. She isn’t going anywhere. You can’t ask him to change how he interacts with the mother of his child.

I personally wouldn’t want to stick around to watch this pair for the rest of my life. Even if you trust him, it will still hurt to feel like they have a special bond.

blockpavingismynightmare · 18/09/2022 00:33

OP How hurtful for you to witness this, and how crass of him to do it in front of you. I would be hurt and confused if it were me.
I think you would be better off without him tbh

georgarina · 18/09/2022 02:26

Unfinished business there for sure
The fact he is now in a relationship could make it more exciting for them/make her more attracted to him/bring up old feelings
I wouldn't bother. Because all he can say is 'it's nothing,' but the fact is he spent the party flirting with her and ignoring you.
You don't want to be in a relationship where you're made to feel like you come second.

marblemad · 18/09/2022 04:09

If you haven't already done so you'll have to break it off immediately, it doesn't seem long before he inevitably cheats on you with her if he hasn't already done so. In my book flirtatious playing, lingering looks etc with an ex of that level is cheating.

MRex · 18/09/2022 04:24

You don't need to wait for him to actually cheat on you before you walk away. If they still have feelings for each other, then there will be nothing but heartbreak ahead for you.

MerryMarigold · 18/09/2022 05:53

I thought you may be being a bit paranoid about the lingering looks but they got together a soon as you left the room and got 'physical' in the only way they could. So, no, you weren't being paranoid about the looks. I'm sure they were inappropriately long and lingering.

Everyone is saying the same thing OP. Must be really hard to hear but Mumsnet doesn't often agree.

Be strong. He will probably deny flirting it having any desire to be with her (having you makes him more attractive to her, clearly, so he doesn't want you to go). He might try and super manipulate you into staying with him. But don't. You are being used, possibly not even consciously by him, but you are - to make him seem more attractive, the forbidden fruit.

He's treated you so disrespectfully to act like that in front of his family. Just to make it more difficult, his family are clearly close to the ex because she shouldn't really have been there or been invited - that's immediately a messed up boundary. Of course the child should have come but not her Mum.

KangFang · 18/09/2022 06:00

Bin him.

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