To think their relationship is inappropriate now

[Foggybottomm]

My boyfriend has a young child with a woman. From what he’s said about their relationship they just couldn’t work it out together. They seem to get on well for the sake of the child and I’ve never had reason to worry before yesterday really.

Today we went to his mums 70th birthday, lots of family there his ex also. From what I can tell they had lots of eye contact, lingering looks, not saying anything but looking across the room at each other, for what j think is an uncomfortable amount of time.

I felt uneasy but didn’t want to make a scene until later on in the evening, I went to the toilet came downstairs, they’re playfully punching each other on the arm, he pulls her arms behind her and they’re giggling. I went and sat outside in the garden with his sister until the end of the party.

I haven’t brought it up yet but I feel like it’s very inappropriate I feel uncomfortable. Aibu to bring it up

I haven’t brought it up yet but I feel like it’s very inappropriate I feel uncomfortable. Aibu to bring it up

It's doesn't sound good to me. In your shoes, I'm not sure I would see any future for your relationship with him.

Why would he be treating an ex like that, if they were an ex?

In your shoes, I'd get out before you have any children with him. Why put yourself though this kind of stress?

It doesn't sound good. They were flirting and physically playing around with each other. How long are you going out with him?

I think this must be the first thread on Mumsnet like this that I’ve YANBU’d on.

How old are you all - I only ask because it sounds like the kind of mooning behaviour I’d expect from someone in their twenties, but you said it’s his mum’s 70th.

Not so much the lingering looks, but certainly the play fighting…yeah, that would worry me.

Depends how brave you’re feeling as to how you handle this one!

Play fighting = flirting. So he’s flirting with his ex in front of you, with his family there. That’s humiliating 😔 and hard to forgive.

More importantly, he clearly has feelings for her and she’s the mother of his child… My guess is he’s still in love with her but didn’t want to be a coparent.

Anyway up to you…

They were flirting with each other right in front of you. So disrespectful.

I don't think much of rapists citing "eye contact" as "consent", so I don't have time for you either on that point.

Did you have time to read the OP? Because you seem to have missed the point spectacularly.

They were flirting.

It’s a difficult situation because they have a child together so will always have contact and that connection. It sounds like they both are still attracted to each other. I think you will find if you split up you’ll soon hear they’re ‘giving it another go’. It may not last but it doesn’t sound like they’ve moved on from each other.

Gosh that must have been embarrassing for you. I think I’d dump he he’s not worth this

yes, don't try and rationalise it all to make it ok somehow. It's not. Get turned off.

He needs to go in the 🗑

Disrespectful bell end. I feel for you, OP. You must have felt utterly humiliated. But you need to get rid.

Are you all kids yourselves? Teenagers ro early twenties?

I wouldn't bring it up with him. I think, we all know what he is going to say.

I would trust my instinct. Do not compromise at this stage (pre kids, pre marriage), not even a tiny bit. You don't want to be feeling the way you did at that party because of him ever again.

Another vote for put him in the bin
I ignored stuff like this too
And it turns out that they were sleeping together when he went to drop off the kids..

If you confront him about this incident, he's only going to gaslight you and say they are just friends or whatever b.s.

This is my take on situations like this, and I've always been proven right,
You are in a relationship with him, so now his child's mother is a forbidden fruit and also vice versa,

She might not have been too interested in him before (hence why they broke up)
but now he's committed to you, suddenly he's all irresistible and shiny..
Also when someone is a bit desperate for sex its easier to go back to an ex if their options are slim..

I noticed it with my ex, when I was with him suddenly everyone wanted a peice of him, his child's mother, his female friends, even one of my friends (skank)
As soon as I broke up with him, suddenly he can't get a girlfriend and he's mr lonely and nobody wants him anymore,
His child's mother got a new man, so no more sweaty quickies at drop off and he's constantly trying to beg ME for sex (repulsive) I have great pleasure in telling him no thank you

It just seems to be how some people operate, they get their rocks off on hurting
other people, cheating on their spouses, sneaking around and cheap thrills
They aren't able to have a normal relationship its too boring for them,
If you dump him, they will slowly lose interest in each other again ..

I bet they're still having a sexual relationship or he is keeping her sweet for a future fumble.

He is having his cake and eating it.

Others would have noticed this too op. don't let them humiliate you this way. I would end it. If he can do that openly with you right there, you can hardly trust him with a lifetime of contact with her for the kids.

The thing is, if you do bring it up, what could he possibly say to make you feel any better about this situation?

I would walk away from the relationship. They have a young child together. They're always going to maintain contact. It wouldn't surprise me if there was unfinished business there or if one (or both) of them is yearning for their "family" to be back together.

For the sake of your own sanity, move on.

Agree with all the bin him off comments and not to tell him why he will make excuses and you will second guess yourself. Just tell him you don't fancy him anymore.

Tell him he has a small dick and is crap in bed
that'll bug him for ages. juvenile but funny too

You can't win here.

You bring it up and he'll bring out all the reasons he thinks you're being unreasonable and make it about you being insecure - and then carry on with the inappropriate behaviour around his ex.

You don't bring it up and it'll bug you - and he'll carry on with the inappropriate behaviour around his ex.

How long have you been together?how old is their child?
deteils matter to a certain extent. But also don’t.because you’ve seen what you’ve seen now.it’s bothered you enough to be an issue so you can talk to him about it and ask.but I’m struggling to see what his answer could be that would make you feel better.he either lies if he does still have feelings.or he tells the truth.will you beleive either? Do you want to wait and find out?
I’ve seen co parents get on very well.couldn’t make a relationship work but are best friends. But of course you have to be respectful of a new partner.sometimes they can and can’t do this.and then sadly it’s up to you.can you live in the relationship where he’s still acting like this with an ex.
and if you really do think their are feelings feelings then just don’t bloody bother.you’ll make each other miserable and waste too many years.

Dumpity dump.
And don't do the Pick Me dance (see chumplady.com for details)

THIS.
@Foggybottomm
If it feels remotely 'Wrong' or uncomfortable. PLEASE, please trust those instincts.

I had a partner once whom I overrode my instincts for..BIG mistake.
Those instincts are always correct.
Bin.
The punching/mock fighting thing is very strange...any excuse for 'contact?'

Say {After he's been pumping away for a minute}
'Is it in yet?'

Don’t let them make a mug of you. Dump him on the spot. I would never tolerate that.