To think their relationship is inappropriate now

[Foggybottomm]

My boyfriend has a young child with a woman. From what he’s said about their relationship they just couldn’t work it out together. They seem to get on well for the sake of the child and I’ve never had reason to worry before yesterday really.

Today we went to his mums 70th birthday, lots of family there his ex also. From what I can tell they had lots of eye contact, lingering looks, not saying anything but looking across the room at each other, for what j think is an uncomfortable amount of time.

I felt uneasy but didn’t want to make a scene until later on in the evening, I went to the toilet came downstairs, they’re playfully punching each other on the arm, he pulls her arms behind her and they’re giggling. I went and sat outside in the garden with his sister until the end of the party.

I haven’t brought it up yet but I feel like it’s very inappropriate I feel uncomfortable. Aibu to bring it up

I don’t understand why the ex girlfriend was there anyway, surely that was inappropriate inviting her? Your boyfriend must have known it would be awkward for you? And her too?
Maybe re -evaluate your relationship- she’ll be n his life for the next 16 years or so. I’d be inclined to end it and leave them all to it.

He still fancies her, she still fancies him, it's only a matter of time before they are back together.

Kick him to the kerb and find a new boyfriend who will treat you with respect.

Doesn't sound like things are truly over with them.

Purely from what you've said, it sounds like you are there as "see, I can get someone else" and I wonder what her relationship situation is. They sound like they're using their partners in some sort of game.

Who knows what sort of messy, fucked up dynamic they've got going on but I wouldn't be a part of it if I were you.

I also wouldn't entirely trust them not to shag again, if they aren't already.

Bin!
What did his sister say when you were sitting with her while they were flirting?

How long have they been separated?

It is awkward, especially in the beginning, how to act around each other.

The looks wouldn’t bother me but the playing and touching would.
If you’ve been together a while then I’d definitely bring it up.

I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
They are adults and if they wanted to be with each other then they would be.

What did he say?

They sound like the sort of people who can't/won't be together, but can't/won't be properly apart either.

He deserved to have you leave the party.

For your own preservation I'd advise you to gtf rid of him.

Don't take his protests and assurances as important when you get rid of him, actions speak louder than words, and you saw the actions.

Very very unfair to behave like that having taken you to his Mum's party, really shitty.n

As I see it, it actually doesn’t matter whether they are still in love, or whether he sees his behaviour as just “being friendly”, or “coparenting well” or whatever other reason/ excuse he’s going to come up with. The fact is that you felt disrespected, uncomfortable and frankly, don’t trust him now, so for that reason alone I’d say “bin him”. He’s not in a position to not see her again, and you can’t be in a relationship for 16 years, feeling like second best.

What a prick.. he should have respected you more in that moment. Bin him.

They have history and will always have a present because they have a child
sounds like the spark is there, unfinished business
you observed him staring at her. He still wants her. No point in keeping going call it quits go meet a man who wants you

Get out now, don't waste another second on him. He clearly had no respect for you to behave in a flirty manner the second Ur backs turned (in front of his family).

How long have you been together?

I’d be giving this relationship a wide berth tbh. Once you’ve noticed this kind of behaviour, you can’t un-notice it.
You are always going to be watching him like a hawk around his ex and once you are at that stage then the trust is gone.

You deserve better!

Bin him off.

Not worth the hassle. I am sure he will tell you, there’s nothing there and it’s he wants. But people don’t flirt and stare at each other across a room when there’s not unfinished business.

The fact that he has dragged into this, whilst knowing he has feelings, makes him a shit.

You can do better

I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
They are adults and if they wanted to be with each other then they would be.

You speak as though cheating doesn't exist lol.

But the sad reality is that men and women cheat on their partners and spouses all the time, often with "exes". They go back and forward between them. The number of women you'll hear say their ex husband or partner is cheating or is trying to chest on his new partner with them is significant. Intense looks and flirty arm punching is not indifferent behaviour towards your ex, not by a long shot.

This is a massive leap but, I think they are seeing each other again.

You don't have that sort of flirty banter with someone you split up with or you haven't seen for a while.

Also he left you sitting outside and didn't give two thoughts about including you or making sure you were ok.

Completely agree, good advice

You are always going to be watching him like a hawk around his ex

And there'll be a thousand times you are not there for their pickups, drop offs etc.

If he left you out there and didn’t bring you back in/ask was all okay etc… I’m so sorry but I don’t think I’d stay with him

Why put yourself through that?

Guaranteed others saw and thought the same, but probably won’t say anything.

Personally I don’t think I could live with the humiliation and would just drop the relationship. Sure he’s a nice guy, it’s nice he has a relationship with the mother of his child, but it is not normal to have a touchy-feely relationship with someone you’re not into.

Break it off and tell him to go back to her as they clearly both want it.

Get rid. If they are doing that in front of you, there's potential for worse to happen when you are not around. Trust your gut.

He's acting like he's not over her, and he didn't respect you enough to consider how you'd feel. Not good. I'd end it while he's still only a bf. Don't get in any deeper with him.

I agree, it would eat away at me. Some people might think it's ok but just because they have a child together, flirty behaviour is a no no in my eyes.

I wouldn't be getting with a guy with a young child anyway (depends on what you mean by young of course). He's already left a woman to bring up a baby/very young child and been with you long enough to be serious enough to be taking you to family events. How old is the child and how long have you been together?

I'd be worried I was just a placeholder till he got back with her. Or at the very least, just a rebound.

If they're like this in front of you, then they clearly don't have good boundaries. I would walk away too. They have a child together, so she will always be part of his life.