Are you blunt/do you tell it like it is

[Boooooooom]

I have always been quite a sensitive person. I can take some things to heart and I would never not consider people's feelings when I'm saying things to them.
However it seems almost celebrated and desirable to be this very blunt sort of person who has zero filter, has constant 'banter' and basically never uses any tact, just blurts out whatever they think.
My partner told me the other day he 'loves' blunt people. I have a friend who honesty seems to have no filter, she never used to be like that and my other friend was like, "I'm really loving this new Sarah!"
I feel like my personality is seen as some sort of weakness.
I'd never for instance comment on someone's weight negatively, unless they had told me themselves they were trying to lose weight, or if they were in a dangerous situation and there was cause for concern.
The other day I showed my partner a picture of a friend's baby and he just said "That baby's ugly and has a massive head."
I admit I was taken aback as I'd never say something so cruel about a baby.
I'd never openly talk about someone else as being ugly, but I've heard it happen so many times.
I just think there are ways of saying things. It's like my partner went for a promotion and the manager laughed at him and said "You've got no chance, you're far too XYZ". I just thought that was brutal, he could have said it in a more tactful way.
I also wouldn't feel comfortable telling someone their hair looked 'awful' or something to that effect. I might say, they really suit X style usually. But ultimately if they like their hair, who am I to make them feel bad?
Anyway I feel like my personality is weak and 'too nice' and that I should be more blunt and direct in general.

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

@SandieCollins yup that's the sum of it!

The only time I'm blunt is when I'm faced with bluntness in the first instance - I'm reactively blunt. And as a PP said, those who are blunt don't like it back at them, the way I see it is that's on them, you get back what you give out.

No. People who pride themselves on this are usually rude dickheads. As if having manners is some sort of twee foible!

Ditto to both. If I'm asked for my opinion I'll be honest - mostly I'll try and be tactful but sometimes if I'm put on the spot then you'll just get pure honesty. But I won't volunteer a negative honest opinion for the sake of it. And if I pay you a compliment then I'm being honest and you shouldn't doubt it.
I would say though that there are times that bluntness is required - if you've got an issue with someone and you've tried tact without success then sometimes you have to be blunt. Honest but blunt.

I would also add that bluntness is sometimes cultural. Some european places are just such an absolute opposite to UK for example in these things and don't do the overly polite dances which are a normal politness here.

There's blunt and then there's twatty. This is twatty.

I'm blunt. But not rude. If a friend invited me to a party for example that sounds like my idea of hell, I'd just say Thanks for asking me but I don't really enjoy parties, I'm too antisocial.

I wouldn't make up some weak excuse, I'd just say I don't want to go but I'd say it nicely.

You can tell it like it is without being nasty.

In general I’m not blunt. A friend of mine was big into her bluntness but she was not the type of person you could be honest with your opinions or feelings to. It got pretty tiresome eventually. Pity because actually in other ways she was lovely.

IME people who "tell it like it is" are rude.

"Banter" = bullying

"What you see is what you get" = rude and aggressive

[Sweeping generalisation alert] I think as a society we are becoming more selfish and self centred and less considerate of others.

DH is German. It took me a while to teach him that it is NOT ok to say anything as long as it’s factually correct. Austrians are worse

I loathe the "tell it how it is" and "I just say it as it is", "that's just me" approach.

At work in particular I find it said after the person in question has been pulled up on their behaviour.

You simply don't have to. You have a choice.

You can be direct and honest without being rude, disrespectful or demeaning. You can choose to say nothing. You can ask for help from someone to address another person's behaviour or actions.

There are so many ways not to be a dick.

I consider myself very direct but not rude. Personally I prefer to know the truth about what people think/feel and therefore I tell the truth myself, I just try to do it in a nice way and not brutal/rude.

You can be very clear but gentle and very direct but nice. I strongly feel that people who hint or say things very indirectly because they feel mean being direct in any way are selfish because they put their own comfort above the comfort of the person who they've lied to.

I got told of once for saying "There are mistakes in x and y columns. You need to correct that before we can submit this, please." about spreadsheet (which was wrong) instead of saying "Sorry, there seems to be some issue in the columns x and y. Could you please correct it for us?"😂 I feel him

best not to feel other people's husbands. (Sorry, in a silly mood) 😂

@EmmaH2022 😂

The problem with this is that it can sometimes be harmful to the person you think you are protecting.

I have a very dear friend who I trust with my life, but recently I confided in her and asked her a shall I/shan't I type question, and she agreed wholeheartedly with my leanings.... when it all went wrong she sheepishly said 'when you were saying it, I did think it was a terrible idea' - she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but I would have listened to her and valued her opinion or wouldn't have asked.

I've lost a bit of respect for her tbh.

Not sure this is the same thing! I just think if you have a friend who tells it like it is - it can be a gift.

please can I have an example of this?

Anyone who says “I tell it like it is” is a rude and entitled cunt.

These people would never tell it like it is to their boss or to someone they were trying to chat up. It’s a power play. That’s all you need to know.

Find better people.

It's not a trait to be admired and is reflective of an aggressive personality. I have been told this about myself and have had to really consider my own behavior.

I think this is also an indication that you may not be compatible with your SO.

I have a friend who is very honest and direct and says it like it is, but she is also kind and empathetic and tactful. I find her friendship very easy because I always know where I stand with her and if ever there is an issue she will say it to my face and we can deal with it there and then.

I am very much a people pleaser and have a tendency to say everything’s fine even if it’s not because I don’t ever want to upset people but I think that can cause it’s own problems, I find it almost impossible to raise or talk about issues if they come up between me and others. I would like to be more like her as I think it is more honest, I’m aware I’m not always truthful in relationships in that I will pretend things are fine even if I’m upset for example, I find it hard to be honest about my feelings if I think they could be at all controversial and then resentment can build. It’s easier if people can deal with things truthfully and as they come up, but obviously there is still a line there. Being too blunt and honest is as much of a problem as being a complete people pleaser and keeping everything to yourself, the ideal is to be honest but also recognise when there is a need to be tactful.

Every time I hear someone describe themselves as being someone who “says it as it is”, or “I am really upfront”, or “I am just a brutally honest person!”, or similar, I just roll my eyes and cringe. A person who truly has these qualities would never announce them, so people who do say these things. I just shut down when I hear these statements in conversation.

Blunt = rude in my book.

As others have said there is a huge difference between being honest and factual and just being rude for the sake of it. Telling someone they look fat or ugly is just twatty. If someone asks for an opinion on their outfit and you say hmmm I don’t think it’s very flattering, that’s honest.

I personally can’t bear the British trait of just saying what you think people want to hear out of politeness. I find people pleasers pathetic and insipid and not to be trusted because you never know if they’re telling the truth. But being honest doesn’t mean insulting people, it means being diplomatic but factual, advocating for yourself and telling the truth rather than what you think someone would prefer to be told.

personally I couldn’t get wound up about someone saying a baby was ugly though. Most of them are. As long as you’re not saying it to the parents face (but then I wouldn’t tell parents their baby was gorgeous either, I’d just say nothing)

No, I'm more like you, OP. Wish I gave less of a shit, it must be liberating!! I admire those who are very sure of themselves and can shrug things off.

I've got more assertive with age though - remember you can be kind but not a pushover when someone is trying to take advantage of your good nature. I'm definitely not in awe of rude arseholes who'd label it "blunt/honest". I think diplomacy is a great trait and will get you a lot out of life.

People say I ‘tell it like it is’ mostly men though tbh. But I don’t see it myself. I’m not nasty to people but if they’re bullshitting away I’ll probably call them out on it. I think I’m tactful though

i know people like you probably detest me but I don’t really like people who pussyfoot around end up moaning about being a doormat to someone

the situation with your dp boss to me is nasty. Same about the babies in the pre school. Your dp saying that about a baby, however, wouldn’t bother me at all and I’d probably laugh in shock 😂

i can take it though. I’m pretty hard skinned and if someone said something like ‘yeah but mango, your hair always looks shit!’ I’d laugh and not even give it one more thought