Are you blunt/do you tell it like it is

[Boooooooom]

I have always been quite a sensitive person. I can take some things to heart and I would never not consider people's feelings when I'm saying things to them.
However it seems almost celebrated and desirable to be this very blunt sort of person who has zero filter, has constant 'banter' and basically never uses any tact, just blurts out whatever they think.
My partner told me the other day he 'loves' blunt people. I have a friend who honesty seems to have no filter, she never used to be like that and my other friend was like, "I'm really loving this new Sarah!"
I feel like my personality is seen as some sort of weakness.
I'd never for instance comment on someone's weight negatively, unless they had told me themselves they were trying to lose weight, or if they were in a dangerous situation and there was cause for concern.
The other day I showed my partner a picture of a friend's baby and he just said "That baby's ugly and has a massive head."
I admit I was taken aback as I'd never say something so cruel about a baby.
I'd never openly talk about someone else as being ugly, but I've heard it happen so many times.
I just think there are ways of saying things. It's like my partner went for a promotion and the manager laughed at him and said "You've got no chance, you're far too XYZ". I just thought that was brutal, he could have said it in a more tactful way.
I also wouldn't feel comfortable telling someone their hair looked 'awful' or something to that effect. I might say, they really suit X style usually. But ultimately if they like their hair, who am I to make them feel bad?
Anyway I feel like my personality is weak and 'too nice' and that I should be more blunt and direct in general.

Yes this. I prefer direct people as you know where you are with them. But there’s a difference between being direct and being nasty.

“I can't stand 'i say it like it is' people.
They usually use it as an excuse to be rude and nasty, but think making it a personality trait makes it ok.”

Completely agree. They think it’s funny, honest and forthright to be “blunt” or “speak their mind” when actually it’s just fucking rude and lazy, pretty much just an excuse to be astonishingly rude to someone’s face.

It irks the shit out of me. As children we are brought up to be respectful and polite, why do some people get to opt out of this just cos they can’t be arsed filtering whatever shite comes out their mouths?

I think generally it’s pretty horrible to be this way in social situations, but feel we could do with a bit more straight talking in , for example the nhs. (From practitioner to patient) . Sometimes there are things that have to be said, kindly.

"Blunt" and "telling it like it is" is just code for "tosser" - I avoid these people like the plague, they think they are funny and shocking but they are just exhausting and often have the emotional intelligence of a ham sandwich.

As for calling babies "ugly" well, some of them do look like old men, but that's an opinion best kept to yourself because of it's capacity to cause hurt and offence. As they say, opinions are like arseholes, everyone's got one but they are best kept to yourself rather than airing it in public.

As for calling babies "ugly" well, some of them do look like old men, but that's an opinion best kept to yourself because of it's capacity to cause hurt and offence

Exactly. Of course not all babies are beautiful but you always pretend they are to the parents. It's basic manners!

I've found this too! They tend to dish it out , but if anyone criticizes them they become offended pretty quickly !

Being blunt and being downright rude are not the same thing. Yes, I would be honest if the need arose but I wouldn’t call someone ugly or tell them they looked a mess. That’s just unkindness packaged up as something more palatable.

I used to live in Yorkshire where people tell it like it is.
I used to tell them they were just rude.

Definitely this

I work with a couple of "tell it like it is" women.

Trouble is that when you say nothing they automatically say things like "you know what I'm saying", "don't you agree", "you think so too"...

So I'm always just backing out of conversations because I don't want to be drawn into the mean girl vibe.

Overheard them comment on that too..."she's a right snooty cow, know what I'm saying?"

Being nasty and cruel is not okay.
But I am not English and I find English politeness rules exhausting and baffling. So I think I am seen as someone who tells it like it is.
So U tell you what I would like to do if we are arranging a day out, but am more than happy to compromise. I cant stand the - oh what do you want to do, no what do you want to do.
DP was annoyed last night as he went out with workmates and they all agreed to split the bill. He is teetotal and so paid way more to subsidise those drinking. We are not well off. I would have just said no i will pay mine and you can decide what you all want to do.
So much exhausting politeness that does not work. It is crazy.

They know his opinion, lovely and kind as it is, is useless. When they come to me, I’ll be honest but not horrible - I might say ‘well that top would go better with your jeans’ or ‘that colour is lovely on you but it’s not very flattering around your hips’ etc.

Perhaps he also doesn't see things as you do though?

I'm pretty hopeless when someone asks if something suits them or if stuff goes together.

There is being blunt and there is being rude.
I am known for being direct and having no time for bullshit BUT I am polite and would never say anything offensive about someone for no reason other than honesty.
I would never comment on someone’s weight or their baby being ugly - it’s completely unnecessary. People who “tell it like it is” and are proud of that are usually Dicks

When I first married DP if something looked good on me it was a waste of time as he said everything looked lovely. Now finally I get the truth which is what I want e.g. that top looks a bit too long with those trousers you might be better with the other trousers.

And sensitive people can be hard work if you mean the type of person who misinterprets every innocent remark.

There is a massive difference between being blunt and being a twat.
I am blunt, I don't pussyfoot around, do all this dance to soften things up. I am also not a twat though so I am not rude or insulting.
If that makes sense

People who 'tell it like it is' are simply rude.
How do you know that this 'it' is exactly how you are 'telling it?'
I've never heard anyone ever ask this type of person ' ooh blunt friend/colleague/family member do give us the full run down about that, we're on tenterhooks waiting'
Nope it's always unasked for, rude, and unnecessary. They're the people who say things like 'well.im.just saying what everyone was thinking' and each time I will always reply ' no I was not thinking that, please do not put words in my mouth or attempt to speak for me'
Ghastly behaviour. You're not sensitive OP, you are well mannered.

No, I don't. As I have consideration for others' feelings. However if Im faced with a 'blunt, tell it how it is' type, then if theyre rude and direct with me they get the same back in very straight-talk fashion. I dislike people like that; they're always the 1st to start squealing theyve been done a major wrong, when you handle them how they handle others. They can't take what they dish out. Brusque, abrasive people who don't care whose feelings they hurt aren't to be admired IMHO

So i wouldnt describe myself as 'blunt' or 'tell it like it is' but people will regularly come to me for my opinion on something and say 'i know you will tell me the truth'. However I know when to keep my mouth shut and i know when i have absolutely no business commenting on it. Plus im very upfront about my own shortcomings/mistakes and take criticism well (again, something other people have commented on, not a self assessment)

However i totally agree that the self proclaimed 'I tell it like it is' people NEVER seem to be able to handle the slightest disagreement and also have all sorts of weird hangups on what constitutes a personal slight!! The biggest 'I tell it like it is' person i know is world famous for her lack of self awareness, she will bitch about someone doing something then be doing the exact same thing herself 10 minutes later but will fully sulk dare anyone point that out to her...

(i would never just comment on a random persons weight like so many people seem to think its normal to do which i find very weird - comments like 'god look at her, that skirt really isnt doing her any favours' ... people who think like that need to have a good long look at themselves because how narrow and boring of a mind must you have that you would even register that as something worth commenting on, and then to say it out loud? Anyway...)

Totally agree with this.

I've generally found people who pride themselves on "telling it like it is" to be arseholes.

Obviously I don't comment on people's weight or hair or their qualities. That's just rude.

But I'll merrily defend myself and advocate for myself. Too many women talk themselves down in the workplace. You don't get promotions and high pay by being meek. You need to be sharp. I don't let rudeness towards me slide and any comments or a sexist, violent or aggressive nature would go straight to HR.

I also advocate for myself in relationships. No slacking here - everyone pulls their weight and does equal housework and parenting. No wishy washy threads about crap lazy DH here. Choosing a decent man is important, not settling for some dreg because you think you can't do better.

Confidence means happy relationships and a healthy paycheck. Be a sensitive people pleaser and get walked all over.

My experience is that it’s the very blunt people who misinterpret things and take offence. I think it’s because they judge people on their own behaviour and assume everyone people mean something rude or judgemental when they don’t.

No, I'm diplomatic (in person at least, I will be more blunt online) being diplomatic gets you a darn lot farther in the long term than bluntness, in my experience. There's a time and place to be blunt, but people will only tolerate it for so long, it's not something that works consistently I don't think.

I love receiving blunt feedback at work - when I first started out it might have been:
"That really wasn't up to scratch and you've not done what I asked. Try again, but do X, Y and Z next time".
It made me quickly understand how to improve.
Similarly, I give feedback in that style now. I'd never want to hurt someone's feelings, and I always try to make it constructive.