Are you blunt/do you tell it like it is

[Boooooooom]

I have always been quite a sensitive person. I can take some things to heart and I would never not consider people's feelings when I'm saying things to them.
However it seems almost celebrated and desirable to be this very blunt sort of person who has zero filter, has constant 'banter' and basically never uses any tact, just blurts out whatever they think.
My partner told me the other day he 'loves' blunt people. I have a friend who honesty seems to have no filter, she never used to be like that and my other friend was like, "I'm really loving this new Sarah!"
I feel like my personality is seen as some sort of weakness.
I'd never for instance comment on someone's weight negatively, unless they had told me themselves they were trying to lose weight, or if they were in a dangerous situation and there was cause for concern.
The other day I showed my partner a picture of a friend's baby and he just said "That baby's ugly and has a massive head."
I admit I was taken aback as I'd never say something so cruel about a baby.
I'd never openly talk about someone else as being ugly, but I've heard it happen so many times.
I just think there are ways of saying things. It's like my partner went for a promotion and the manager laughed at him and said "You've got no chance, you're far too XYZ". I just thought that was brutal, he could have said it in a more tactful way.
I also wouldn't feel comfortable telling someone their hair looked 'awful' or something to that effect. I might say, they really suit X style usually. But ultimately if they like their hair, who am I to make them feel bad?
Anyway I feel like my personality is weak and 'too nice' and that I should be more blunt and direct in general.

I used to manage a "tell it like it is" person. She could dish it out but she couldn't take it.

The office was significantly nicer when she left.

Context is everything, a friend asking you for your honest opinion on something and you providing said opinion tactfully but directly even if you know they will not like the answer is one thing. Telling your friend your blunt opinion without them inviting it and hiding behind the 'I'm just telling you how it is" excuse just makes you a bit of a tit.

Yeah you're right. If the opinion is asked for and if it's kindly delivered with tact is one thing. But I feel like some things are deliberately malicious.

Most people who pride themselves on “telling it like it is” are just rude and looking for attention, and get a kick out of hurting people.

Human interaction is nuanced. Sometimes it’s OK to be blunt. Sometimes honesty with tact is the way to go. Sometimes telling a white lie is by far the kindest thing to do. If someone showed me a picture of, say, their wedding dress and I hated it, I would still say “Ah, how lovely! You’ll look gorgeous” because although that might be a lie, what the hell is anyone going to gain from me being honest there?

I can't stand 'i say it like it is' people.
They usually use it as an excuse to be rude and nasty, but think making it a personality trait makes it ok.

There's a middle ground. I like people to be honest. You can be so without being hurtful. If I've upset someone I'd rather they told me (but calmly). If my new hairstyle doesn't suit me, I'd rather someone was honest in a kind way eg "it's bold, but I used to like the way your old style framed your face"

There are several incidents where I got something wrong, people knew it was a bad idea, but didn't say so. I really wish that they'd said "sara, I'm not sure that's a great idea, because it might come over as....". If they'd stopped me it would have been better and I wouldn't have so many mishaps to dwell on.

So yes, I don't appreciate people saying "oh, that's great" when it isn't. Over tactfulness is a bad thing.

Its a negative personality trait that does not achieve what it purports to. Don't lie, but be careful and thoughtful with your words. After all, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

You can be honest without being rude, though.

Personally, I don't like people who go out of their way to avoid arguments at all costs as I don't find them to be particularly genuine. It feels like they lie to avoid arguments which means I don't really trust them in general.

I feel better for having read these replies now.
I'll keep being myself and working on always being tactful but honest when the person benefits from it.

I do, but kindly and diplomatically, and only if I've been asked for my opinion. Otherwise I just keep my mouth shut.

I don't mind confrontation, and I appreciate someone being harsh and honest directly to me rather than people that make passive aggressive comments or saying what they really think behind my back.

From experience, such people often pride themselves on ‘always speaking my mind’. I have gone virtually NC with a relative like this - no filter, makes utterly crass or offensive remarks.

Scandis and Dutch people are also known for being ‘direct’ as they like to call it. To us it can come across as very thoughtless or inconsiderate, if not plain rude.

I don't think any trait is a good thing if its extreme. Being extremely blunt and vocalising all unpleasant thoughts is bad as is being so afraid to be perceived as rude that you lie to people to their detriment or being so sensitive that cry when your boss suggests a more efficient way of carrying out a task (I have been the boss in this scenario).

Like with all things there is a happy meduim.

No I'm not as I have found that blunt people are anecdotally vile and usually dull, no finesse as they lack the imagination and intelligence to understand their directness is subjective and usually not asked for.

Yes, but I have Asperger’s so lacking in social filters and cursed with a propensity for only being able to tell the truth as I see it.

On the plus side, if I tell a friend they look lovely, they know I really mean it and am not just making pleasantries.

Why the need to remark on looks though- it is pretty arrogant to assume your view is valid.

Babies are ugly sometimes. As long as you're not saying it to the parents (or to someone who will tell the parents) there is no harm to it.

When i read a lot of posts here i notice that people are annoyed that someone did or didn't do something that the poster hadn't explicitly told them about - it's often "i hinted" "i pulled a disapproving face" or something. Then complete surprise that people didn't understand what they meant.

There is being kind, diplomatic and not making waves. Then there is "telling like it is" when it isn't necessary. People's emotional intelligence varies.

I couldn't decide which way to vote because you are not being unreasonable being nice but you are being unreasonable wanting to change.
I hate "bantz" too, usually an excuse to be nasty.

I am very blunt. But I wouldn't say any of the things you have mentioned. They just sound mean.

Ah my MIL says she 'calls a spade a spade' in reality she is just a rude prick

Absolutely this.

Are you a people pleaser, OP? Do you get your own needs met?

I think that’s it. I hate people being false and falsely nicely nicey - I would rather they were direct. But there’s a difference between direct and cruel. Some things don’t need to be said.

I have a scandi friend, a lot of people find her quite difficult but I take it with a pinch of salt and love her to bits. I also have a Chinese colleague who is quite blunt, to the extent that a lot of people refuse to work with her. Her account is that this is a very ‘Chinese’ characteristic- I don’t know if this is true but the way she describes her family, it sounds like she’s very mellow and considerate in comparison!

What is it that makes you think it’s ‘false nicey nicey’?

You have set up a false dichotomy in your op. You can be blunt and truthful without being a dick. I try never to lie, but equally am not in the business of hurting people or putting people down.

I have a hard time with people who pussy foot around and are never honest which is the other side of the coin. To me, that’s just lying to peoples faces and honesty is more important to me.

Look at it like this, whose opinion and praise do value more? Someone who will tell you a pack of lies just to placate you? Or someone who is honest, even if they’re blunt? Me and my DH are like this. When asked, my DH will tell my dds how fantastic and beautiful they look but they tut and roll their eyes and come to me instead. They know his opinion, lovely and kind as it is, is useless. When they come to me, I’ll be honest but not horrible - I might say ‘well that top would go better with your jeans’ or ‘that colour is lovely on you but it’s not very flattering around your hips’ etc. If I tell them they look amazing (which I do often) they know I really mean it - it’s not just platitudes.

I think the people you mean are just rude op. Being blunt and straightforward isn’t always the same as being out and out rude and insulting.