To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

Don’t be so silly

Now who's dishing out the personal insults....

no
its a fair summation. Op concedes she is grumpy and envious. Has posted it wa her job, that she feels hard done to

insult would be repeatedly saying do you have any friends or getting derogatory posts deleted

Paraphrasing and summarising what the op has said, that’s not insulting

‘Paraphrasing’ huh? Interesting.

They didn't say you do not have any friends, they asked you if you have any.

Calling someone it should have been me and whiny is insulting.

I'd have thought by your attitude on here you would have the hide of a rhino quite frankly

hello there
popped on in for a bicker? Didn’t think all this bickering was your thing

“They didn’t say” are you actually here to enact someone else gripe, in their absence
How interesting

Oh but I thought that was ‘demeaning?’ You’re absolutely correct and I will leave you in delightful peace.

You need to take someone else on the trip or go alone. Pay her back her money.

Yes I am correct.As you say
i was surprised you posted given you deemed it to be bickering

Awful behaviour, and not that of a genuine friend.

Some poster saying angrily it's fine in garbled fashion close to 150 times does not change this.

That was a really shitty thing to do. I’d struggle to be around her tbh.

The thing is, details aside, she's done something that you feel is wrong. This thread shows that generally most people would feel the same way.

So you have to decide whether it's a deal breaker. I found this underhand and sneaky and personally I'd struggle to see my friend the same and trust her.

Yes lesson learned that you keep things close to your chest etc. but it's disappointing to be given this lesson by a best friend.

Take some time to think about how you want to handle it going forward. If you feel you can have a proper conversation about it then do that. Hearing what she has to say might make you feel better. It may be the last straw and that's that. But at least it's not festering and making you feel bad over and over.

I’m afraid majority mn opinion is not in itself indicative of anything other than the posters who post
My opinion remains the same, the friend has done nothing wrong , the job was open to any candidate.
No one is compelled to stand aside for anyone else, to acquiesce to their wishes, forgoing your own individual preferences
There is no code, no pinky promises that can compel one to suspend your own wishes for someone else.
if a particular group operate an informal set of norms and habits regard friendship that’s their choice, it is not a social norm for everyone else.

Tumbleweed…

Agree @whereeverilaymycat

It's not obvious that she was the better candidate. The people interviewing her can only go by what's in front of them. It's often the way that the better candidate does not get the job.

I agree. And then to present it as interview as faux concern? I'm really surprised the interviewers didn't immediately write her off and would be thinking twice about taking up any job offers in the future from them.

Totally – if letting them know her friend “really needed the job” was truly motivated by increasing her friend’s chances, what was she doing there in the first place 🤔🥴

It’s so obviously disingenuous

Ok, op came back. I imagine friend didn’t tell you because she correctly anticipated and knew you’d over react @Champagnesupamother . I’m afraid you are massively overstating this, and you’ve unnecessarily demonised your friend. I see you feel that a friendship which included time & love means your friend should not have applied (and got) the job. So is there a score card totted up, x years of friendship means submit to your demand?

Human nature to be peed off in this situation. I’m sorry that you have had such a disappointment. Is this typical behaviour from your ‘friend’ ? I’d be tempted to stay where you are and keep looking. I think she has done an awful thing. What does she say about it?

Cancel the weekend. Why should you put yourself more pain? Don’t worry at all about what she or anyone else thinks about you cancelling. Look after yourself.

I think your friend was out of order applying for the same job, just because you shared your news of the job ? What did you say when she said she was going to apply .

I would be pissed ! I think no friend would do that !

I feel like you're asking if YBU for having FEELINGS - and the answer is obviously no.
You are allowed to feel hurt, annoyed, disappointed, like you've been stabbed in the back... all those feelings are totally valid and allowed.

I feel like you know that it's better if you separate feelings from actions, though - you have no plans to sabotage your friend or spread nasty rumours or anything, which would obviously not be good. After all, the company said they might have a position for you next year (which is only 4 months away), and just in case that isn't nonsense, keep your behaviour professional so you don't accidentally blow an opportunity.

And perhaps don't trust your 'friend' in future. You can still hang out sometimes or whatever... but you don't have to trust her with personal info or confidences or whatever.

Good luck with your upcoming holiday with the friend. If she starts gushing about the new job too much, feel free to ask her to stop - you really don't want to hear about that whilst you're processing your disappointment, and there are millions of other topics you can converse about.

OOFT, that's a real kick in the nuts. I'd struggle to continue with that friendship if it were me - the trust would be gone surely 🤷