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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

753 replies

Champagnesupamother · 17/09/2022 08:46

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 17/09/2022 21:22

Goodness, it’s all just going right over your head

Oh dear - another personal insult, trying to make out that @Zone2NorthLondon somehow lacks the intelligence to understand such a deep and complex topic as this, in place of an actual sensible and coherent argument. For what it's worth, I think she has made some excellent and very insightful points, and I fully understand what she is (very coherently!) saying. I don't think anything whatsoever has 'gone over her head' - she simply doesn't agree with you, and you don't like that, so you're resorting to insults.

surreygirl1987 · 17/09/2022 21:23

OMG just dipped back into MN 9 hours later and Xone 2 is still arguing with everyone 😂 The OP will definitely move on from this before Zone does

I think the OP left a long time ago, don't you think? People keep tagging Zone2 so she therefore keeps replying... would you prefer her to stay silent and not?

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 21:25

@okytdvhuoo good job we have you there to summarise and cut straight to it

SirChenjins · 17/09/2022 21:25

Are you genuinely not getting the fact that this is not about not applying for the same job as your best friend?

Whilst I’m sure the views of your your sample size of one is interesting to you it’s really not relevant to what happened to the OP - so really no need to be concerned for womankind.

SirChenjins · 17/09/2022 21:30

surreygirl1987 · 17/09/2022 21:22

Goodness, it’s all just going right over your head

Oh dear - another personal insult, trying to make out that @Zone2NorthLondon somehow lacks the intelligence to understand such a deep and complex topic as this, in place of an actual sensible and coherent argument. For what it's worth, I think she has made some excellent and very insightful points, and I fully understand what she is (very coherently!) saying. I don't think anything whatsoever has 'gone over her head' - she simply doesn't agree with you, and you don't like that, so you're resorting to insults.

Disagreeing is one thing - being unable to grasp that this is not simply about two friends going for the same job is quite another.

okytdvhuoo · 17/09/2022 21:31

surreygirl1987 · 17/09/2022 21:23

OMG just dipped back into MN 9 hours later and Xone 2 is still arguing with everyone 😂 The OP will definitely move on from this before Zone does

I think the OP left a long time ago, don't you think? People keep tagging Zone2 so she therefore keeps replying... would you prefer her to stay silent and not?

No idea, haven’t been following the thread since about half one. At that point zone was directly replying to and arguing with every person who replied to the OP 🤷🏻

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 21:32

And your point is what @okytdvhuoo

TwoSheetstothewind56 · 17/09/2022 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 17/09/2022 21:37

surreygirl1987 · 17/09/2022 21:03

Then you get our point then, as ops friend did sabotage ops interview. She made her look weak and not reliable. If you agree that that is wrong, then you also agree that what the friend did was wrong.

Yes of course I get your point. I'm not 'stupid' as one poster so cleverly called me. However, I do wonder how exactly the friend make the OP look 'weak and unreliable'. Have I missed a post? I can't really be bothered to go back through all the posts tet again, but maybe you can quote the bit where the OP's friend made her look weak and reliable for me? Genuinely curious. All I saw was that apparently a vague, unquantifed and undefined 'everyone' said that the friend was 'raving' about the OP and allegedly said she 'needed' the job, but that the OP hadn't even had her interview by then, and the OP wasn't even sure that this was said in interview (she doesn't sound even sure about all that at all, actually!). If you can quote the friend definitely calling her weak and reliable in an attempt to sabotage her, then of course I will agree that the friend behaved badly and the OP is not unreasonable to be angry. I did not see this in the thread, however...

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

Would you go into an interview and say for much of it how your friend needed a job, how great they are? It makes op look like she's that desperate for a job she sends someone in first to fight her battles, and also that maybe she isn't a good fit if she's desperate to get away from her previous job. No one does that, except mums desperate to get their kids a job and that rarely works out well... Ops friend acted like those mums in this situation.

Would you say that's normal behaviour?

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yes you’re right, there I/ we are, rumbled. Cart me/us off to the mn gaol
a dark dank cell is all I/we deserve
no visitors mind…..seeing I/we don’t have any friends

Pipsquiggle · 17/09/2022 21:42

Blimey!

All I want to know is would @surreygirl1987 and @Zone2NorthLondon treat their best friends the same way as this woman has treated OP.

TwoSheetstothewind56 · 17/09/2022 21:44

Knew it!

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 21:44

I would never Be in such a convoluted fraught drama nor would my friends
I would seek permission to apply for a job,they wouldn’t expect me to stand aside for them

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 21:45

I would never Be in such a convoluted fraught drama nor would my friends

I would not seek permission to apply for a job,they wouldn’t expect me to stand aside for them

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 21:46

Do you take bookings @TwoSheetstothewind56 thats uncanny. What’s the lottery numbers?
do you do weddings, bar mitzvah?

TwoSheetstothewind56 · 17/09/2022 21:48

I wouldn’t tell you, you might jump in and steal it first

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 21:49

whats that? No sorry I can’t seem to get the point @TwoSheetstothewind56
whoosh

SirChenjins · 17/09/2022 21:51

TwoSheetstothewind56 · 17/09/2022 21:48

I wouldn’t tell you, you might jump in and steal it first

😂😂

namechangetheworld · 17/09/2022 21:52

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/09/2022 19:07

"She ended up interviewing before me"

That means they prioritised her above you. Says all you need to know. Stop being so bitter.

Honestly, this, combined with the fact they cut the OP's interview short (!) says so much. She wasn't getting that job, regardless of whether her friend applied or not.

And no, I don't think the friend did anything wrong.

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 21:57

The friend had a good interview she got appointed,op it was a bit flat and they ended it early
the friend has done well

TwoSheetstothewind56 · 17/09/2022 21:58

Where has @surreygirl1987 gone @Zone2NorthLondon

🤔🤣🤣🤣

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 22:01

Oh don’t you fret there I and we are still here
good job we have you conspiracy theorists to catch all us/we bad uns and just proclaim it loudly too

TwoSheetstothewind56 · 17/09/2022 22:07

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 22:01

Oh don’t you fret there I and we are still here
good job we have you conspiracy theorists to catch all us/we bad uns and just proclaim it loudly too

Proclaim it loudly too?

BadNomad · 17/09/2022 22:12

They didn't "end" the interview early. It just didn't take the full time slot allocated because it wasn't necessary. Nothing to do with the OP being "flat". The friend's only ran over because she was having a good old chinwag about things that weren't relevant (like how amazing her friend is and how desperate she is for the job).

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/09/2022 22:12

Come to think of it are you @SirChenjins and @TokidokiBarbie all the same person
oh pass it on….