To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

@WhoWants2Know you said it best 💯

The sabotage was when she used her friend in the interview to make herself look good and her friend look like a desperate charity case.

@Zone2NorthLondon @surreygirl1987

Why do you refuse to answer the point and my previous questions? Genuinely do you have any friends?

If your best friend told you about a job she'd applied for, that you previously didn't know about and that you subsequently applied for the same position, would you do her the courtesy and tell her what you had done?

This is not a peer or a uni mate. This is your best friend, who knows you've had a shit time career wise for 3 years.
This is not about 'asking permission.' This is not about being 'obliged' to tell someone of your application. This is about treating your best friend with respect.

I bet @Zone2NorthLondon and @surreygirl1987 don't answer my question because they will never get this is not how to treat your best friend.

@Pipsquiggle why have you resorted to making personal attacks? Is that you being provocative? It’s a lame approach and detracts from your post
I refer you to my multiple posts, I will apply for any post i wish and I won’t seek permission or run it past a friend who is also applying. I don’t need anyone permission to apply for a job. Ever. East

Zone2/Surreygirl

So, if your friend introduces you to a guy she likes who she's been on one date with, would you happily meet up with him and not tell her if it seemed he thought you were a better choice?

I mean, you're not obliged to curtail your lovelife for anybody else and you don't believe in 'the code'.

(betting this question will be ignored).

@Zone2NorthLondon but you keep spectacularly missing the point0 the friend talked anout OP in the interview to make her look shit. It's not just applying for the same job, it's sabotaging another candidate in order to make yourself look better. But I can see you may be the sort of person who would have done it yourself and felt great about it so I udnerstand why you defend the friend (OP's friend, is that you lol).

I would just leave it now with these two. They know deep down they are wrong, but it's not easy to admit that. I'd guess they hadn't read the posts by op properly and just said it's fine to apply for the same job as a friend. But that's not the point most other people have made, the friend sabotaged the op and that is beyond despicable. Basically because she knew she wouldn't get it otherwise, she had no chance against ops work history. They both know that is true, but admitting it is another thing.

@TokidokiBarbie you have already had two posts with personal attacks to me deleted. Don’t keep going with it made up scenarios

@Zone2NorthLondon

For the 4th time this is NOT about 'seeking permission' and not being 'obliged' to tell 'someone' of a job application

This is about how people CHOOSE to treat and communicate with their BEST FRIENDS - do you understand this?

BTW you still haven't answered my questions - do you have any friends? Is this how you would treat your best friend?

As I said, you’re digressing off into insults to deflect from your v silly posts @Pipsquiggle

It seems to me that you're using this as a deflection to avoid replying. 🤔

Christ, you're on one, @Zone2NorthLondon ...

You have ran out of rational response and have veered off into yea so what if territory
you have had two posts deleted for veering off topic and becoming abusive and you’re making up more what if scenario @TokidokiBarbie

hello and welcome to you too

@Zone2NorthLondon
Oh my dear zone 2, genuinely these are questions. It's curious that you take them as insults.

I ask if you have friends as you seem not to realise that friendship is a different relationship to peers /colleagues - usually based on deeper trust and respect.

I ask whether you would treat your best friend in the same way as you show little to no empathy to OP and what her 'best friend' did to her.

The only person bringing up 'permission' and 'obligation' is you.

I’m so sorry but maybe next time keep such an opportunity for yourself.

Absolutely nothing silly about @Pipsquiggle’s posts. Yours, on the other hand, are a jumble of side stepping that would put the professionals on Strictly to shame, endless deflections and evasiveness as you continue to miss the point (wilfully or otherwise - who knows).

@Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver

the "friend" didn't tell the OP what they'd done until they were "outed" by someone else. That was a betrayal of trust and friendship.

I do not agree. The friend was not obliged to divulge what jobs she has applied for, any more than the OP was.

She obviously realised it was a bit awkward and so was hardly rushing to broadcast her news.

While I greatly sympathise with OP, applying for a job which has been advertised on the open market is in no way a "betrayal" of anything.

If you mean I decline to engage in made up scenarios that add nothing but are introduced as a diversion to veer off in a predetermined way.Yes
If you mean I correctly identified the false rebuke missing the point as meaning I don’t agree with you and others Yes
I await a barbed response

They both know that is true, but admitting it is another thing.

Ha, that's quite an assumption! You are wrong. The OP asked AIBU and I believe that yes, she IS being unreasonable. You disagree with me - that's fine. You do seem to be getting very worked up about people disagreeing with you and seem to be assuming that nobody can possible REALLY disagree - I must just be pretending, and struggling to admit that you're right?!

People disagree. That is okay. I have my opinions on this matter, you have yours. But for you to claim that I secretly agree with you is incredibly arrogant!

While I greatly sympathise with OP, applying for a job which has been advertised on the open market is in no way a "betrayal" of anything.

I fully agree with you, @newsaint

No to both. .

Which parts of the OP are you struggling with and I’ll help you understand, as you really don’t appear to have grasped the difference between your interpretation of the OP and the actual OP. That lack of comprehension is what’s causing your confusion and inability to answer the very simple questions that you’ve been asked.

Betrayal is not the act of applying for a job that’s openly advertised for all and has a recruitment agent on board.
The op has somehow thought her preference and wishes should be paramount to extent her friend shouldn’t apply. Op wrongly presumed the job was hers to take and assumed her friend would passively step back for her
Of course the friend was circumspect she knew op would over react,and she has.

Whoosh

*So, if your friend introduces you to a guy she likes who she's been on one date with, would you happily meet up with him and not tell her if it seemed he thought you were a better choice?

I mean, you're not obliged to curtail your lovelife for anybody else and you don't believe in 'the code*

What a weird question. Do you actually think they are the same thing? Applying for jobs is not the same as dating. It is also not the same as buying a house, another bizarre comparison that a previous poster made. We are talking about careers here - not love-lives, not property, not anything else. They are entirely different scenarios. Here we are talking about a job, which had at least two applicants, both went for interview, one was successful, the other was rejected. This is in no way like dating somebody that somebody else is already dating... I'm sure you can see that.