To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

Actually that was me. Another mistake made by you, you do like making them don't you? 😊

You guys can have your opinion, doesn't mean it's right. You're just looking silly really to continue defending a person who made so many errors of judgement and deliberately set out to ruins a friend's chance, when you don't even know them. It's very odd.

It's one thing to go against your friend for a job, that's not a problem so much although odd to not say anything. But to deliberately ruin your friends chances? If you both do that to friends in interviews, it's a wonder you have friends.

Whatever the friend said,it clearly hit the right note.She got the job
limited value in going over it now. Op need to refocus and stop with the but it was my dream job. Disappointed, fair enough. Now shuffle the playlist, move on

@Zone2NorthLondon @surreygirl1987 would you not tell your best friend that you were also applying for the same job that you only knew about because she told you?

I am not talking about uni mates, peers, old colleagues in the same sector. I am specifically talking about your best friend who you know has had a shitty time at work for multiple years.

Totally - it completely undermines the OP, makes her look desperate for a job and seem beta in the dynamic with her friend. It subtly makes the friend look higher up in the pecking order (and more like an equal) and the OP like a bit of a charity case. It’s very sneaky and sly.

No, no mistake made
@TokidokiBarbie 13.43 post deleted, I reported the personal attack
As you were

I've sat on interview panels and we do not discuss other applicants in interviews, it is totally unprofessional. As for the recruitment consultant telling you that is against GDPR I would be complaining to the agency they work for.

"I told my best friend" - so she obviously wasn't aware of the position until you spoke to her about it. No 'friend' of mine would ever do this. YANBU to be fuming.

Am I going to seek my friend,or indeed best friend permission to apply for a job. NO
I've repeatedly said I won’t seek friend permission, nor do I expect a friend to do so
Embellish the scenario with any amount of variables and I still won’t seek permission to apply for a post at same as a friend.
There is no compulsion to do so and I won’t. Nor do I impose made up rules on others

Presumably though you would tell her you’d applied if she highlighted the job to you and told you she’d applied, and wouldn’t speak about her in the interview in the same way the OP’s friend did.

You're just being deliberately obtuse. Of course it's underhand to apply for a job in the specific circumstances outlined in the OP. We're not talking generally, here. If you can't see that, I despair.

What imaginary scenario are we plotting now regard my friends their dreadful circumstances and a job? It’s

Imaginary scenario?

I've only read the OP's posts, including the one she's had withdrawn, which described the job and her skill set, as well as the (completely unsuitable) skill set of the "friend". OP, look at this as dodging a bullet. They are a start up, and, as whoever interviewed your friend seems to have been won over by her personality rather than her actual experience for the job, they may find themselves in trouble very quickly. It's possible your friend lied about her skills, but again, that doesn't look good on the company and their ability to do background checks (particularly important in your industry). Whatever you do, DO NOT get sucked into helping your friend out once she realises just how out of her depth she is.

And make her an ex friend, she sounds like a complete snake. I would simply not be going away with her next week; or at least doing my best to make sure I didn't spend any time in her company.

People aren't suggesting that the friend should have sought permission. They are suggesting that she shouldn't have applied for the job in the first place given that she wouldn't have known about it if OP hadn't told her. The fact that she used the information OP gave her, didn't bother to tell her, and talked about her at the interview makes it even worse. That's not something a friend does and if you have done that sort of thing to someone in the past, they probably don't think much of you either as evidenced by the majority of posts on this thread.

Ah right so what you're saying is you would happily sabotage a friend to get a job. Fair enough, odd to admit that, but if that's your stance go ahead. As I say, surprised you have friends.

A very inaccurate summation, to support your own posts and pov
Do you often make mistakes or was that an intentional manoeuvre?

As I said earlier, I have interviewed against many friends over the years as I work in a niche area. At no point have I attempted to sabotage my friends’ candidacies by shit-talking about them to the hiring manager, or spent my interview time explaining how my friend just outside was absolutely desperate for a job, any job, because her career was on the skids. If you can’t see what is wrong with that, I don’t know what to say to you.

That isn’t “not stepping aside for a friend”, it is actively backstabbing them, and no I wouldn’t have any time for anyone who had done that to me (and luckily in my area, behaviour like that would quickly get you blacklisted - nobody wants to work with a dickhead).

So would you behave in exactly the same way as the OP’s friend or not?

Intentional, so that you might FINALLY get the point everyone has made for numerous pages.

Did you understand now, or do I need to get crayons?

Is your new tactic to be rude to elicit a response? That’s basic

You are calling someone else basic? 😂

Are you like this in real life, if anyone has temerity to disagree do you launch a personal attack?
It is not a war of attrition I’m not going to change my pov because you’re rude and or tenac

It is not a war of attrition I’m not going to change my pov because you’re rude and or tenacious

But would you behave exactly as the OP’s friend did?

Another scenario of yea but ,no but, confected for what reason?
I refer you to my previous posts you know what I think