To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

Op on the day at interview you were not appointed. That’s simple how it is
Stop all the handwringing and conspiratorial she did, shoulda woulda, refocus on yourself

They said she was more qualified, but she isn't? Did she embellish her CV?

@Zone2NorthLondon
"You're expecting adult adherence to a made up set of BFF rules. That is simply silly
Adults can and do pursue their own needs,ambitions without seeking permission or being deferential and subservient to their friends"

This ^^

I experienced a similar situation.

Two of us applied for a promotion - the other girl was a friend of mine.

On the morning of the interview she rang me and asked if I could give her a lift as her car wouldn't start. I took her to the interview and she got the job.

That meant she was my boss. I didn't have a problem with that.

I polished up my CV and made plans to apply for jobs elsewhere.

18 months later she died😢the job was re-advertised.

One of the people from the interviewing panel asked if I was going to apply for the job. I told them straight that if I wasn't good enough for them last time why would I be good enough now? I also said I didn't want to step into 'dead men's shoes'.

I applied for a better job elsewhere and got it.

Don't sweat the small stuff OP, you just don't know what's around the corner.

Look elsewhere.

I'm afraid I can't advise you about the w/e, that your baby !

She is a mean person. Have nothing more to do with her. Some friend.

FFS. Again, missing the point. Do you not understand the principle of trust? I wouldn't necessarily randomly tell a friend of mine if I were applying for a job they might apply to themselves, but if I had told a friend of mine I was applying for my ideal job and what it was and they hadn't known about it and then applied for it without telling me what they were doing, I would have serious issues with them. It's nothing to do with the playground, it's to do with trust.

Shes out of order.

I once applied for a job and a friend told me she was applying, I immediately said “Good Luck, it looks a great role, just to be honest I saw it the other day and applied too” and that was fine. I knew he’d get it and he did - because I’d was better qualified.

your situation is so different though, she literally only applied because you told her, so so out of order!

My best friend did this to me many years ago knowing I desperately needed the extra income (I was single and often reliant on food banks whereas she was in a two-income home). I didn’t know she was going for it until she walked into the bloody waiting room while I was waiting for my interview. It was the beginning of the end of our friendship.

Odd that nobody seems to agree with you. 🤔

To me it's like a 'friend' going for a guy she knows you like. No one has the right to a guy or a job - but it's just not nice and not something that friends do, unless an honest conversation is had first.

I would just ignore @Zone2NorthLondon and @surreygirl1987. Both have spectacularly missed many points on this thread, it's actually funny. 😂

1. Ops friend isn't even qualified, by quite a margin. It would be like me applying for a job as a surgeon, sure I'd love to try and be enthusiastic, but everyone on the table would die. It's just stupid.

1. Ops friend then put down op in the interview in an indirect way. Calling her desperate for a job, god knows what else she said. She deliberately set out to make herself seen way more mature and qualified than op. She set out to put op down indirectly, using language to seem a nice person, but very obviously isn't.

1. On that point, she must have also lied to get the job, as she can't do it.

Now if those are 'skills' and 'experience' that anyone finds acceptable, then that says a lot about you and none of it is good. Ops friend is going to sink hard in this job and she's likely to take the company down with her. More fool them quite frankly for missing all the red flags/banners waving on this woman and her CV. 😂

FFS. Again, missing the point. Do you not understand the principle of trust?

Nope not missing the point at all. I disagree with the point you are making. Of course I understand trust... do you understand the point I'M making though?

I would want to keep in with the 'friend' just to see how it all pans out.

Personally, I think you've dodged a bullet with the startup and unprofessional recruitment agent. Years ago, I tried to get a friend a job at the same place I worked at, apparently, she just kept mentioning my name when asked why she'd applied, she did not get the job. I remember Mum at the time said it wouldn't have come across professional or appropriate and now I get it.

I remember when I trained a new starter on reception, we became firm friends and they went off to become head receptionist quicker than me, I was upset I remember Dad speaking to me and saying to take the attitude that I should be happy for the friend, 6 months later they were telling me how truly awful the hotel was to work for.

((So true is you never know what is around the corner.))

She is not a friend. With friends like her, who needs enemies? I would try to think up an excuse as to get out of this weekend with her and then put ice on this friendship. What she has done is inexcusable and she cannot be trusted. I'm sorry OP.

I am presuming your points are: Dog eat dog, self before friendship, no loyalties to anyone but yourself? None of which apply in terms of the OP's actual dilemma. It's got sod all to do with friendship and fair competition and everything to do with unjustifiable underhandedness, which you seem intent on justifying.

It’s a dog eat dog world unfortunately 🤷‍♀️ I agree it sucks and definitely leaves a bitter taste, however, it was never ‘your job’. The company have said they should be able to take you on next year so either do that or find something better and find a new friend

Yes, I wouldn’t bother explaining anything to her or communicating how you feel – you can bet it will be used against you and to misrepresent you to others. It will also be an ego boost for her. I’d just move on and withdraw quietly from the friendship.

Easy to say here of course - it’s not nice to lose a friend and you must feel so gutted to be reconsidering what you thought was a good friendship.

Another job will come along – hope you find something suitable soon OP. 💐

True, it was never her job. However, to generally need to realise that if you do behind your friend's back and nab the job/boyfriend etc they were just enthusiastically telling you about....well, they'll understandably exercise their right to bin you as a mate.

I think it's just selfishness. Friend was hoping she could get job and OP would just accept it. Best of both worlds.

I had a smaller but similar situation with a colleague. Had mentored him and generally got on well. However, we have an unspoken rule at work of 'first come, first loaded'. What he kept doing was turning up five mins after me and then nabbing the spot whilst I was still securing gate/opening plant etc and then making me wait half hour while he loaded despite me technically having been there first.

Plant would load him as he 'wasn't doing anything wrong officially', although he knew he was being cheeky and we all generally refrained from what was seen as jumping the queue.

I just played the fucker at his own game, in the end. I have access to the GPS tracking portal so I'd just park up round the corner for 5-10 mins and wait for him, making sure I was 1-2 mins behind him. Every single day.

I'd ensure he was just opening the gate and I'd drive straight on through with a cheery wave and straight onto the loading bay, leaving him wrestling him the gate/heavy chains etc and having to then wait 40 mins for me to load before he could start. I'd be at my first job before he even left the plant. Every single day.

Funnily enough, he changed his view and started moaning about it after a few weeks of waiting behind me every day despite having been there first opening up. He now agrees that it's first onsite, first loaded. 😂

Odd that nobody seems to agree with you. 🤔

Erm I take it I'm nobody then!

You could be right.

And that’s hilarious 😄

I am presuming your points are: Dog eat dog, self before friendship, no loyalties to anyone but yourself? None of which apply in terms of the OP's actual dilemma. It's got sod all to do with friendship and fair competition and everything to do with unjustifiable underhandedness, which you seem intent on justifying.

Erm no. I don't think applying for a job is underhand, that's the thing. But yes I would certainly apply for my dream job regardless of how my friend felt about it. If she was actually a friend she wouldn't act bitter and jealous over it if I was the preferred candidate!

You already had a post deleted for making a personal attack@TokidokiBarbie now you’re instructing others to ignore me and @surreygirl1987
i think you’ll find it’s permissible for @surreygirl1987 and i to hold & express a pov without resorting to instructing others to ignore your posts. How very curious that you’ve resorted to such tactics

There's something so two-faced about sitting saying "my friend is so amazing, she really needs this job" in an interview for that job. I can't get my head around it.

If you’re

Start again. If you’re determined to apply for your dream job (nothing in the OP which suggests this was her friend’s dream job), you don’t tell your friend you’re applying after she’s shared the fact the she has, and you behave in the same way as this friend during the interview then you’re simply not a friend worth having.