To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

I would be very hurt if a friend did this to me. I’m so sorry. As someone who has had to interview several people over the years I can tell you that there are some people who really do well in interviews but are terrible at the job. Not saying this will happen with your friend but if she has over egged her CV it might come back to haunt her.

it happened several times at our company. Flawless interview, engaged and friendly. They come to do the job and they’re terrible. One girl I fought to employ was unliked by the other interviewer because she was shy and rarely looked us in the eye. Her work was almost perfect and she ended up being promoted into a different department because she was so good.

I hope it works out well for you OP. It seems very unfair.

and that I’m going to have to feign that I’m happy for her. When I’m just so envious.

Why on earth would you feign happiness? Be honest.

Don’t know which is worse:

Her applying for the job you told her you would love.

Her not telling you.

Her getting the job.

Her going on about you in her interview.

Her saying you desperately needed the job.

Them telling you she went on about you in the interview.

Them giving her the job even though she doesn’t have the qualifications.

You having to go on holiday with her.

It’s quite the shit show basically.

Apologies, I’ve just reread and was told that she didn’t tell you. BUT there’s a lot of weird stuff in this. Why did a recruiter tell you she had applied? That’s not okay. Why did she discuss you in her interview? That’s weird and not okay. I’d walk away from the friendship and the company, it’s all very strange.

Honestly, the combination of applying for the job behind your back, discussing you with the recruiter, and discussing you with the interview panel knowing you are sitting outside waiting to go in next, is just incredibly sly.

And the recruiter told you about it.
They don't sound too good either. I think you may have dodged a bullet, there.

Nothing wrong her applying for the job after you had told her about it but she should have mentioned it to you before she did so. It's the sneakiness that would have upset me rather than her actually applying for the position.

This is a better way of saying what I said!

I’d be out of there, it’s all weird and messy. Not normal at all. Don’t work for this company, I reckon it won’t last.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…
How very peculiar . She sounds like a Grade A bitch. Why were they even entertaining her sitting there talking about you during the interview?
It sounds utterly bizarre.

And meanwhile in real life not the mn emporium of manners meets coulda and woulda, friends and colleagues compete for the same jobs
with no drama, no gripesbecause they are adults

I'd be more than grumpy!

That's a very underhand thing to do. I get that jobs are available for all and if she'd found it and then applied without knowing that would be totally different.

If she applied on the back of you telling her deliberately putting herself against you; I don't think that's ok. Especially when she knows you are looking forward to the job and moving somewhere new. That's really sly.

I wouldn't be able to continue being friends with someone who did this to me.

Not true.

Ever heard the phrase "bros before ho's" or the 'guy code' thing.

It refers to not fucking your mate's ex, which is similar to going for a job they want behind their back. Men don't backstab each other as much as we do. They may compete but it's usually done in an acknowledged way and not in a sneaky way.

Of course some guys are cunts and don't do this, but it's wrong to say men would objectively do it.

You’ve learned a hard lesson not to tell anyone about job interviews while they could still potentially apply. Unfortunately it’s too late for this time.

I know people will say she’s entitled to apply for any job she likes but if she only knew about the job because of you it’s sneaky. I can remember this happening to my siblings while I was younger and it’s awful.

My friend works in the collections department at a mortgage lender.
The two skill sets are not the same nor are they comparable.

Tell your 'friend' this, Champagnesupamother. She will learn - and it sounds as if she will no longer have a good friend to vent to about it.

I wouldn't cancel this weekend but I would tell her that you will be doing your own thing. I don't see why you should lose out on a nice break because of her. If you're flying, can you move your seat? No need to tell her, let realisation dawn. She sounds horrible.

Sorry for your double-whammy of losses, the job you wanted (and were qualified to do) and your supposed friend who has shown her true colours.

She is no friend of yours. But in all honesty this is ehy you never discuss your business with anyone.

There's no way she'll be able to do that job then.

Collections vs underwriting are very different

Are you in all seriousness trying to use bro before ho and guy code as a guide to behaviour?
A cliched catchphrase it’s hardly a template for good behaviour
And I think girl code is nonsensical too, and I most certainly don’t operate by it

No way would I go away next weekend with her!

And I imagine no way she wants to go away with a petty jealous so called pal

I can't work out if this is supportive of the OP or is this Katharine Birbalsingh's user name.

I would have lost it at the point I found out she was applying, not the point she got it. Totally unacceptable

I can't believe anyone thinks this is ok!
What a bitch.
Sorry but I wouldn't go away.

It's a crude acknowledgement that male courtesy leans towards not fucking each other over, even when it's possible.

As demonstrated by your admissions, many women don't seem to worry about it. It's probs why repeated studies show that women don't collaborate as well as men and prefer male bosses over being led by another woman.

You actually think it could in any way be supportive? It's just a goady, nasty sort of post from somebody who does that sort of thing.

You’d lose it? Well that’s certainly a way of demonstrating your umm feelings
and making yourself look unreasonable