To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

@surreygirl1987 she didnt win it fair and square, she was portraying OP in bad light to the recruiter and potentially the prospective employer- we may safely assume this. She was sly about applying behind OPs back having a lot of background on her.
If I speel with your partner/husband, while at the same time listening to you and your tales of marital problems and then eploit that to get to him, and pretending I'm your best mate at the same time, will this also be fair and square?

Your friend was a better candidate and you’re angry & jealous with a dash of disappointment
It is how it goes, and you need to accept that on this occasion you were not appointed and you try again
it was NOT your job she did Not steal it (jobs can’t be stolen) she was simply the better candidate on the day
All of the replies stating that’s not what a friend etc would do are misguided and stupid. You don’t need platitudes and there there never mind you need to get better at interviews. Don’t hold onto I’ll feeling about this

No one inc a friend can be expected to forgo a job for you,that’s not how it goes

Similar happened to me years ago. Told a friend about a job I applied for. Saw her at the interview day! Luckily I got the job. Lesson learned, never tell anyone you're applying for a job.

It was a bit shitty to apply for the same job and its weird to mention other candidates in interview. I think if I was in your shoes I'd at least want to keep my distance for a bit

I can understand your feelings. And I can imagine I would feel similar to you in the same situation.

However, they thought she was a better candidate for the role. Of course you can disagree, but they will have her employment history and still thought she was the best candidate.

Keep looking - this wasn't the job for you

Ruthless, backstabbing, disloyal, self serving and untrustworthy not friend material

I wonder if the respondents agreeing with OP have ever actually applied for a professional career progression role
In such cases yup friends and colleagues will compete against each other for one role
No one is sentimental or daft enough to think friends don’t go for the same role
and no one would expect a friend to forgo a role as a gesture

Some people would trample over their own granny to get ahead

Utter sentimental rot
friendship has no role in applying for and getting jobs
incidentally it’s not a stance men would, take, they’d simply see it as process and Competition for a role

You think ? Why not be upfront about it then if its so acceptable ?

This is what you should do.
Your ""friend"" is a bitch.

I'd cut her off for ever.

Lol no grannies are trampled but yes I have applied for same post as a good friend
I got the post friendship remains in tact, we both knew we were applying and it was not a problem. We are realistic and adult, it’s not a giving things up competition
No I wouldn’t dream of standing aside for a friend with regard to a role and not would I expect it
The posts I am referring to are already competitive and come up rarely so everyone understands you put yourself forward and prepare for the interview

OP, There is zero margin for errors in underwriting as you know.

Unlike the area she has been working in.

As another poster wrote, the interviewing panel must not have a breeze as to what is actually involved, OR they are offering her a different position.

You need to put distance between you, because she is just the type of sly CF to start asking for help and advice on this new job, that she doesn't know anything about.

Your friend didn’t tell you op because she knows you’d react badly…boom! Like you’re doing now

Difference is you both knew each other was applying that's not the case here

She’s not a friend to you.

I had a similar situation recently and I was pissed off, still am a bit to be fair. It’s an understandable natural reaction feeling to the situation. Hang on in there OP obviously something bigger and better is destined for you. ❤️

That was to Zone2

Well I wouldn’t be helping her when she phones you asking to help her as she can’t do the job.

the friend has correctly assessed that op would react badly, and friend under no obligation to consider op preferences or wishes. Conversely op should not have realistically expected a friend to forgo an opportunity to put the op in an advantageous position.
if you continue to hold a gripe perhaps it is best you don’t see your friend op, she’s done nothing wrong. It is you who is stuck

It is quite possible that the interviewer isn’t an expert in the area - start ups are quite hit and miss. It may be that they’ll be a bit of a horror to work for. That the interviewer let her interview go over and then spent less on yours is a really bad sign. Chances are they have really poor boundaries.

Friends are meant to make you feel good about yourself. This friend isn’t going to do that - either she’ll be bragging g or being so damn apologetic that it will make you feel like shit. Cancel the weekend - say that you’re completely devastated that you didn’t get the job and need to job hunt. Then step replying to her for a bit.

This doesn’t make sense at all then - why have they given it to her?
Maybe she was ‘cheaper’ than you and was prepared to do the role for less? This happens sometimes.
I don’t think all is as it seems especially as they were talking about hiring you too in a year.

Have you asked your “friend” what the hell she was playing at? Completely out of order. I would definitely not be going away with her. Sorry but she is not a good friend to you.

No sorry that's a cop out, assessed she would react badly I dont think so, she never had any intention if telling her. She knew she was in the wrong and chose to not say anything. That's just underhand. No two ways about it.

That's fine if you apply and you both know the score but no not the way this has been handled it's wrong. That's my opinion and of course you are entitled to yours.

Just a comment about why she may have been given the job, sometimes managers/companies don’t want someone too polished. They want to be able to mould someone. You may have had more experience but maybe they were looking for someone to train in ‘their way’.

Don’t feel too despondent about not getting the jobs, more jobs will come along. But you need to consider the friendship. Did she fully discuss applying for the job before she did? Did you say whether you minded or not?