OH won't move because he has to travel a bit further

[ChickpeaStew23]

AIBU - I’ve wanted to live in the countryside (Devon / Cornwall ideally) and run a self catering cottage/s for as long as I can remember. I’ve always dreamt of bringing my children up in a more rural way of life, and having my horses in the garden. I’m financially able to now do this (inheritance, sadly), and either buy somewhere with said business, or somewhere smaller where I would no longer need to work, and OH could work less. This is of course area dependent - some places are waaay out of our price range to be able to do that. However, he is now unwilling to move because the area means he has to travel further to do his hobby, which is something he does once a week. Currently he often travels up to 2.5 hours to do this. The area I’m looking in would turn this into 3 / 3.5. To be clear, there is absolutely no other reason he doesn’t want to move (work, family etc) and has said he is up for moving as there is nothing keeping us here. Places which are closer to his hobby, would mean a more expensive house and not a total lifestyle change as both of us would need to keep our jobs. AIBU to think that he is being unreasonable for not compromising on 1 - 2 hours of extra travel there and back once a week? A cheaper house would mean we could live mortgage free and we’re in our early 30s (we live in a very expensive area currently). We could also potentially buy a property to let too, so we would be financially secure. I understand that I want my hobby in the garden so why should that take priority over his hobby, and I’m trying to see his perspective, but….

[APurpleSquirrel]

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Imagine driving on the M5 or A30 to get to your hobby😂

Last time l went to Cornwall the M5 and A30 were just one long traffic jam.

Eh? I use the M5 practically daily, & the A30 regularly. They're just roads. They only get jammed up when there's an accident or at peak holiday season, whereby most locals use other routes. It's really not that difficult. Same as pretty much any other major road system in the UK.

[Paq]

@APurpleSquirrel ssssssh! Don't tell them it's normal down here 😀

[APurpleSquirrel]

@Paq

@APurpleSquirrel ssssssh! Don't tell them it's normal down here 😀

Define 'normal'...
Normal for Bridgwater?

& by the by, you're lucky to have cellars in which to lock up your youth - too much flooding here in Somerset for that!

[saraclara]

@dammit88

YABU. You are asking him to uproot his whole life to have everything YOU want. He doesn't want to. You sound very selfish.

He wants to uproot his whole life too! He just wants to uproot it to somewhere within two hours of his hobby.

[unicorntree]

You mention having children in the future, the additional travel (and possible over night) may well cause resentment further down the line. Why Devon and Cornwall in particular?

[HeyItsPickleRick]

Yeah it sounds a bit weird that he’s happy to move far far from work but not a bit further from his already 2.5hr away hobby.

I would consider a deal - you each propose a couple of areas and both of you must visit them all, including property viewing, with open minds.

[ChickpeaStew23]

@unicorntree

You mention having children in the future, the additional travel (and possible over night) may well cause resentment further down the line. Why Devon and Cornwall in particular?

We already have 2 under 5's

[EverestMilton]

@ChickpeaStew23

Oh there is considerable resentment towards my hobby at present as I have to go out most evenings! Problem solved if they're in the garden

Are you currently on a livery yard??? I have my horses at home. On plus side I see them all the time and can do them however, whenever I want to. Downside is all the maintenance. We spend hours and hours, harrowing, fencing, cutting hedges, weeding, etc. MrEverestMilton is very good at helping with a chain saw and drill. It would be hard graft if he wasn't on board.

[ChickpeaStew23]

@dammit88

YABU. You are asking him to uproot his whole life to have everything YOU want. He doesn't want to. You sound very selfish.

Thank you for your personal judgement! When did I say he didn't want to move? He was well up for the move when it suited his exact requirements in regards to his hobby, with absolutely no regard for whether either he or I could find work, or where the nearest school was.
Maybe I am being unreasonable, but I don't think I'm being selfish. If I was, I'd have uprooted with the kids and gone by myself - he could come or not!

[VladmirsPoutine]

I'd just like to point out that compromise isn't the panacea to everything. If he wants to paint the house purple and you want to paint the house blue, compromising on lilac still leaves you both unhappy because neither of you wanted lilac in the first place.

[APurpleSquirrel]

What's the hobby?

[Always4Brenner]

Commuting is hell why should he add an extra hour onto it.

[PuppyMonkey]

Season ticket for Footie
Golf Club
Dogging
WI
Round Table
History reenactment group
Porsche club of GB
Running Club
Detectoring
Book Club
Watching Netflix

Come on, give us a clue at least OP.

[gogohmm]

A compromise? Somerset, Wiltshire? Eg I'm 20 mins from the city, 5 mins from a beach and tourists seem to like coming here.

[BigFatLiar]

@APurpleSquirrel

What's the hobby?

Bagging Munroes

[OCDmama]

@eighteenmonthstogo yeah you're right, there's zero transportation in towns and cities and every child is personally chauffeured 🙄.

I grew up in London with parents from the north. My cousins out in the sticks were no where near any buses, let alone a train. Their social lives were entirely dependent on parents. My husband is from an extremely small rural village. Neither he nor his sister can really cope outside of small locations. "London is so scary" "I could never drive in a city".

As for the supposed "friendliness"? I open my mouth and my south London accent immediately results in coldness. And assumptions I must also somehow be stuck-up. Forget that my mother, who raised us as a single mother on a council estate, could never have done the same in a village. How would she get to her shifts and care for us with no car?

I've no chosen to live on the edge of the countryside. But Chris do I get fed up off being looked down on for being a "townie".

[ninja]

@HumbleApe I wondered that - but Devon has the Dart (albeit not in the summer).

Someone mentioned that travelling out of Devon and Cornwall probably takes a LOT longer than you expect, I'm not sure you've taken that into account!

[iklboo]

What's the hobby? I reckon he's a 'fixer' for the shady underbelly of Tooting.

[timeofillusion]

@APurpleSquirrel

What's the hobby?

Cycling surely! But only on a particular road 😄