OH won't move because he has to travel a bit further

[ChickpeaStew23]

AIBU - I’ve wanted to live in the countryside (Devon / Cornwall ideally) and run a self catering cottage/s for as long as I can remember. I’ve always dreamt of bringing my children up in a more rural way of life, and having my horses in the garden. I’m financially able to now do this (inheritance, sadly), and either buy somewhere with said business, or somewhere smaller where I would no longer need to work, and OH could work less. This is of course area dependent - some places are waaay out of our price range to be able to do that. However, he is now unwilling to move because the area means he has to travel further to do his hobby, which is something he does once a week. Currently he often travels up to 2.5 hours to do this. The area I’m looking in would turn this into 3 / 3.5. To be clear, there is absolutely no other reason he doesn’t want to move (work, family etc) and has said he is up for moving as there is nothing keeping us here. Places which are closer to his hobby, would mean a more expensive house and not a total lifestyle change as both of us would need to keep our jobs. AIBU to think that he is being unreasonable for not compromising on 1 - 2 hours of extra travel there and back once a week? A cheaper house would mean we could live mortgage free and we’re in our early 30s (we live in a very expensive area currently). We could also potentially buy a property to let too, so we would be financially secure. I understand that I want my hobby in the garden so why should that take priority over his hobby, and I’m trying to see his perspective, but….

No to the holiday let, cannot offer much on the hobby though seven hours travelling once a week is a lot.

Agree with the comment about rural children and life skills.

Having had 7 teenagers I can assure you that I never once had them moan about not being able to see their mates

Christ, my sympathies.

Are you saying he would have to spend 6 or 7 hours travelling to do his hobby? That really is a bridge too far, especially if you went to Cornwall where that could easily stretch to even longer in the summer.

You should compromise on location, are you going to see the place up north that he was keen on?

He could look for different work even if it’s unlikely he’ll find similar to what he does now.

Theres tonnes of places that are rural where you could set up your business idea & have your horses, open your ideas a bit wider to where you could relocate to.

I can confirm that there is absolutely nothing to do in any part of Devon and Cornwall. Us locals sometimes paint walls just for the excitement of watching them dry. Which they don't because it rains every single day.

Also, every single local is a frothing bigot ready to run visitors and incomers through with a pitchfork the minute we sniff them out.

Teenagers are locked in cellars until they are old enough to handle a pitchfork and the excitement of watching paint drying.

Neither are being unreasonable. Do you know anything about running this type of business (self catering and the separate letting) and how would it change your income?

How old are your children and are there facilities for any hobbies that you might like them to do?

He'd be driving 7 hours in one day for a hobby? 😳

What hobby does he do that it’s 2.5 hours away now, and will be 3.5 hours if you move.

I agree that moving house (especially longer distances) needs two yeses. Myself and my partner had this dream of moving to a more rural location etc (again, not middle of nowhere but on the edge of a village near a big town, similar to you). I am SO grateful every single day that we chose to stay in our original location and just move to a bigger house! My friends who've moved have all regretted it massively, even the ones who've had a "lifelong" dream of living in the countryside. It's a big upheaval and one you need to think very very carefully about - if your husband is getting cold feet for ANY reason DO NOT MOVE! I too wouldn't want to move further from my hobby, especially if it meant possible 7 hour round trips (this will be significantly longer during the season if in Cornwall!).

I live in Devon. Next week I am going on holiday to Cornwall. The journey will take 4 hours. Devon and Cornwall is not an homogeneous mass that can be measured from the other side of Taunton. The idea of an extra hour is a myth. (On a summer weekend I can take an hour to drive six miles)

6hours travelling once per week is a lot. Are there any areas that are more suitable for you both?

I want to know what the hobby is lol.

i would also rent before buying to make sure it is what u want

Nope I'm not dead set on it having to be Devon at all, we had viewings booked on 2 places and neither were there (they both sold beforehand), and we've looked at multiple areas - I just said ideally Devon, because I know it better than other areas and it's not a thousand miles from family. I'm more than willing to compromise on location, but it has to be affordable - there is a monumental difference in prices across the country, and it's not 'to get a bigger house' - we don't actually want a bigger house! But just somewhere where we can live financially comfortably (business or no business attached, we can both carry on doing similar jobs if need be) with some land and decent schools and not the complete middle of nowhere!
I really don't think living in a slightly more rural county automatically means your children live socially deprived lifestyles and there isn't anything to do for anybody!
To add some balance, I currently travel 7 hours over the week to look after my horses if you look at it in travel time (or I have to pay someone to do them for me). He currently travels around 5 hours in 1 day or stays over now, so it is only the extra bit.

If you're in a position to up sticks and live mortgage free in Devon or Cornwall, surely you can do the same almost anywhere in the country except London. Sounds like your goal is to be mortgage free and have a horse in the garden, whereas he's not overly sold on Devon or Cornwall.

If you start going further North you could probably buy a much bigger house and paddock with much bigger holiday let options, and he could be closer to his intriguing hobby (my money is on skydiving)

Also, every single local is a frothing bigot ready to run visitors and incomers through with a pitchfork the minute we sniff them out.

Having been to Cornwall & Devon i can confirm this, (also applies to parts of Wales).

Just be careful where you go, we're not that rural and buses stop at 7pm none on Sundays/Bank Holidays. Some of the nearby areas have 1 bus a day in/out of town. We were amused on a walk to notice the timetable on a bus shelter saying there was a bus to a nearby town on Tuesday morning across the road in the other shelter the bus from the town was Thursday, they were the only services.

Still for the first time I think the OP migh my actually have a DH with an outing hobby - seems only one place in the country up so it and nowhere up north

although I am now trying to think of places within 3/5 hrs of Devon / Cornwall that are not within closer reach to the midlands ( Shropshire) for example

Just your post about house size not mattering OP. In that case, look elsewhere and you'd be surprised what you can get for similar money, then either live more financially comfortably or use the saving on the house purchase to send the kids private and not have to care about school catchments etc.

I think that there's a big difference between 2.5 hours travel and 3.5 hours.

You would stop work and have your horses, he would have to continue to work and probably not be able to access his hobby.

There must be a better compromise.

Yabu

but if you’ll be mortgage free does he have the option to change jobs?
otherwise it seems unfair the move would mean you no longer work yet he had increased travel time to work

The compromise here is to find a semi-rural location that is close to his hobby (closer than now ideally - 4 hours of driving each weekend is a lot of petrol money). I live in a semi-rural location in the midlands - it's exactly what you're describing, and it's lovely. We can get to most places in England within 2.5 hours, apart from the far flung areas eg. Cornwall & East Anglian coast.

This is just one place in the UK that I know about because I happen to live here, but there must be hundreds of other similar places all across the UK.

I’m guessing his hobby is curling.

I would be looking for somewhere else that meets both your needs. Land for the horses (although it is a fairly lonely life having them at home), a cheaper place so you can give up / reduce work and closer to his hobby.

What is it that attracts you to Devon/Cornwall so people can suggest other places - do you want to be near the coast? Climate?

Obviously where you live as a family has to be a joint decision, but he sounds like he's thinking of his convenience to his hobby (which is already a crazy travel time away) while you're thinking of a better lifestyle for your family, as well as fulfilling a dream which I imagine the person who left you the money would be delighted with.

As with everyone else, I'm wondering why he can't do the hobby nearer to home, and what it is that he travels 5 hours there and back for, or stays over to do. That takes a lot of time away from what could be family time, housework etc.

Curling gives you all of Scotland in scope

There must be places cheaper than Devon where you can have a rural life near to an ice rink or whatever he needs for his hobby. My mum lives 2.5 hours away and I can visit her in a day. I’d struggle if it was 3.5 hours, I’d prefer to stay over. If he starts doing this he’ll be away a good chunk of the weekend - how would that work with the kids?