I don’t want to lower my childrens a pocket money to match their stepsisters

I lived with my Dad and was given £20 a week pocket money (early 2000s), I have no clue what my siblings at my mothers got. My Dads reasoning was that most of my friends had part time jobs from Y10 onwards and he’d rather me focus on my GCSEs than spend 10 hours a week working for £2.25 an hour.

I take it you pay maintenance to their mum too. She can use that to top up the other kids pocket money if she really doesn't want it to be unfair!

I used to have £200 a month from my dad when I was 14 onwards but he didn't pay my mum anything so I bought my own clothes etc.

Wow. That's a lot of money. Just to advise that the recommended student allowance at University is £46 a week - from which they have to pay food, bills, etc. Maybe get them to pay for more, so they are segued into adulthood?

God dads can’t win can they?? Only pay maintenance then they are scumbags paying the bare minimum, give 100odd quid a month and you are paying too much, making them spoiled and not setting them up well for life 🙄

£30 a week for a 14 year old doesn’t seem that crazy. I worked at that age and got about that but my peers got similar in pocket money. Money went one the odd snack on the way home from school, cinema once or twice a week, maybe a burger out, a coffee or two in the week and some makeup.
While I understand not ever kid gets it, and not every parent can afford it, like I said I worked for mine but is not crazy money.

I think it’s a fine amount tbh. They dont have to spend it all

At 15/16 years I used to get £10 from parents, £5 grandfather, £30 ema payment from government, and worked Saturday and Sundays earning £50. So almost £100 a week.
It sounds loads, but it wasn’t wasted on stuff. £20 a week was travel pass for school, I bought all clothing, school supplies, payed for language tutor myself, school lunches all came from that, phone etc.
At 17 /18 years I had saved enough for car and driving lessons. And savings

I simply cannot get over the quantum - unless of course they are buying their own casual clothes and non-school shoes. Wow. I have children the same age and I put roughly that amount into their child ISA and give them £10 week if they have done their chores. I could give them more but the kids I knew with that much money when I was at school spent it on drugs. And their parents had no idea, they were "good kids" in the top set, you name it.

You give you children what you want. I think as long as you are also teaching them about responsibility around money, savings etc then its fine. Assuming you are also paying child support, what you are giving to them can be seen as additional support that goes into your dc's pockets, not your ex wife's.

I think I you can do what you want… but an idea would be to give them £10 a month to stop any sibling clash then put the additional amount aside and give them it every 6 months but don’t call it pocket money. You are their dad and if you want to give them cash that’s up to you.

£45 a week bloody hell ! That really is a lot . They seem like they are being sensible with the money , like saving up for a computer. Obviously that’s down to you and your choice how much you pay them and I don’t feel this is your problem to solve .

ps can you adopt me lol 😂

Agree it would be completely ridiculous to stop your children's pocket money because their step sister gets less. If step sister took violin lessons or won a sports scholarship to pay for university should she have to stop these if your dc aren't musical/sporty? If step sister had a pet dog or whatever would your step sister be happy to give them up if you didn't allow your kids one? If your parents have passed away should step sister not be allowed to visit her granny because its not fair she still has hers while your dc don't? Etc etc!

Could you ask your ex wife to tell step sister that this goes towards things that she might buy stepsister, it's just a different way of doing it? Even if it still doesn't work out exactly the same, she can be vague and fudge it, she doesn't have to go into full details of what you spend on your dc.

Ultimately though stepsister needs to learn that life isn't fair - surely some of her friends get more pocket money than her?

However nearly £220 a month by the time they reach 18 is a huge amount of disposable income - my only issue with kids having that much money is the same as kids who are given the latest iPhones and that it will be a huge shock to the system if/when parents stop providing it. To put into perspective they have to work 32 hours at the minimum wage to earn that. Just something to think about as at some stage - when they are at uni or in their first job they'll probably end up with significantly less disposable income than when they were 15, which can be really gutting at a time when you are supposed to be enjoying the start of your independence!

No I don’t think you should lower the amount just to match step kids.

But I do think they’re getting a ridiculous amount of money and I’d be concerned that they’d grow up to be spoilt brats or have absolutely no idea of the value of money or want to work.
Imagine them getting their first jobs at £6 an hour and realising it’s not worth the grafting.

It’s obviously your money and your kids but I think £1 x their age per week is more than enough and the rest could be put into a separate bank account.

Also, my boy is 4 and we probably won’t do pocket money till he is at school which is when he is 5. There is no chance we are giving him £15 a week tho.

£30 a week for a 14 year old doesn’t seem that crazy

its £36 a week for a 12 year old …it would be £42 for a 14 year old. I have no idea what job you would be doing at 12 year old? Maybe a paper round but working for your money is considerably different than pocket money. Seems insane to me and I can see why the step-sister is gutted. I’m guessing it won’t stop with pocket money either.

It is way too much

This. My friends and I were all given similar amounts. We all managed to transition to adulthood fine with degrees, careers, and financial stability. Apparently though we were supposed to end up spoilt and financially illiterate, with gambling debts and smack addictions.

Some parents can afford to give more, and choose to. That’s just life. It doesn’t mean they’re shitty parents with children doomed to be inevitable failures.

I’m sure you are but I assume you are paying a decent amount of child maintenance? Or do you have them 50/50? As long as you are paying your share of school dinners/uniform and all other child related expenses then what you do with the rest of your money is not up to them.
they will then start asking you to limit birthday and Christmas presents, not to take them to certain places on holiday, not to take them out for dinner or only buy them clothes from certain cheaper shops etc

As their Father it’s up to you to decide what amount you want to give to your kids regardless of what life choices their mother has made.
Perhaps consider sticking at the amount you are giving now, which is a quite a lot lot but it’s your choice.

No, it's too much for you and your budget and parenting choices. It's not definitively "too much" as determined by someone on the internet.

YANBU yes it's a high sum for pocket money. But she bloody well agreed to it and has now backtracked to appease her new husband.

I think your kids getting their pocket money slashed because of his daughter is going to massively impact any relationship they have. So their theory is dumb anyway.

Or demand that if you take them on holiday you take their step sister as well; otherwise "it's not fair".

At 15 I used to get £90 a month and that was in the 1990s. Taught me to save and budget. I see nothing wrong with the amounts and don’t think you should have to change.

Crikey! I wish you were my dad 😅 you sound very generous! Do you pay your ex maintenance too? Kids are lucky to have you.

I do think at this age a set amount
For both your children will be better rather than the age thing but that's your choice and if it works that's great!

regardless your ex wife's stepdaughter is not your problem and neither is how much pocket money she gets. Carry on what you give them if you want to. Your ex wife was happy for you to pay pocket money for years before.

your ex wife and her husband could give all 3 children the same from them to make it fair on their side. For instance £10 a week each for all 3.

anyway, the stepdaughter will have to accept the is is the norm in step families and not everything is fair. Assuming she has a mum around too to provide for her??

slightly different but I have a son with my ex and a Dd with my partner. My kids of course are treated equally in this house but DS has Christmas or birthday presents from his dad and dads family (which all ends up coming home as he doesn't keep much there!) and often money from them (not a huge deal). I've just explained to Dd that it's just because it's the way it works in our set up and she's so used to she's never bat an eyelid.

It's up to their household to sort out their finances. I get what they are saying re the discrepancy but that isn't your issue.

I'd have a word with your kids about being more mindful and discreet though. They are obviously taking about money a lot more than you think if they are arguing about it and she is calling your children spoilt.

As for the amount, if you can afford it, fine however it might be setting them up for a shock when they enter the real world. A lot of full time workers have a lot less than that by the time bills are paid.

You win the Internet today!