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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have screamed at my 2 year old

94 replies

Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:16

I am usually quite a calm and placid person but my toddler pushed me to my limits today, I took him to the park and spent 2 hours there, fed the ducks etc, however, we had to leave to pick DD up from school and then world war happened. He wouldn’t leave, he was screaming at the top of his voice, I tried so hard, he kept throwing himself into the fence, he has given himself a bruise on the head. Eventually I carried him to the car screaming and I shouted listen that is enough!!! No more screaming! It was so stressful! Everybody was staring at me and I felt like the worst mum ever. I don’t drink usually but I could literally drink 6 bottles of wine and forget who I am (I’m not going to obviously). What have I don’t for my toddler to behave to badly, I feel like such a failure as my eldest is absolutely brilliant. The only difference with their upbringing is that I had him through Covid and managed to exclusively breastfeed him, failed completely with my first. Why is he so hard 😭

OP posts:
readsalotgirl63 · 15/09/2022 16:37

Don't be too hard on yourself. I think this is common behaviour from a 2 year old. He was obviously quite happy in the park and has absolutely no concept of time nor of the need to collect his sister.

Please don't worry about people looking and judging - pretty much every parent has carried a screaming child at least once ( and anyone who says otherwise has a selective memory).

From experience shouting doesnt help but can be difficult to avoid when you are in the situation. I had to raise my voice as dd could be really loud when in a temper.

I do think being clear about what the plan is is useful - when you go out say "we're going to the park and we'll feed the ducks then we'll go to collect dsis from school" and reminding him during the time - " one more walk around the pond then we go to the car to go to collect dsis".

Also bribery - when we collect dsis from school then you can have a breadstick/biscuit/watch peppa pig/hear a story.

If he kicks off keeping calm and speaking quietly and firmly - No we're going to fetch dsis now - and keep repeating as you carry screaming child to car/out of wherever which is easier said than done. Good luck

SergeiL · 15/09/2022 16:38

Toddlers are bloody awful. You did nothing wrong. Pack them off as early as you can tonight and put your feet up. Many of us have been there. It does get easier.

IchbineinBerlinerin · 15/09/2022 16:40

This is really normal. He wasn't behaving badly, he was just very sad / frustrated / angry that he had to leave when he was having so much fun. It's definitely nothing you've done, they just have big feelings and they don't know how to regulate them. We all reach our limits sometimes with our toddlers, so don't be so hard on yourself. Check out biglittlefeelings on Instagram, I've found it to be very helpful with my 2 year old.

MissMaple82 · 15/09/2022 16:42

In my opinion, it's the difference between girls and boys. We've all been there, my boy used to actually turn me to the drink! Girl is easy peasy. It's not you.

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:45

I feel so so guilty for shouting but I couldn’t listen to him screaming anymore 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:45

Since we got back from school all he has said is no more screaming.

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Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:48

Then he had another tantrum because he couldn’t stroke the dog anymore at school 😭

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nachoavocado · 15/09/2022 16:48

Oh OP they are so hard at that age. I found narrating the feelings as I was doing it helped. So something like I know you are sad we have to leave the park. You are shouting very loud mummy's ears hurt. You are so sad.

Doing that distracted me from the random strangers looks!

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:49

My patience is really running thin with him. I have completely had enough.

OP posts:
Hymnulop · 15/09/2022 16:50

Totally normal toddler behaviour and totally normal 'stretched to their limit' mum behaviour. Write it off, don't worry about it, give him an extra long cuddle tonight when you put him to bed early (this behaviour 9 times out of 10 is because of tiredness) then chill.

Hymnulop · 15/09/2022 16:51

Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:49

My patience is really running thin with him. I have completely had enough.

Nearly bed time! Have you got a partner to hand over to?

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:51

Why do other people stare so much, I literally told every single to piss off in my head!

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UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 15/09/2022 16:52

Hymnulop · 15/09/2022 16:50

Totally normal toddler behaviour and totally normal 'stretched to their limit' mum behaviour. Write it off, don't worry about it, give him an extra long cuddle tonight when you put him to bed early (this behaviour 9 times out of 10 is because of tiredness) then chill.

This!

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:52

DH is going picking a curry up straight from work so I’m doing bed time but I really need that curry! Haha

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DixonD · 15/09/2022 16:53

Giving plenty of warning of what is going to happen/when you have to leave I found is vital. I still do this with my 6 year old. They need to mentally prepare for having to leave.

Sillystripytail · 15/09/2022 16:53

I feel your pain OP. It's so hard. I lose my patience too, you'd be a robot not to! DS is nearly 4 but what works for him is preparing him to leave, bribery if really desperate and if all else fails, I do just pick him up and get him strapped into car as quickly as possible. Ignore people staring, they've either got older kids and have forgotten what toddlers are like or don't have children so they can't judge if they haven't stood in your shoes.

It gets better.

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:53

I will really try not to let him push me like that again as the guilt is dreadful.

he fell over shortly afterwards and I really struggled to comfort him.

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Levellingdown · 15/09/2022 16:55

Meh it happens. Don’t feel guilty he won’t remember it in an hour

Caspianberg · 15/09/2022 16:55

My 2 year old had a meltdown this afternoon. Didn’t want to leave playing with friends . I ended up carrying child on one shoulder, his bike on the other, and climbing down the steep hill in the woods home

he’s tired because he refuses to nap, and was completely over excited.
he then spilt loads of apple juice all over the sofa whilst I was trying to get dinner in the oven.

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:55

I will message later I’m not ignoring anybody but I would love to hear all your stories to make me feel better. I have hid in the toilet for the past 10 mins to breathe whilst they eat dinner😂 duty calls again xx

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MikeWozniaksMoustache · 15/09/2022 16:56

You sound burned out rather than just stressed with your perfectly normal, arsehole toddler. And yes toddlers can be arseholes, as long as you just think it and don’t call them they it’s ok 😂

Does DP pitch in enough? Or have scope to pitch in more? And afternoon / day off really brings be back when I’m on the brink, though I realise I’m very fortunate to have family to help I appreciate this may not be the case for you.

Devour the curry, definitely get him to pick up a bottle of wine too, you deserve it!

youarntaguest · 15/09/2022 16:58

Did you give him notice that you would be going soon. Maybe try a little countdown from ten minutes and a reward for leaving nicely Don't be hard on yourselves. I'm sure the other mums were just relieved it wasn't their child that day !

SummerInSun · 15/09/2022 16:58

Fantasise about embarrassing him by telling stories about he behaved as a toddler in your speech at his 18th birthday party...

Agree with PP that we've all lost it with our kids in public very occasionally. And I very much doubt that anyone was judging you - you are probably projecting that on them because you are embarrassed.

Just repeat over and over "this too shall pass"...

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 15/09/2022 16:58

Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:51

Why do other people stare so much, I literally told every single to piss off in my head!

People stare at loud things. It’s nothing personal.

I would definitely glance over at you to assess whether I thought the screaming I was hearing was “normal frustration level” or “danger level”. I think it’s human nature to take a moment to do so (and, frankly, the responsible thing to do, because I hope someone would step in if a caregiver was shouting and escalating and at risk of hurting a child).

If people are like me, they’ll have spent 5 seconds watching to evaluate the situation, 3 seconds to reassure themselves that everything was alright, and then another 20 seconds daydreaming and thinking “oh God, I remember those days… I’m so glad that the screaming kid is hers and not mine. Poor mama. Solidarity. Now, I’m going to get into my quiet car all alone and relish my solitude until I get home and deal with my own 3 noisy darlings.”

Novum · 15/09/2022 17:14

MissMaple82 · 15/09/2022 16:42

In my opinion, it's the difference between girls and boys. We've all been there, my boy used to actually turn me to the drink! Girl is easy peasy. It's not you.

Not necessarily. In our family, it was DD who was the tantrummer; her brothers were way easier.