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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have screamed at my 2 year old

94 replies

Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:16

I am usually quite a calm and placid person but my toddler pushed me to my limits today, I took him to the park and spent 2 hours there, fed the ducks etc, however, we had to leave to pick DD up from school and then world war happened. He wouldn’t leave, he was screaming at the top of his voice, I tried so hard, he kept throwing himself into the fence, he has given himself a bruise on the head. Eventually I carried him to the car screaming and I shouted listen that is enough!!! No more screaming! It was so stressful! Everybody was staring at me and I felt like the worst mum ever. I don’t drink usually but I could literally drink 6 bottles of wine and forget who I am (I’m not going to obviously). What have I don’t for my toddler to behave to badly, I feel like such a failure as my eldest is absolutely brilliant. The only difference with their upbringing is that I had him through Covid and managed to exclusively breastfeed him, failed completely with my first. Why is he so hard 😭

OP posts:
ghsu · 15/09/2022 19:03

Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:45

I feel so so guilty for shouting but I couldn’t listen to him screaming anymore 😭

I don't know many mums that haven't lost it occasionally....whether they admit or not is another issue

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 19:03

I’ve put him to bed, the relief 😅 I’m not going to have wine as I may not stop! Tomorrows a new day! Thanks ladies xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 19:04

I didn’t scream at him in public, I waited u Tim I got to the car 😂😂 I just carried him whilst he kicked and screamed. I was sweating it was so awful

OP posts:
TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 15/09/2022 19:07

Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 16:45

Since we got back from school all he has said is no more screaming.

'That would be great if you didn't scream
anymore DS'

if he says 'mummy no more screaming'
then 'DS do as you're told and Mummy won't need to shout at you'

Honestly, you told him/shouted that was enough of behaving that way! You didn't scream at him for 5minutes, you didn't call him names, you didn't say anything horrible.

you told him that was enough. My only issue was that you took so long to pick him up & bundle him into the car, telling him to pack it in

WimbyAce · 15/09/2022 19:08

It is hard going, need the patience of a Saint with toddlers I think!

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 15/09/2022 19:09

@Wineplease90 🍷🍷🥂🍾sorry forgot the wine!

it's not covid, breastfeeding or whatever. 6 kids will need 6 different types of parenting! He's not your eldest, he's his own little (patience testing) self with ALL the good & utter fucking frustration that brings!!

DappledThings · 15/09/2022 19:13

Kids scream and tantrum. It happens. Nothing to be embarrassed about. I'd bet anyone starting was mostly doing so in sympathy.

He isn't a really badly behaved child you've failed to raise correctly as your OP suggests. He's just two and frustrated.

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 19:15

be abuse my eldest is so good I keep going over and over what I have done differently. I have to just accept that kids are not the same. My mum says I’ve spoiled him 🙄 sod off

OP posts:
Mariposista · 15/09/2022 19:15

woodhill · 15/09/2022 17:59

I'm not understanding why you feel guilty. I think you were perfectly reasonable

This! He was behaving badly, and sometimes a short sharp shock can bring a toddler up short. It doesn't sound like you make a habit of it. You don't have to be all nicey nicey to be a good mum. You had a job to do (getting you kid from school).

DappledThings · 15/09/2022 19:20

Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 19:15

be abuse my eldest is so good I keep going over and over what I have done differently. I have to just accept that kids are not the same. My mum says I’ve spoiled him 🙄 sod off

They really are. My first was pretty compliant with everything. He hardly ever tantrummed, seemed to understand reasoning early on and was generally totally chilled.

DC2 made up for it. She is stubborn as an ox, screamed to get her own way from under 2 and was generally far harder from that point of view.

Nothing really different in our parenting. People do have different personalities and that includes children!

miltonj · 15/09/2022 19:24

MissMaple82 · 15/09/2022 16:42

In my opinion, it's the difference between girls and boys. We've all been there, my boy used to actually turn me to the drink! Girl is easy peasy. It's not you.

Can confirm this is not true😂

iloveburmese3 · 15/09/2022 19:28

Toddlers are utter hell. I have a 15th month girl and yikes I almost cry daily. Don't worry. It will pass. Just give them love when you can and don't beat yourself up. I once said 'I hate being a mother' at her - which I don't mean and I immediately regretted but they don't remember (hopefully!) and I made it up to her by playing with her for a while and giving her lots of cuddles.

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 19:29

he isn’t like this for his dad so it must be me!

OP posts:
iloveburmese3 · 15/09/2022 19:30

Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 19:29

he isn’t like this for his dad so it must be me!

Same as me! This is normal - apparently we should be flattered as they feel most comfortable to be themselves around us... god help us!

Bimbil19 · 15/09/2022 19:35

I so feel for you OP. My toddler (now three and thankfully much better) had his worst tantrum ever during nursery pick up because "daddy walked up the wrong side of the path". He just screamed and screamed whilst the nursery staff walked past, the other parents walked past... thankfully this was at the end of 6 months of him having them relentlessly and I'd given up caring what people thought. Lots of people actually offered words of support and more than one said, "I'm glad other people's do this too"😂made me realise when people are staring that it's often other parents thinking "those poor buggers" and "thank god it's not mine for a change".

Enjoy your curry and the wine - tomorrow is another day.

glittereyelash · 15/09/2022 19:37

Yep been there many many times. My son is an epic tantrumer. I've learned to stay as calm as possible but its hard when your in a public place and they contort themselves into a circle. Treat yourself have a glass of wine 🍷

Skodacool · 15/09/2022 19:42

Telling him that was enough worked didn’t it. If more parents did this I think we would have better behaved children

Eeiliethya · 15/09/2022 19:42

It happens to the best of us Flowers

I took my DD to the park a few years back, she was 4.

I had my English Bulldog with me. He was leashed.

I ended up in a situation where the dog was lay on the floor refusing to move. My DD took advantage and could smell my weakness and refused to leave the playground. I couldn't leave the protesting dog on his own to retrieve my child who wouldn't come to me. There was nowhere to tie him.

Anyway, long story short, I ended up losing my shit, asked a stranger to hold the dogs lead, manhandled my child off the park screaming blue murder, managed to haul the dog away. I was completely in that fog of rage and about 10 families all witnessed it.

Will remain etched in my memory forever.

Allchangeonceagain · 15/09/2022 19:45

Oh my goodness I feel for you. One of DC is so mild and chilled out and the other can turn into an utter monster. It honestly nearly drives me to tears sometimes. It is exhausting and I too feel guilty for when I lose my temper a bit. I really try not to!

AloysiusBear · 15/09/2022 19:53

He sounds like he was being a right little tyrant OP, don't sweat it. It happens.

I've shouted at mine plenty. We all have our breaking point and a very occasional shout when they are behaving badly really isnt the end of the world.

AloysiusBear · 15/09/2022 19:55

Telling him that was enough worked didn’t it. If more parents did this I think we would have better behaved children

A tiny bit this. My friend never, ever raises her voice or gets cross, and honestly I've stopped having her kids over because they simply dont do as they are told!!

Felicity42 · 15/09/2022 19:57

You behaved like that you couldn't make the other person do what you wanted.
Your toddler behaved like that because he couldn't make the other person do what he wanted.
Maybe the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Next time you feel the anger rising stop and count 10 breaths slowly. It does work. Next time make sure he he safe then go stand other side of the room and take 10 breaths slowly. Count them on your fingers.

Original poster
Wineplease90 · 15/09/2022 20:00

I’m usually very calm, everybody comments how much patience I have. Today he was unbelievably hard!

OP posts:
KevinTheKoala · 15/09/2022 20:06

My eldest was the drama queen tantrummer and I felt exactly the same as you, and I had moments I am less than proud off but it's normal, your son is behaving normally, you reacted normally and you are not a bad mum for being a human being at the end of their tether! I know it can feel like others are staring but some of them might actually be feeling quite sympathetic (or just glad it's not them today) ....others are just dickheads who aren't worth the headspace frankly. Deep breathes and try again tomorrow (and they really do grow out of the tantrums, eventually). My younger daughter is an angel by comparison to her big sister, both girls, both parented the same and so it's really nothing to do with how they're raised/what gender they are, it's purely their personality.

You never know, the strong willed stubbornness night serve them well as adults, even if it does give us a few more grey hairs in the meantime 😬.

CottonSock · 15/09/2022 20:07

I agree with the above, tell him shouting isn't nice and it also made you sad. He might only be two but start explaining your feelings as he is expressing his dislike for shouting.

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