To have screamed at my 2 year old

[Wineplease90]

I am usually quite a calm and placid person but my toddler pushed me to my limits today, I took him to the park and spent 2 hours there, fed the ducks etc, however, we had to leave to pick DD up from school and then world war happened. He wouldn’t leave, he was screaming at the top of his voice, I tried so hard, he kept throwing himself into the fence, he has given himself a bruise on the head. Eventually I carried him to the car screaming and I shouted listen that is enough!!! No more screaming! It was so stressful! Everybody was staring at me and I felt like the worst mum ever. I don’t drink usually but I could literally drink 6 bottles of wine and forget who I am (I’m not going to obviously). What have I don’t for my toddler to behave to badly, I feel like such a failure as my eldest is absolutely brilliant. The only difference with their upbringing is that I had him through Covid and managed to exclusively breastfeed him, failed completely with my first. Why is he so hard 😭

Take a breather apologise and move on. It happens

this is pure nonsense. Toddlers are toddlers are toddlers. Some are harder work than others, some press our buttons more than others, but none of it has anything to do with their sex.

OP, you did fine. We really have all been there. It might be worth reading a few books/find some new coping techniques if it looks like you're going to find your son more challenging at this stage than you did your daughter, and there are good recommendations here. But you have my sympathy. Good luck!

As others say, don't beat yourself up about it. That's such a stressful situation, and all or most of us have been there.

For what it's worth, I learnt to be quite Zen with DD when she had tantrums. If we were at home, once I'd ascertained that there was nothing actually wrong with her and she was safe, I would just leave her to it because there was nothing I could do about it anyway - so it was really quite restful feeling able to go off and do my own thing till she'd worked her way through it. If we were out and about, I would physically pick her up if necessary and ignore the screams, strap her into her buggy or car seat and again leave her to it. I didn't bother to shout at her or try to calm her down because it just didn't work, and I learnt not to care what strangers think.

For what it's worth, if I come across a stressed-out parent now dealing with a screamer, I do try to give them a sympathetic smile at the very least.

My toddler DD is a pain in the arse. I'm considering going back to work FT rather than the 4 days I currently do just because I find very little joy in my day off with her now. It's harder work than my actual paid job and far more stressful! It's not you. Toddlers are a nightmare sent to test us to the limit.

A h we all do things when we are stressed that we normally wouldn't do. Toddlers are little buggers at times and would try the patience of a saint. Give him a hug and move on. No harm has been done.

It's called "the terrible two's" for a reason. Toddler's are hard and you're only human. My DD's 2 and 4, test me everyday and yeah... I sometimes snap. I take a breath, try to take 2 minutes to calm myself, then apologise to the kids and explain why I got angry and I just try to do better next time. They forgive and forget pretty quick! Also, when I see another parent losing their shit with their kid, I'll usually give them a sympathetic look. Anyone that's had a toddler, will understand your reaction in that moment. Unless they have a unicorn child.

It's nothing you've done op! Just personality. I have 4 children, and my 4th ( nearly 2) is like this, whereas none of the others were. He screams like someone is trying to murder him at the slightest hint of not getting his own way. In terms of strangers staring, perhaps they do, but I never notice them because a) I couldn't care less, and b) I'm too busy wrangling the screaming toddler.

Have a glass of wine! Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully the 'No more screaming mummy' was not a request, but a promise 😁

I remember these days well with DD (now 5.5, so so much easier!). I felt like she pushed me to breaking point some days. Often shut myself in the loo for a few minutes and just screamed and screamed. You're not a terrible parent, just a normal one.

Been there. Forgive yourself and him . Say sorry sincerely. No Buts.
then move on …
you’re not a bad mum because you feel regret.
xx

You’re taking this far, far, far too personally.

I'm not understanding why you feel guilty. I think you were perfectly reasonable

I had to pick up and carry a screaming, crying 3yr old DD to the car from a nursery friend’s house when she didn’t want to leave the play date. Embarrassing, exhausting and deflating after an otherwise nice day. She cried all the way home too. I had to take a moment after that one. We’ve all been there!

We've all been there.
I tend to save the shouting for when I'm in the house though 😂😂.

Anyone with a child will understand. They drive you absolutely mental some days.

I remember losing my rag in the swimming changing room when DS was a toddler. I was furious and just snapped. Dragged him home and then spent the next week feeling guilty and mortified that I had had witnesses! It happens to all of us. Have a drink and start afresh tomorrow.

So so normal. You were stressed and pushed to the edge in that moment.

I wouldn't have judged you if I was near by. You would have had my sympathies. Be kind and gentle to yourself!

Aw cut yourself some slack. They can be wee demons at that age. But they're also very forgiving🥰🥰

2 is hard work.

My one has just screamed the entire way down the street as he neither wanted to ride his bike, walk or get in the pram. So he screamed ‘muuummmmmyyyyy’ the entire way home. The only thing I could do was walk on and have concerned passers by stare incredulously at me with a ‘is this your poor child look’ on their faces.

I can’t even have a wine as I’m pregnant.

my first was famous for this too.

Drink the wine, OP.

Well, maybe not six bottles.

Six glasses maybe.

That’s what I hate too. Like no one else has children before or just passing their time.

I shouted at my two this morning. We were late for school and they simply would not get moving. I was standing with the front door open and they were fannying around. Looking for toys etc. i eventually shouted “get out of this door RIGHT NOW”. Turned round to see three workmen staring at me like I was the worst mum evaaaa.

But I am long in the tooth enough to not let it bother me. I said a cheery good morning and off we went. Arseholes.

Bless you. I hate the staring too. I saw a mum recently with a really upset little one in a supermarket carpark. She looked at the end of her tether so I said "do you need anything? I have wipes...and jammy dodgers!" She seemed totally shocked that a stranger was offering help rather than staring. Her whole demeanor changed, she smiled and took a deep breath and it was just lovely.
I think we should make a pact to do this for each other!

Nah, I screamed at DD once at 2 as well in the park, she was trying to climb over a fence to get to an artificial lake so she could catch a fish, I had to carry her back screaming her head off for about 20 minutes.

I felt like utter shit afterwards OP and went home an read philippa perrys book. It happens, toddlers are basically completely unhinged (well mine was anyway). Deep breath. I’ve looked at parents with irate toddlers before (just to see where the noise was coming from). I never judge them, I just feel immense sympathy for them. it’s got a lot better as she’s nearing 3, it won’t be forever. This too will pass is important to keep in your head!

Don’t feel bad, we’ve all shouted at our toddlers at some point or another. As long as it’s not a regular thing, he’ll be fine. My 3yo girl has decided she doesn’t like the bath, so getting her washed is like an exorcism. My tactic is usually to say something like ‘Do you know what DDog did today? Something very naughty…’ (she’s a bit of a tattle tale and likes telling other people/animals off, so she goes totally silent waiting to hear what the dog’s done!) she usually then forgets whatever she was getting mad about. Just make stuff up, say OH LOOK A COW, OH ITS GONE NOW. Or whatever you need to say to get them to pause and take a breath.

I could have written this. Have a 18mo and 4yo and just got a new job that takes me from 3 working days a week to 4 🎉

@MissMaple82 utter rubbish! All the girls in my family (DN's and Dsis) are terrors, my DB and son are the most chilled, easiest toddlers ever. But regardless of gender kids are kids! Don't feel bad OP.